Ramadan 2020 has started; and, I am very excited about this Ramadan. I am happier today because I have survived rape trauma. It took me around 7 years to fight back—I was a virgin at the time of this rape so it took pretty long to recover. Bit by bit, I reclaimed pieces of my sanity that were destroyed by an older and very physically stronger Buddhist Islamophobic man. While raping me, he brainwashed me by saying, “God is not there for us.” He wanted me to believe that Islam does not make sense! He believed what he tried to teach me. I still remember that he told me that he is already in trouble with the law. I believe he failed his “mission”, which also shows when he ended up apologizing to me! I never fully accepted his apology although I felt sorry for him; I think I could not accept what he was saying because he seemed to have a split personality, which is how he ended up confusing me. I believe that I developed Stockholm Syndrome during this ordeal; I can tell that that is what was going on because I became very submissive and different during this ordeal. I must comment that this rape is a direct result of some factors including how non-White people especially women are mistreated in Canada and how Islamophobia is rising in Canada ever since 9/11 took place. I didn’t report this because I was afraid of being revictimized.
I fought back as best as I could. I could do this because I have kind of converted (reverted) to Islam before. I was born a Muslim; but, I did not practice Islam. When my teenage years were ending or perhaps when I was in my early twenties, I started reading into Islam in detail. I became more practicing after becoming aware, which is why this change felt like a reversion. So when he said and did these cruel things to me, I felt brainwashed; slowly, my mind became numb so I started thinking that I was okay. But, I wasn’t! I was now living with rape trauma! Anyways, I fought back and resisted the idea of not praying to God. If I could not get up to pray, I would pray a bit in my bed. If I could not pray while standing, I would pray while sitting. I even said some special prayers that have a very special type of intention attached to them. I call these special prayers, “Silver Bullet”. These are different in nature because I am both a telepathic and lucid dreamer. Read blog posts “Silver Bullet: My Prayers are in Multiple Dimensions“. The medical conditions that developed after the rape prevented me from praying. I have healed! I am recovering fast! Now, I am still struggling with improving the frequency of my prayers. Every now and then, my rape trauma overwhelms me so that I cannot pray. Despite all this, I have moved on; and, I have forgiven this person because he just seemed lost and confused.
There is one part of this story that is supernatural. When he was raping me, I felt that something was going to protect me somehow. Energies have interacted with me before to save me or others. Here is one of my experiences; read “Something Watches Over Her“. I believe that these are energies of my Spirit Guardians!
I wrote this post to remind myself that prayers and Quran are important to me as well as to remind others not to oppress Muslims. I strongly feel everyone who is concerned about what is going on including good Muslims will fight oppression through intellect, bonding, and prayers. Prayers are scientifically known to decrease anger and aggression, which is one reason why good Muslims will be able to change their oppressors. Thus, I begin my Ramadan with an intention to pray for Muslims throughout the world including Kashmiri, Afghani, Iraqi, Indian, Syrian, and Uyghur Muslims.
Recitation of Surah Ikhlas
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