Some Of My Brutal Mental Images of Men

I have some really bad images of some men and boys in my brain simply because abusers can literally smell me and they just know I am the right target. This is why I had to do lucid dreaming therapy on myself to keep myself alive. In addition, over time, I learned how to break bad and toxic teams apart. When I am around, you will truly see two sides of life: good and bad. Only good guys and gals will stay with me at the end. You will see that this is an ongoing trend! This trend is here because people are trying to murder young women and girls.

Before you read this, know that once when I was a child (back in Pakistan), I was raped by a female employee who got caught right away because my parents got there in time. I do not recall this well because I really did not knew what was going on. I just remember lying still and being very afraid and numb. Below are some of my experiences that have changed me so that I trust men really less:

  1. When I was a teenager, I escaped domestic abuse when my family immigrated to Canada from Pakistan. It was so terrifying back there!
  2. When I was a teenager, a male relative of mine touched me inappropriately. But, because we had otherwise good relationship, I was able to immediately stop him from damaging me any further. You know! He never harmed me again.
  3. When I was living in Pakistan, I along with all the girls who used to study with me, used to get stalked by around 10 to 20 young men—that’s most of the youth who were being sent to private tuition by their parents. We didn’t knew these men because we were studying in the “girl’s only college”; but, they used to stalk, harass, and intimidate us every day we would go for tuition. We complained to one of our male teachers who told us to always move in groups and always change our route. Although these boys used to be dressed as heroes—they were well-dressed and well-groomed—they used to act like real pigs. Read article “‘No means yes’: Pakistan TV’s dangerous trend of celebrating rapists and stalkers as heroes“.
  4. When I was living in Pakistan, sometimes I had to go out to give my measurements so that my clothes may be stitched. Once a male was doing my measurements. He had a long beard so he seemed religious. I thought of him as a protective figure because he seemed nice and he smiled a lot. While doing my measurements, he inappropriately touched me in a sensitive area. I got so scared because I was just a teenager; I got pretty numb after this so I never complained to my female relative who was also present at this shop. According to Mudaser Kazi’s article “93% of Pakistani women experience sexual violence“.
  5. Later in Canada, I was raped by a Buddhist male who was Islamophobic and woman-hater. He is still free because he got away by confusing and scaring me. He is still alive because I believe that the Canadian system has mostly failed colored women, which is why I am not filing a report against him on purpose. Doing so would be a waste of time. Furthermore, by the time, I finished my healing process and came to terms with all of this, it was already too late. Canadian Justice System can always allow drop the charges because I would have reported too late (Jordan Application). Its not my fault because it takes time to come to terms about all of this. The current Justice System isn’t very open towards this because they are ignoring things like “impact of Stockholm Syndrome”—watch movie “Because We Are Girls” and listen to the video from article “Video: Surrey sister react to stayed charges in sex assault case profiled in doc movie” to see what I mean. This is why, I am writing a book called “She: The Mirror“.  I stopped communicating with him once I became okay enough to read into the entire situation. I even changed my city to get away from this person. I also got some personal information about him by asking him questions. He calls himself “The Devil”; and, I believe that men like him roam Canada freely because Canada allows them to live. I got away with extracting some information from him as well as a confession, which is going to get published in this book.
  6. Once while walking inside a Canadian park, I was almost kidnapped by two Black men. They brought a car to lure me in. One of them intimidated me by inviting me to come to tea with him. Within seconds, the second guy brought a car while the first man kept nagging me in a high voice. I did not run; instead, I opened my cellphone and started talking to an imaginary friend. As soon as I felt better, I started running because I felt that he was going to jump at me from the back.
  7. A class fellow of mine who just happened to be White sent me a hate mail after trying to make me talk about my personal things like my background and writing. He was bipolar and drug addict. I had to block him from social media too.
  8. On some occasions, I was repeatedly verbally, emotionally, and psychologically harassed in different Canadian workplaces and academic organizations. Its a trend that is common among Muslim employers as well. For example, once a Muslim employer verbally and emotionally harassed me by saying, “Why are you expecting me to babysit you” when I asked him a question during training. He was away for some time during my training;  and, when he came back, he said these mean words to me upon my first inquiry. Most of the time, like 80% of the time, its the men who were mistreating me. Don’t sit there and think that Muslim men are the good guys simply because they are associated with a peaceful religion, Islam. There is only a very small number of good Muslims left. Read how a Muslim guy who claimed to be working with abused women harassed me, “Be Aware of Some Imams or Muslim Men Who Are Trying to Handle #MeToo Discussions“. This guy was politically connected and he was also running a charity in Canada. I still deleted him because I feel that it is the right thing to do. You are going to notice that I am following my judgement only simply because I have learned to see the truth through experience.

Over time, I learned to do the following in order to survive:

  1. Read into abnormal psychology. Read my blog post, “Regeneration. Over time, I have even learned how to read into the character and behaviour of the politest women. I have recently eliminated contact with two Muslim women who promised one thing and ended up doing something else in a very lousy way.
  2. Leak information to reliable women and men whom you have met in real life and learned to trust over time.
  3. Create a buddy system. I run one such system through Facebook group “Forgotten Femmes“. Currently, I am paired with exactly one abused woman who is helping me learn some valuable stuff while I teach her what I already know.
  4. Connect with a reliable lawyer and leak information for further use.
  5. Write things down A through Z.
  6. Do not connect with unreliable people. I literally block them from my social media.
  7. Do not make any physical contact with men. Its simple! Even mild physical contact like a hug can be used by covert criminals to further abuse the victims.
  8. Speak out!
  9. Leak information on the web. Nowadays, the women who are usually escaping alive have two qualities: 1) like me, they don’t give up easily; and, 2) they expose the transgressors. Read story of Rahaf Mohammed Alqunun who was granted asylum in Canada because she chose to use the net to campaign for herself.
  10. Use a safety list. 
  11. Amplify my needs with the help of other women.
  12. Use lucid dreaming to heal; detect crime; and, create a better future for myself.
  13. Use telepathy to figure out the next set of moves. This move does not always work because telepaths get tuned out sometimes.

Over time, I have learned that narcissists and abusers target me because I am an empath. For example, once my older relative who used to psychologically torture me, said to me, “You are so fun to bug Arzoo. Its simple! You take everything so seriously. All your emotions really show”. He also stopped harassing me at the end because I challenged the shit out of him. Read article, “Dear Empaths: 4 Types of Narcissists You May Be Attracting” to see why narcissists can literally smell me.

Being a woman isn’t easy in this world anymoreI am still alive because I am lucid. Over several years, I have found so many similar stories that are scattered throughout Canada and Pakistan that you have no idea. I have also been observing that the political/activist platform of North American Muslims and Christians is also oriented towards the men; I have noticed that some of these great figures actually hide themselves behind papers whenever they hear an abused woman cry for help. I know that I have not met many great female Muslim speakers because they aren’t well paid or respected by their community. Read point 5 from the ordered list (second) of my blog post, “Framing and Misuse of the Canadian Muslim Women“. This is another reason why I think that there are really less good people left on Earth—good people don’t mind keeping women on the same page.

In conclusion, my overall impression of men including Muslim men is very bad. My impression of some Muslim women isn’t awesome either because I have definitely seen some Muslim women walk away when other women or girls needed helpI still remember being molested by a female Muslim teenager when I was just a toddler or perhaps I was a bit older than that. Despite all these routine challenges that have been offered to me, I am still alive and functional because I am a champion and a lucid dreamer.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

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