I was very excited about Ramadan 2020 because I survived rape trauma. It took me around 8 years to fight back! I was a virgin at the time of this rape so it took pretty long to recover; I chose to stay a virgin because extramarital sexual relationships aren’t allowed in my religion Islam. I suffered from sexual assault before as a child and then as a teenager; but these were milder assaults compared to the last one; and, I was still a virgin after my rough experiences during childhood and teenage years.
My mind got pretty fragmented after the assault that took place when I was an adult; but, I managed to take some notes. Bit by bit, I reclaimed pieces of my sanity that were destroyed by an older and very physically stronger Buddhist Islamophobic man. While raping me, he brainwashed me by saying, “God is not there for us.” He wanted me to believe that Islam does not make sense! He believed what he tried to teach me. I still remember that he told me that he is already in trouble with the law. I believe he failed his mission, which also shows when he ended up apologizing to me! I never fully accepted his apology although I felt sorry for him; I think I could not accept what he was saying because he seemed to have a split personality…a split way of thinking, which is how he ended up confusing me. I believe that I developed Stockholm Syndrome during this ordeal; I can tell that that is what was going on because I became very submissive and different during this ordeal. I must comment that this rape is a direct result of some factors including how severely non-White people especially women are mistreated in Canada and how Islamophobia is rising in Canada ever since 9/11 took place. I didn’t report this because I was afraid of being revictimized by those in power. Apparently, Canada’s rape culture has lots of support; read “Rape Culture in Canada” by “Feminine-Perspective Magazine (FPMag)”.
I fought back as best as I could. I could do this because I have kind of converted (reverted) to Islam before. I was born a Muslim; but, I did not practice Islam properly. When my teenage years were ending or perhaps when I was in my early twenties, I started reading about Islam in detail. I became more practicing after becoming aware, which is why this change felt like a reversion. So when he said and did these cruel things to me, I felt brainwashed; slowly, my mind became numb so I started thinking that I was okay. But, I wasn’t! I was now living with rape trauma! Anyways, I fought back and resisted the idea of not praying to God. If I could not get up to pray, I would pray a bit in my bed. If I could not pray while standing, I would pray while sitting. The medical conditions that developed after the rape prevented me from praying properly for some while. I even said some special prayers that have a very special type of intention attached to them. I call these special prayers, “Silver Bullet”. These are different in nature because I am both a telepathic and lucid dreamer. Read blog posts “Silver Bullet: My Prayers are in Multiple Dimensions“. One particular prayer that came true is regarding Iraq. I was very worried about the Iraq war; I even received nightmares about the war zone. So I prayed for the Iraqis with all my might. Eventually, I saw Pope Francis in my dream around a year before he met with Muslim Iraqi leaders on my birthday; read “Lucid Dreams Helped Me Participate In Christian-Muslim History“. This is a sign from God!
I have almost healed! I am recovering fast! Now, I am still struggling with improving the frequency of my prayers. Every now and then, my rape trauma overwhelms me so that I cannot pray. What happened caused me lots of physical and psychological pain. For example, he used to call himself “the devil” and he used to call me “a nun”. And after raping me he tried to put the blame on me stating that I wanted all this. But how I can ask for this when I was a virgin? Overall, my trauma was too much for me to handle. So I moved on; and, I forgave him to some extent because he also seemed somewhat lost and confused.
Before I share the rest, it helps to note that rape is very common in Canada and some experts are warning that it is not a good idea to go to the police; this truth is mentioned in Kirk Makin’s article “How Canada’s sex-assault laws violate rape victims“. Also, read some helpful statistics offered by the “Justice Institute of British Columbia“. So before you read the rest, know that things are already very challenging for women especially non-White minority women. Furthermore, please start watching out for Muslim Canadian women because Islamophobia is increasing in Canada.
There is one part of this story that is supernatural. When he was raping me, I felt that something was going to protect me somehow. Energies have interacted with me before to save me or others through me. Here is one of my experiences where some sort of energy tried to protect me; read “Something Watches Over Her“. I believe that these are energies of my Spirit Guardians! Being able to sense these energies is the reason why I receive dreams that later come true. The only relevant story that I can think of right now is the story of Sarah and Prophet Abraham; read Alim’s article “Ibrahim (Abraham) – Hadith About Abraham , Sarah, and Hajar“. Sarah used her prayers to get rid of a man who tried to rape her. My experience is similar to Sarah’s because my prayers aided my Spirit Guardian to help me escape this ruthless person. Those of you who think that I am lying to you, think of everything this way. Why would I invent a story about my rape when I am a lucid dreamer? If I wanted to be famous, I could have just focused on selling my incredible Lucid Dreams and earning tons of cash this way.
I wrote this post to remind myself that prayers and Quran are important to me as well as to remind others not to oppress Muslims. I strongly feel that everyone who is concerned about what is going on including good Muslims will fight oppression through intellect, bonding, and prayers. Prayers are scientifically known to decrease anger and aggression, which is one reason why good Muslims will be able to change their oppressors.
In conclusion, I intend to fast during this Ramadan to help myself improve spiritually and I also wish to pray for Muslims throughout the world including Kashmiri, Afghani, Iraqi, Indian, Syrian, and Uyghur Muslims.
Recitation of Surah Ikhlas
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