Challenge Questions

Some years ago, I hurriedly wrote these challenge questions for an online form. I lost my sheet where all the answers were; when I visited the form today, I went blank after seeing these questions. These are harder to answer because they are hitting on multiple nodes of my memory. They are very vague, and thus they can confuse the user.

challenge-questions

I laughed at myself after reading the above Qs because I realized how stress can become a strong controlling factor if one is not managing things slowly and methodically. Here are some similar challenge questions.

  • Feel not, Feel when…Feel, but when?
  • What is this?
  • Who are you?
  • Why did you do this?
  • How did you do this?
  • How do you not know how to do this?
  • When do you not walk?
  • Why do you keep a secret?
  • Why do you love me not?
  • What is a pop tart?
  • What is a universal whore?
  • Who is the good guy?
  • Who is the bad guy?
  • Gimme a share of yellow or green.
  • Who, what, when, where, why?
  • Why do you want a cat?
  • Who are you not and why not?
  • Why are you humouring me when you can’t write?
  • There is a sewer there. Describe.
  • What are the critical characteristics of your lover?
  • Why do you not think and then think?

I have infantalized myself while thinking about answering these questions. These questions are really that hard to answer. Staring at these questions feels like when Jesus is coming back, but everything you print to help Jesus just prints blank. That’s the nature of the user’s state of mind after seeing these very bizarre inquiries. To help you imagine further, let us visualize the reactions of a cop who is being interrogated by a civilian. He/she will eventually feel very stressed and then recycle back dumb content to the intelligent civilian. Thus, the civilian will say to the cop, “I am feeling stressed, very stressed. Never ask me these questions again.” I believe asking such questions increases the rate of your mental recycling facility until you get a real seizure. And, now everything is blanker than you can imagine.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Average Joe and Cop

Average Joe: (opens the car’s window and screams freely) Nobody knows how mysterious and frightening I really am.
Cop: (stops his car) We know everything. You know what I mean!
Average Joe: I am too busy to answer your questions.
Cop: What do you mean that you are too busy to answer all of my questions?
Average Joe: Young Man! Don’t set a line you can’t delete.
Cop: You are setting it first, and you know it.
Average Joe: (shrugs carelessly) And, now you must know who is escorting me even if it is a cat.
Cop: (eyes the cat differently) Is the cat wearing something that I need to know about, like some special collar.
Average Joe: Whatever!
Cop: Oh what a golden one! (sings to the cat) The world is less compared to your beauty. Every time I gaze at you, I stall and become lost. Verily! you are unmatched.
Average Joe: (feels mildly surprised at Cop’s statements about his cat) You don’t say…
Cop: You can go now. Go straight, take a right, and then a left. The rest of the roads here are broken. (yawns)
Average Joe: (teases) Umm! What if I don’t want to go now.
Cop: Excuse me!
Average Joe: I just wanna know why you are dropping lines at my cat?
Cop: This man is senile. Fine! I must tell you that I just reimbursed myself by taking your cat’s golden collar, and there is nothing much you can do about this. Now, stop kidding me and get out.
Average Joe: (states assertively) You get out first.
Cop: I guess this man wants a panda from a cop who forgot his rifle at home. Ah! I hope it’s not the “salute of the dead” for me.
Average Joe: (tries to step out of his car)
Cop: You cannot get out. Keep your hands on the wheel.
Average Joe: (whistles really hard)
Cop: (slowly sees a black thing climbing on his face)
Average Joe: (whispers to himself) The collar had the right stuff.
Cop: (falls down and almost falls asleep)
Average Joe: (laughs and drives) I wonder what I will steal from my Chemistry lab next time.
Cop: (blurches drowsily) I will tail you.
Average Joe: (screams through the car’s window) I will leave my cat’s collar here as evidence that you took it from me without asking my permission. I have recorded everything because I am wearing spy cameras on my fingers and hat, around my neck, and on my belly button.
Cop: (deduces) This leads to that and that leads to you know what (falls asleep like a spoiled baby)
Average Joe: (finally farts like a newborn). Who cares!
Cop: (screams like an angry girl) My life and career has been destroyed over something so little. This guy has no shame at all.
Average Joe: My fart can walk a tight rope and it can stay inside this room…I mean car for really long.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Politician and Average Joe

Politician: What do you do all day?
Average Joe: You mean after work or school?
Politician: Yeah! after all that.
Average Joe: Nothing much. Read books, browse the web, and/or scare myself by watching some movies.
Politician: Do you know we are watching you?
Average Joe: I also wear make-up sometimes because I want to make a good impression.
Politician: No! I did not mean it that way.
Average Joe: Whatever! If you are watching me, then why won’t you pay for my undergarments. I mean I just have money for my food and books─the government is paying for education and shelter. But, that does not do anything at my end. After graduation, I have to figure out how to handle the Expectation Gap on my own. I am sure you are going to stay silent like a good wife even then.
Politician: (does not even think about all the stored money) You will be okay! It will let up on its own. Life has its ups and downs.
Average Joe: (does not know anything about stored money because he is too young) Thanks for the good wishes. My heart is at rest.
Politician: Oh great! You sound smart.
Average Joe: People excel not because they are smart but because they have emotional support. How do I get emotional support when your system keeps throwing me out despite all my qualifications, awards, and skills?
Politician: It will be alright in a couple of more years.
Average Joe: But, you have been telling me this since I was 20 years old.
Politician: You are too frank. This is why I don’t like talking to you at all.
Average Joe: Sometimes, we see reality through stereotypes and bluffs. If all the above that I say is untrustworthy, then why give me a chance at all?
Politician: I had no idea you are so angry just because you have to be a bartender after graduating, and I have to just fly around from one country to another.
Average Joe: I am not talking to you anymore. I am going to go home and watch “Dracula“. He is a hero, you know what I mean. And, he has real teeth. Nowadays, we are left without Dental care. It’s really that expensive. So, we must watch someone else’s teeth to receive proper motivational support. By the way, “Dracula” is better than the art galleries where the clothes of the Aboriginals are on display while your cops are busy raping and killing them. Rape is a social construct and the way people view women is taught and learned in a group setting. Hey! But, why am I telling you this? You are a politician. Shouldn’t you be more versed than just a frigging bartender.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.