Tip 1: Even if you are very intelligent and know how to heal yourself through Lucid Dreaming, seek advice of your therapist so that you may learn how to move forward. Women abuse is becoming more rampant because of porn, bad scenes in the movies, domestic abuse, and patriarchal societal systems and hierarchies. Stay open to those who offer you assistance without indulging in your beauty and vulnerabilities. Your therapist is the best person to seek during these times because he is bound by regulations that ensure that you are not violated any further. Even then, you must stay open towards the family members who keep you safe. I mean there are times when the therapists choose to violate the victims. One way of telling if something is about to go wrong is when the therapist does not hush things up and keeps asking you too many questions. That’s an indication of broken boundaries, which is ironic because that’s exactly what the abused women are struggling against. Do not take these unnecessary inquiries as an indication of friendship because it could be something else.
Tip 2: Relax through Yoga and meet new friends. Women who have been abused usually develop symptoms like Stockholm Syndrome, Depression, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They might get further injured through repeat surgeries, infections, car accidents, or suicide. So make sure to step away and reward yourself for your efforts by doing what you like.
Tip 3: Stay away from gaslighters because they tend to drag people into conflicts very easily by engaging them in circular conversations.
Tip 4: Read books and you will find plenty of helpful stories. Some great examples are “The Ordeal” by Linda Lovelace, “Imam’s Daughter” by Hannah Shah, and “One Child” by Torey Hayden.
Tip 5: Read blogs to get updated information. Good sample blogs are Lucky Otters Haven, Dots Writing Dojo, and TEDBlog.
Tip 6: When you are walking in a mall or park, scan your surroundings. Know who is behind you, in front of you, and around you. Keep your cellphone easily accessible. React instantly if anything happens even if it means throwing a lie. For instance, once I almost got kidnapped during the day by two Black men. So I just screamed a lie, “My husband is only five minutes away; and I will just have to shout in my cell, and he will come running.” Then I had to keep shouting and scaring them with my cell while running away. That’s how they finally left. So try not to act vulnerably even if you are very scared. I was shivering like loose feathers while I was running away.
Tip 7: Don’t build walls around you so that you may become numb. Choose activities that help you release your emotions. Also, don’t be afraid of crying because it is healthy to do so.
Tip 8: Remove or avoid the people who are triggering you to act against your will or best intentions. They can ruin things more than you can even imagine like your personality, your way of engaging others, your smile, your lifestyle, and your bank account.
Tip 9: Do not use the net to heal your issues. This has to be done with the help of a great friend or a therapist. That’s when you share energies, which are designed to heal. I suggest that you use the web to watch funny videos or access helpful resources that will supplement your therapy.
Tip 10: Do not stay in touch with your abusers on social media. Learn how to block the social mediaaccounts of individuals who have targeted you in the past. There is no shame in doing so and it prevents stress from building up. The reason I ask you to be very careful about allowing your past abusers to stay connected with you is because they can infiltrate your personal network and then they may choose to spread harmful gossip about you. Abusers have a clear incidence and apology phase. And, if they haven’t realized that they are in a cyclical abuse process and that they need therapy, then they will end up targeting you again one way or another. It pays to stay careful.
Tip 11: Work according to cultural etiquettes. Offering too much help can lead to abuse. Also, completely check out who you are hanging out with or working with by using the points mentioned here. I have seen cases of very decent women being abused simply because they offered to help someone out.
Tip 13: Talk less with your past abusers if you cannot avoid contacting them. Show them that you are independent and aren’t in need of them for emotional or physical support.
Tip 14: If you have walked in the hands of a psychotic individual, then pray for your mental safety because this kind is designed to destroy every little part of your personality. They can create the new you, which is something you aren’t. This is because of their psychological or physical control over you. To run away safely, you have to learn to keep away from more psychotic individuals, stay near your safest family members, listen less to those who are critical of you, and slowly become as independent as possible. That’s the only way out.
Tip 15: Identify a gang setting and stay away from the entire gang. They can harm you psychologically by spreading gossip about you or belittling your intellect. If you need to run away from one gang member, get rid of the rest─like I said walk away or break the gang by bringing in a responsible outsider.
Tip 16: Do not stay inside a domestic abuse setting because it can lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Stockholm Syndrome, rape, and much more. If you are forced to stay in a household that’s toxic, then learn to forgive yourself and attempt connecting more with the safest family members or your best friends. This way, you will slowly learn to walk out on your own. Feel free to add psychological pressure to prevent your abusers from victimizing you; but, don’t stay lazy and without a job because that’s what your abusers really want.
Tip 17: Remember that abused individuals do not open up unless they really trust you. Either you keep that trust or walk out before it is too late for that abused individual. They deserve far better than what they have been psychologically designed to take.
Tip 18: If you feel that someone is stalking you while you are driving, then use the following techniques to check: slow down to see if the car behind you also slows down; then speed up to see if the car behind you also speeds up. If you have found out that someone is stalking you, then either change your route or stop at the nearest gas station and call the police if you need to.
Tip 19: Do not bend over your car’s front or passenger seat to put some luggage inside. If your knees are bent, then someone can easily throw you in and rape or kidnap you. Always check your surroundings and then place your luggage in the seat.
Tip 20: Always lock the doors of your car the second you are seated.
Tip 21: Check the back seat of your car from outside before opening the door and stepping inside your car.
Tip 22: Do not park in an isolated spot in the night. I was once stopped by the police who made me wait there for like 20 minutes. I had parked away from Tim Hortons and was unable to get back to my car before the nightfall because I was busy studying. The cops did the complete check and then warned me: “Ma’am, don’t park away from the rest of the vehicles. Members of the mafia and drug addicts usually do this so that they may be able to sell drugs.” I got so freaked out. LOL!
Tip 23: Create a blacklist where you can list everyone who has attacked or looted you in the past or have caused serious trouble for you. This list should be created in an Excel file and should have two columns: Name and Reasons. The listed reasons will ensure that you don’t end up connecting with them or may choose to avoid them as best as you can. Remember that emotional blackmail is designed to make you do things that you never wanted to do, such as give large sums of money to an abuser.
Tip 24: Be cautious of men who make you feel unworthy and neglected for personal gains like winning rights to your property and money. These type of men can be very tricky: they can break your composure by ignoring you; force you to decide their way by making you feel bad about a small mistake, which they themselves caused; and, they might already be filthy rich or in a better position than you. You want to stop looking up to them; remove them from your private circle of friends or your entire network; and move on towards healthier and saner individuals who can appreciate you for your hard work, reward you by giving you work, and protect you by connecting you to their circle.
Tip 25: Do not share your personal story of abuse with anyone you cannot trust─this includes members of your family. False friends can judge and mislead you by ignoring your psychological needs or by initiating their own abuse cycle that’s characterized by gifting and incidence phases. For instance, they can say that you are selfish and willing to enjoy superficial things if you are listening to music to relax. This way they can numb your mind even further so that you may not fully react to your personal needs.
Tip 26: If the abuser is giving you time and space to think and react, then use this to your advantage. He might be offering you all this because he is mentally ready to start a new incidence. Start reading the behavior of your abuser by using the Abuse Cycle especially if he/she haven’t completed rehabilitation. Make sure to use the time and space your abuser grants you to devise and implement an exit plan.
Tip 27: Be very careful about interacting with men who have already been seriously abused by their family, friends, or the law. Some of the abused men cannot handle their mental pain and inflict further injury on the more vulnerable gender.
Tip 28: If you are a victim of domestic abuse or trauma, be careful of rapists. It is easier to get raped in such situations because you have been taught to stay tolerant of misuse; you might have been cut off from a helpful circle; you were repeatedly told that you are unworthy of attention, which has silenced you in several ways; or you might have been hit on the head due to some other trauma like accidents or passing away of a close family member.
Tip 29: Make notes of everything that’s been done to you if you are seeking divorce or separation or if you are moving away from your family. It will be easier for your lawyer and social worker to help you out given that you have your side of the story written down.
Tip 30: If you are working independently, make sure to work only after a written contract has been signed. Verbal contracts can be broken easily given that the other party decides to lie.
Tip 31: Monitor online activity of the abuser(s) you just happen to know. Watch for signals like he has been visiting sites that offer porn. Given that he has previously raped you or attempted something funny with you, this might be an indication of an upcoming incidence. Furthermore, if he is part of an organization, then look for subtle messages that the group is providing to make conclusions about his personal messages. For example, his organization might have placed twisted messages that promote rape culture, such as “Why bother asking for consent when she is too intoxicated to give it?”
Tip 32: Do not depend on men to cover any type of your expenses. You need to earn around $2500 per month to be able to live independently. Find another ambitious woman and work together to get to where you need to get.
Tip 33: Do not send your photograph or personal information to someone you have met online. Online activity is designed to give you a very fragmented idea of the reality that exists inside the users’ brains. For example, people can post things they don’t agree with.
Tip 34: If you are working, then work in an office that has an HR. Misunderstandings and framings can occur very easily inside an office environment especially when a neutral third party isn’t made aware of a situation. If a reliable HR team is absent, then anyone can blame you for doing things you didn’t do. Study the interviewers thoroughly before you decide to join the team.
I am proud of the fact that I read “The Ordeal” by Linda Lovelace to study the profile of criminal Chuck Traynor. This novel is based on the real story of Linda Lovelace, an American porn celebrity who was forced into prostitution and adult movies by her husband and manager Chuck Traynor. She describes Chuck as someone who used to buy her gifts and watch out for her while she was facing abuse by her parents. She already had PTSD when she decided to run away from Chuck. Chuck later started abusing her. First there were small incidences like snatching phone or sounding too loud. Then, there were more incidences like forcing her at gun point to have sex with five strangers or chasing her every time she tried to run away. PTSD made her susceptible to developing Stockholm Syndrome, which is why she couldn’t run away from Chuck Traynor. Ladies! watch out for men like Chuck Traynor. There are plenty of them. They will hit and abuse you till you get clingy enough and choose to cling on almost any stranger.
Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.