Lucid Dreamers Have Better Metacognition

Around a year ago, I met a local artist who loved to draw and paint. She showed me several of her lovely pieces. But, I ended up picking one of her incomplete works—she gave it to me for free since it was unfinished. Here is a photo of that painting. IMG_3940

She asked me why I liked this one; and, I frankly told her that I loved it more than the rest because the colors made me feel peaceful. This is an example of metacognition; i.e. thinking of thinking.

I think I like it.

I think about why I like it.

I know I like it because I feel peaceful by looking at it.

Later, when I checked out the article, “7 realxing colors and how they affect your mood“, I found out that yellow, green, and violet colors are known to relax the viewers.

According to the article, “Lucid dreams and metacognition: Awareness of thinking; awareness of dreaming“, lucid dreamers have larger brain areas that are dedicated to self-reflection or metacognition.

What’s funnier is that I know that you know that I am exceptional. That’s what the article “Lucid Dreamers Know They Have Bigger Brains and More Self Reflection. And They Know that You Know” states.

I love lucid dreaming; and, I like the fact that it is something that can be learned over time. The best part about this ability is that it allows me to derive pleasure and satisfaction from very insignificant things as well, such as this painting.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

ENFP Personalities Are Considered Champions Because They Struggle With Dilemmas

As an ENFP, I have experienced many dilemmas throughout my life and at different levels. These dilemmas are built inside me due to the nature of my mind and personality.  One fundamental dilemma that I struggle with on daily basis is as follows:

As an ENFP, I believe in social justice. I use poetry to enter this struggle. During my spare time, my creative mind requires a daily dose of music, lyrics, and dance. Thus, I watch interesting music videos and engage in dancing. However, listening to audios and dancing can be both pretty stressful. It can temporarily break the relaxed mental state that is needed to enter lucid dreams. Since I cannot exist without aforementioned forms of arts, I sometimes allow for an epic phenomenon like lucid dreams to not take place. Then I have to give up on this fun stuff and adopt the mental and physical states required to dream properly. I can feel genuinely novel pain while I perform these activities, since I cannot perceive myself as a complete human being without any of these conflicting states. This helps me become better in the future since changes only cause the elements of any given system to eventually attain congruence.

Thus you can see that the ability to notice and realize a dilemma is one of the most basic ability of the ENFP personalities. Dilemmas play a critical role in achieving social justice. For instance, whistleblower Edward Snowden faced an ethical dilemma when he chose to leak some information from the American government to the journalists. The dilemma was simple: He vowed to protect the information presented after he was hired; and, he vowed to protect the rights of the citizens especially the vulnerable. So now he is being hunted because he quickly saw this dilemma and chose a course of action. This is exactly why ENFPs are considered leaders who can create personal and social change.

One of my siblings correctly labels me as a “hurricane” or “storm”. The daily chaos and peace felt within is really at that level. Interestingly a hurricane/storm has an eye; and, I have a third eye that opens during lucid encounters. LOL!

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Traits of Heroes and Telepathic/Indigo Children That I Exhibit

Telepathic/Indigo Children are heroes but slightly different than the rest of the heroes. Here are some traits that I have seen in myself that remind me that I am a little different than traditional heroes but still a hero.

Just like a hero, I exhibit Passion, Leadership, Courage, Drive, Integrity, Sensitivity, Honesty, Resilience, Confidence, Ability to Motivate Others, Patience, Humor,   Selflessness, Positivity, Care, Determination, and Humility. You should familiarize yourself with this list of traits of heroes because its easy to think of a hero as an average joe.

As a Telepath and Lucid Dreamer, I have a tendency to wander and feel lost since doing so helps me learn better; have a high expectation of others since this is required to build trust for telepathic communication; have shifting priorities owing to the need to learn many things as soon as possible; and, I can easily get frustrated with societies and authorities that follow existing norms because I exhibit out of box mental phenomena. Read “13 Common Traits Of An Indigo Child“.

If you read the above properly, you can nail me as both “not a hero” and a “hero”. But the trick here is that a hero can be read as both and not many people are aware of this reality. I know that all heroes have a desire to appear just like average joes. That is why a real hero gives you a feel like you can walk over him/her. And, there are more methodical and deeper heroes that let you walk over him/her so that they may learn to react better over time. Another moment of weakness is when a hero analyzes a dilemma just before making a decision—its easy to laugh at them or feel confused about them during such tough times. This is why I feel that one should familiarize oneself with the traits of heroes and telepathic/indigo children because you don’t really want to be mistaken when you see them in real life.

hero

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

How ENFPs Like Me Survive Adulthood

Everybody goes through a phase called “Emerging Adulthood” where they are learning how to be adults and exploring a lot to figure out what exactly they want to do as adults. I have been going through this as well although I am finding my emerging adulthood to be very complicated, thorough, and incomplete. The reason it feels like this is because I demand details, some of which I store for writing purposes; and, at the same time, I leave many open endings on purpose.

For example, when I research things for fun, I don’t research fully; instead, I research a lot of stuff and leave more open questions to explore later. This method of learning allows me to become an “idea bomb“, which are known to thrive well because they form the basis of knowledge that individuals and good companies may possess. Another noteworthy instance is when I decided to explore the self instead of focusing on connecting with people. To improve my writing and poetry, I imagined parallel playing with one of my heroes who is a distinguished American poet and writer; since I liked my hero and hero’s work a lot, I took this gaming one step ahead by indulging in creative Lucid Dreams. For some years, I shut myself away from other people but kept just a few close friends—I am a very genuine person. I didn’t even bothered to focus well on finding a significant other simply because I was too taken by my lucid dreaming—documenting these dreams isn’t an easy task. Read “Imaginary Parallel Play With Your Heroes“.

In conclusion, this is how my mind never grows old. Observing and experiencing different layers of ENFP personality enfold has proven to be a mighty challenge—its like going totally blank every now and then and feeling like a child. Read “Experiencing Layers Of My ENFP Personality Through Dreams“.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Celebrating Eid-ul-Fitr 2019

I am celebrating Eid-ul-Fitr today with some of my family members. We all dressed up today because we wanted to take pictures of the family with my one year old niece Myah. The breakfast included smooth sweet Saviya that were drenched in milk; I ate these with a French Vanilla. Soon some of our relatives came home with Indian sweets. So I tried a couple of these scrumptious delights as well.

I was very excited today because spending quality time with my family matters a lot to me. The best part was helping my sister-in-law get ready for this event. Since she  is Canadian, she has never worn Pakistani jewelry and bangles before. So I rummaged through my and my sister’s selections and found her something exciting to wear. Her necklace was made up of beige beads and there were golden charms dispersed through the beads; the rather long earrings had three golden charms and some material that had the same color as the beads. She wore some white and golden bangles on one hand; and, a red golden set in the other.

I wore a pink dress that has golden embroidery in the front and the back; this dress is traditionally referred to as Shalwar Qameez; the Dupatta—its like a really long scarf—also has golden embroidery. I wore golden bangle set on one arm and a large Indian Kara—really wide bangle—on the other arm. The golden bangle set had white and golden bangles; and, the wide and thin bangles were mixed to make the set appear balanced. The Indian Kara was also golden in color and had a very nice colored shape in the centre; the shape was similar to a flower; surprisingly, this shape splits into two parts when one opens the Kara in order to wear it. The bindi—jewelry for the forehead—was the prettiest one. I had to use pins to pin it to my hair; funny thing is that I find bindi shockingly lovely because it sits in the center of my forehead.

Lastly, I took some selfies after family photograph session was over. I thought to share these here.

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Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Why I Believe Some Or Perhaps Most Pakistani Households Dismiss The Females

Just recently, a friend of mine talked me into communicating with a Pakistani-Canadian Medical Doctor who was looking for a wife for her son. Initially, I wanted to ignore her request to connect with this woman because 1) I had already decided not to marry inside my culture; and, 2) I prefer talking to guys before bringing in the parents.

My experiences have taught me that some Pakistani households are extremely abusive and very dismissive towards the female gender. I have been walking away from them for a very long while. I am very much convinced that some of them are very dangerous for the girls and women. There is no way that you can sit and breathe properly next to them.

After my friend pushed me, I decided to talk to this woman on the phone. This is when I had to listen to a whole lot of garbage. Just be patient as you read this because it is very hard to read into what this lady is actually saying.

When I told her what my designations were, she seemed blank and did not understood what I was trying to convey. I attempted to briefly explain to her about my career; but, when I said that I am a Certified Technical Writer and Certified Event Planner, she became dismissive in nature. Yes! It was very scary just talking to her over the phone. She ignored my explanations by saying that anybody can be an Event Planner. This is how they are abusing the women! It was clear to me that she did not knew what these careers mean; where such professionals work; and, what their salaries are.

One important step that I took while talking to her was not to reveal too many details like where I work, my future projects, and my writing blog. I hid this on purpose because I wanted to see her genuine responses. I briefly talked about how I am running a Facebook group for abused women because I have chosen to be a Women Rights Activist; and, then I talked about the sensitive issue of rape. She said that personally she would not like to talk about it; but, if a victim feels differently, then she will support that person.

After this rather insignificant conversation, I never received another call. Of course! I am very happy that she never called again simply because I did not like the fact that she was trying to show support of such a challenging issue as rape while sounding so ignorant about my education. At one point, after listening to some minor details about my career, she probed me rather intrusively, “Yeah! But what is your education?”

Now all this won’t ring any bell inside your minds unless you have dealt with Pakistani narcissists before. Every culture offers a different kind of abusive environment; what is being said and how it is being said is conveyed through the entire society somehow. Thus, Pakistani narcissists mistreat and neglect in a very specific manner. For example, one of my male relatives used to say to me that he wonders if I will ever be able to stand at reception of a privately owned business granted that he helps me start one; he stated this after he had learned that I have been successfully able to manage large teams and multiple departments at work. He acknowledged that I did all this hard work at a great company; and, then he added doubts inside my young mind in a demeaning manner.

Please notice that it is very hard to catch what they are actually trying to say and that you can only understand what is going on after you have seen this kind of attitude being repeated many times.

Here are other some other things I have found out about Pakistanis.

Some or perhaps most of them have a very closed attitude towards divorced people—I am concerned because I know that creating a void around divorced people harms the society by injuring them first. Read “ENFPs Are Designed To Create Clash of Ideas“.

Sometimes narcissists family members gang up on a single victim. This has happened to me; through experience, I have learned how to use certain techniques to daunt them. What’s interesting is that I can perform these techniques while feeling pain; but, these narcissists actually feel happy and relieved when they point fingers at me. Read “I Have Learned How To Make A Narcissist Feel Sorry“.

Pakistani media including YouTube videos share extremely misogynist concepts with their broad and diverse audience. You can see this when someone as young as Rahim Pardesi—he is a British Pakistani—makes fun of the female gender on YouTube. Read “Rahim Pardesi’s “Nasreen” Comedy Show Is Misogynist In Nature“.

Another valuable notion that I have learned while dealing with abusive Pakistani families is that they openly support men and boys more; but, when the females complaint about this attitude, they say, “But, I support you as well. I don’t ignore you”. Then they go around saying five prayers and fasting full-time after admonishing the victim not to seek a Councillor or a Therapist to discuss the troubling issues that she has been forced to face.

Yet another thing that I have learned through personal experiences is that Pakistani narcissists actually love bomb under the pretense of religious obligation.

Victims who have trauma may never have the right amount of support because they are usually surrounded by multiple bullies who are all versed in different tactics which they apply one-by-one on the same victim.

These are the reasons why I am choosing to walk away from the Pakistani culture despite the fact that I have spent a significant portion of my life in Pakistan; I have been raised as a Pakistani; and, I  have been surrounded by Pakistanis all my life. Although most of the abuse that took place inside the household has stopped, I still face lots of uncertainty. Mostly, I am afraid of being sexually violated because that happens a lot in Pakistan. Read my experiences “Some Of My Brutal Mental Images Of Men“. Know that I am not walking away from them as a Canadian but as a HUMAN! Even as I walk away, I intend to stay connected with some of my sincere and loving relatives and friends. Read “Why I Plan to Marry Outside Pakistani Culture?” And, know that I am very proud of the fact that I have written this all based on my experiences. Writer Faiza Ilyas notes the following in her article “Every second woman suffers domestic violence in Pakistan“:

…experts expressed concern that the country had not a single designated functional trauma center despite the fact it was among the top countries in the world severely affected by violence and terrorism.

Here are two more helpful articles:

Domestic violence: victims are left on their own in Pakistan
93% of Pakistani women experience sexual violence

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

ENFPs Are Designed To Create Clash Of Ideas

I am an ENFP; over time, I have only found out that it is tough to fit me into smaller compartments of opinion. Here is a very meagre example that shows a broader lens.

Yesterday, I was talking to a well-educated and privileged Pakistani friend of mine about how I intend to support a soon-to-be divorced woman. She minded that and said that you should prioritize your needs first. Her sweet comment was, “You are not even married. You need to start looking for a good guy for yourself. Don’t worry about others.” I did not mind what she said because I knew that she meant well. Later, when I got home, I realized that I will help that soon-to-be divorced woman. Reality is that my needs do not fully click in my head. Instead, the following thought strikes me more:

If I desert her, there is no example setting. People are already ignoring those who need help. And, if I desert her, then I have killed a portion of my network, which will collapse some portions of other women’s networks. I mean this chain reaction just starts on its own when a woman is neglected.

Did you see a severe clash of ideas here? Did you also see how real leaders think? Inside my mind, it feels like walking a fine line; a little mental push here and there easily collapses one concept and forms the other. This unsettling way of thinking is very natural for ENFPs like me. In the end, an ENFP can choose the right path based on the broader grid. For me, this grid is built by Prophet Mohammad’s actions where he never ignored the oppressed and needy.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

I Have Learned How To Make A Narcissist Feel Sorry

There are some pretty cruel narcissists in my family—you know the type that make you think only in the washroom. The challenge at my end was that I did not access to Internet when I was younger because I was living in Pakistan back then. The next complication was that I was too young to read into what was going on inside my family. So when I grew older and I learned how to use the internet, I ended up reading some articles about narcissism. This is when it occurred to me that I was dealing with some very experienced narcissists.

When a narcissist relative of mine moved out of dad’s place, he pointed to me and said that he is moving away due to me. I used to stand up for myself and for those whom he used to injure; obviously, he hated me a lot. I still laugh at this lie because I know that he left because he got a job somewhere. I realized that day that narcissists are very insensitive and they point fingers at the victims till the very end.

I am managing another narcissist relative by using some of these techniques. One thing I like doing is telling him that he is wrong in front of someone else who is more likely to take my side. For me, an Empath, some of these methods are actually too painful to utilize; but, I am very glad that I can use the rest of these. Read “How do you make a narcissist feel sorry?

Narcissism is actually on the rise in Pakistan and Canada; but, a lot of Pakistanis and Canadians are “unaware” of this due to the effects on the mind that are caused by “Gaslighting“. I slowly became aware of all this because I used to pray to God, which healed some of my trauma.

I like the fact that as an educated Empath, I am the worst weapon against Narcissists. I can clearly see how they go “flat out blank” after my ongoing efforts. Read “An Educated Empath Is A Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare: Why A Narcissist Can Never Get Away?” Narcissists attempt to subdue Empaths like me because an Empath’s superb character and personality are needed to make amazing Social heroes/heroines. Reading emotions and thoughts is one of the most basic things that an Empath can do, which is what’s missing in today’s environment. The best part of possessing this kind of mind is that I don’t fully realize my control over the minds of narcissists because control is not intended in any of my moves, which are somehow designed to add “some sort of control”. No wonder those who know me call me “grander than the rest” and even bullies revert to their normal self after my touch.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Innocence

Today, I am reading another one of Barbara Cartland‘s clean romance novels and loudly laughing at my older self.  My mother gifted me my first copies of Dame Barbara Cartland‘s Regency Romance novels when I was a teenager. Here are some of my precious thoughts on these books:

The Story That Used To Run In My Head When I Was A Teenager

So there was once a Royal British man who had to make friends with lots of women since it was customary to do so. But they were all too needy and wanted this, this, and that; or, they were not the right one. One day, something bad happens like this man had to save a young ordinary woman who fell from a cliff; or he ends up finding a woman who has run away from her home. Then he falls in love with her at first sight and slowly realizes it. This experience slowly changes him into a better person.

The Story That Runs In My Head Now

So there was once a Royal British man who had to have sexual relationships with lots of women and call girls since it was customary to do so. But they were all too needy and wanted this, this, and that; or they were not the right one. There are times when he sounds way too bossy and mean—obviously, he abuses women too. One day, something bad happens like this man had to save a young ordinary woman who fell from a cliff; or he ends up finding a woman who has run away from her home. Then he falls in love with her at first sight and slowly realizes it. This experience slowly changes him into a better person.

But, then again, do British Royal men really marry ordinary women who are going through ordeals like attempting to commit suicide or running away from home? If yes, then why is Twitter not booming with these stories. And, what is this thing about slowly changing him? Is the heroine handling a narcissist male?

Hahahaha! This feels so funny inside my head right now. I was grown in Pakistan so when someone brings up friendship between guys and girls, it means having tea or chatting. I did not knew what a real sexual relationship is until I was in my twenties; I learned these details in Canada. I studied some of this subject on my own from home, in Biology classes, or by talking to my friends.

I love how I have an interesting memory of my younger self, which helps me relate well to a younger audience. Innocence is something so indescribable that you will miss it a lot when you lose it! For instance, now I have to skip some parts of these novels like when the hero is hanging out with other women; or, I have to read it over longer periods of time so I don’t think about what’s going on in there. And, when I was a teenager, I said the following when an older friend of mine asked me how I would spend my day after getting married: “After getting married, I will sing lots of songs.” I said this because my uncle used to sing a lot just before he got married. LOL!

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.