Around 7 years ago, I was raped by a Buddhist Islamophobe who was a Martial Arts Dan. He got away because I was a virgin when I was raped; and, I really did not knew anything about rape trauma or how to react after the rape. I failed to request a legal investigation due to lack of family support; I did not speak to the rest of family members after an older female relative insulted and bullied me when I complained about what happened; and, I also felt worried about revictimization, which usually happens during legal investigations. The same female relative who doubted me later helped me get some medical attention; but, I still did not get any councelling except when my family physician printed some relevant material for me. All this is still considered insignificant amount of assistance! So I lived with my trauma for around 7 years and used lucid dreaming and writing to heal myself. A lot changed after I was raped. I became very scattered and frightened!
- I changed my career
- I changed my city
- I stopped working out and studying Martial Arts
- I stopped smiling and being myself
- I gained weight
- I developed two medical (physical) issues that were eventually permanently sorted out
I took time to recollect myself. I read therapy suggestions and research about human behaviour online; I made sure to talk to my best friend whenever the need arose; and, due to the acceptance and support offered by my best friend, I was able to gradually open up about this abuse to two other friends. As I engaged in this quest, I learned many new things about human behaviour as well as lucid dreaming. Today, I feel much healed and relaxed! Just a while ago, I was looking at my resume and writing project when I realized that I had accomplished a lot on my own; and, I did this inside Canada, a country that offers very toxic environement to women especially coloured women.
I now know what I can end up achieving if I put my mind to it. I have been harassed and intimidated by men repeatedly because violence against women is on the rise. Read “Some Of My Brutal Mental Images Of Men“. But, I am still alive and kicking in the right direction. Staying optimistic and enjoying reliable company has helped a lot! I am now able to focus on exercises and sports to manage myself; and, I will attempt to join a survivors’ support group too. I will try to find that Martial Artist—before the rape, I had a white belt in Karate and Taekwando—who almost got killed 7 years ago.
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