Note: As you read this post, please note that this post is not meant to be propaganda against Pakistani men or men who belong to similar cultures. It’s only showing how the mind starts playing tricks on the victim in order to reduce trauma. Below is just a subjective opinion that is derived from personal experiences.
I will definitely marry outside Pakistani culture or any other culture that is similar to this one such as Canada—unless he is a close friend or a close friend’s suggestion. As a Domestic Abuse, Workplace Abuse, and Sexual Abuse survivor—I survived because I had brief and strict training that was offered by the Pakistani Army and because I had my religion Islam to safeguard me—I have learned some clever things about abusers. I got exposed to abuse over time and slowly I studied and documented all of their moves to create an exit plan for myself. Abusers can contort information to make people who understand their mother tongue to believe untruthful things about their victims. For example, silent treatment or depriving someone of correct company of the siblings or cousins does not count as abuse inside their minds. Some Pakistani friends of mine bug me why I did not get married yet. I keep telling them that I cannot marry inside this culture. Then they either stay quiet or end up sharing another abuse story with me. Sickening!
In addition, I have found Islam to be more liberating than cultures. There are many things about Islam that make more sense such as rights of women. Do you know that Islam gives women right to vote, lead, educate, earn, marry, divorce, and own property? When I told a Western woman this, she said she had no idea that Islam does that. This is because of how the mainstream media mostly shares negative news about Muslims or they bring experts who are not considered credible authority by the real Islamic scholars. Here is a success story about Islam that will not be shared on mainstream media. I met a lawyer after I prayed to Allah (God) for assistance regarding my personal circumstances. Some years after we first spoke, this lawyer created a Facebook group; and, then he promoted me to the Admin position because he felt that I will gain my confidence back if I were made to do something positive. Thus, I run “Forgotten Femmes” during my spare time; and, I make sure that most of the English used on my blog is simpler in nature because some victims of abuse from this Facebook group do not have sufficient education that is required to understand dense vocabulary. One day, I plan to offer helpful workshops with the help of some other group members.
I must comment that although I have significantly resolved the abuse that was taking place, there is always a potential for further abuse by using a new person. I am saying this after reviewing the gang dynamics. For example, one person lies about the victim and the rest just jump in in an indirect manner by supporting the liar. If my husband happens to be from the same culture, he is very likely to feel very confused and attack me as well. But if he is from a different culture, he is going to ask me for a translation and rest of context first. This is when I would be able to quickly add the missing ideas inside his mind. Also, he would have more time to think because translating things take time and one must be cool-minded to wait till a translation is complete.
Lastly, my future husband must be versed in Human Rights and Women Rights. A lot of men I have come across don’t know the basic Psychology of women. I think if a man knows about Rights and has a good circle of friends and family members, then that person is safe to marry. I even know how some women abusers are posing as certified Psychologists, Psychology Professors, and Women Rights Advocates. This is why I could not get wed on time; and, this is why I go slow when it comes to men. After reading my post Regeneration, you should be able to see how challenging it can become to read a criminal mind that’s disguised as a Women Rights Advocate. When I tell some women this, they cannot relate to what I am telling them; even then I am not on my own in this thinking owing to “Forgotten Femmes”. It’s chilling to watch this up close!
Anyways, the domestic abuse is kind of over at my end; so I am about to fall asleep peacefully again! I will not get nightmares about my sexual abuse because I have realized its best to discard these abusers along with the rest because they also want to be heard by their victims while victim blaming. Maybe this situation has been permanently resolved or temporarily resolved. Whatever the case, I need to use my time wisely to find a permanent exit for myself. This is not gonna be easy because Canada offers a very unstable workplace atmosphere. But, I plan to make it alive. And, know that I am very specific about whom to marry because I am telepathic; and this ability works when I am happy and when those around me trust me fully.
Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.