Around 7 years ago, I was raped by an Islamophobic Buddhist male who had years of experience in Martial Arts and mentoring. He confessed and apologized; but, I cannot fully forgive him because of how he was trying to brainwash me. I am still recovering from the shock. Healing from rape trauma is a very long and painful process. Read blog post “Finding Myself Again“.
I am handling this slowly by learning from experts.
- I can still hear myself screaming for help. I can still see how I got confused and how no one was there to help me. I feel a lot of pain whenever I think about how hard I cried and screamed during this entire ordeal. It is scary to acknowledge the amount of suffering this rape caused especially because before this incidence I was learning Martial Arts. So to manage this pain, I say mantras inside my head, which are actually very helpful. These help me feel healed and help me breathe. Read article “9 Mantras To Keep You Mentally Strong“.
- I write to release myself safely. I draw to feel connected with myself. I know now that Arts is designed to heal rape trauma.
- As I recovered, I fought confusion about how I could not do anything. I thought I consented for some reason. Then I thought again and realized that I was raped. I felt numb and confused because I did not fully understood what was going on that caused this rape. As I worked on my recovery, I learned about the Freeze Response. The YouTube video “The Freeze Response And Sexual Assault-How To Turn It Off-PTSD And Trauma Recovery 2” discusses how to turn off the Freeze Response.
- One thing that I had always loved but stopped doing after the rape is studying Martial Arts. My head broke down because I could not figure out what actually happened to me. So I gave myself space and time. I focused on light exercises like walking or biking. Slowly I built the motivation to do more. I eventually managed to do a bit of Yoga. Now I am willing to slowly move back towards Martial Arts. I have downloaded some cool free apps on my cellphone that teach Martial Arts. And, I definitely intend to get back to this routine.
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