Mind Game: I Can Have It, You Can’t

Note: The following is a leak that was provided to me by some Muslim women. As you read this, remember that Islam allows every Muslim woman to dictate in their prenuptial agreement that she wishes her husband to stay monogamous as long as he is married to her. Also, remember that some Muslim men don’t inform the women about this particular detail regarding the prenuptial agreement. This is because they are not aware of this detail─these rulings were issued thousands of years ago─or they don’t wish to share with the hope of luring more women after marriage. Read Violence in the Lives of Muslim Girls and Women in Canada to learn about some ways Muslim women are pressured into sex, which is always without consent. Read “The Imam’s Daughter: My Desperate Flight to Freedom” to learn about Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) and Stockholm Syndrome as well as to understand how some women can get psychologically tuned to leave their religion and culture. The story “The Imam’s Daughter: My Desperate Flight to Freedom” is a great one to read because it shows you how some Muslim men are forcing themselves on their female relatives and then teaching them a very narrow and twisted version of Islam.

I am currently looking at the plight of some Muslim leaders. I have decided to post some examples of how some of them choose to be negligent because a Canadian businessman once taught me that embarrassment creates the best reaction. Some of them simply do not want to hear from us because just hearing us out means “far too much work” and “possibility of added resistance towards neglected and controversial causes like rape”. They offer so many excuses when we try sharing something vital that could save the Muslim women from being mistreated and neglected: “I am busy today”; “I am with kids”; “Please don’t share this on my Facebook page”; “I don’t want to hear this anymore”; “You are too worried and don’t think about this”; or, “Please ask someone else”. In essence, some of them─not all─are as inefficient as (some) non-Muslims who are negligent towards women when it comes to protecting the women despite having a very strong lobby or education. I will tell you one of my experiences here. An influential Muslim man took my resume and marriage profile and then told me that he will be helping me out. I never heard back from him at all. I have no clue what he has been doing with both of my profiles. In the old days, Muslim leaders used to step down everytime the women would ask for help. Nowadays, some of them put the women so below them that they can’t even discuss anything properly without feeling fear or shame.

Some Muslim men are having affairs with other women before marriage. They use them like a Rolodex, which is an indication of decayed mentality directed at the women─there is really that much pressure on some of the Muslim women. After having several affairs with some women before marriage, which is not allowed in Islam, they request to marry a virgin. This is when their (helpless or cunning) mothers go around looking for a decent and meek match, the type who would “listen” to their sons. So, decency is actually not found any more in certain portions of the Muslim community: if some Muslim men are having affairs with women, then some Muslim women who claim to be virgins are not really virgins because they have been pressured into sex and then asked to keep quiet. I wouldn’t have said all this here if I didn’t came across 2 similar stories that were shared with me by a Hindu and a Muslim woman. In another story I came across, a Muslim woman who had lost her virginity due to another Muslim man was forced to use chicken blood to show that she was still a virgin at the time of her marriage. Oh! I heard all these stories in Canada while I was maturing into a woman. Growing up has been a scary process for me but I am playing the Buddy System so its working out.

Why is the Muslim community still struggling to handle such issues despite clear Islamic rulings about not having affairs before marriage and respecting the women? I have come to realize that these issues cannot be properly managed by some of the Western authorities either due of their strong rape culture and their strong need to place all sorts of twisted mentals and psychos right back into the society─these men are awesome at throwing apologies, gifts, and lies to confuse their victims so that they willingly walk back to the same old cycle of abuse. Lastly, I have realized why the families of the victims tend to stay quiet and never open up about this misuse. Here is my reasoning: This is due to fear of losing their daughters to a crowd that needs to instigate, victim-blame, and kill; or, it is because of the family’s need to shift blame to the victim and remain ignorant of the need to make a permanent positive change in her life. The first case becomes evident after learning about Rehtaeh Parson’s case where the entire community ganged up on a raped teenager who ended up committing suicide. In conclusion, I am 100% sure that the stories of abusive Muslim men are very similar to those of the abusive men of other communities; and, that’s why similar kind of misuse is taking place in other communities as well except that their men are more open about their affairs and not necessarily looking for virgins.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

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