Some More Encounters With Certain Muslim Men On A Halal Dating App

I am in extremely bad mood right now! I have been reviewing profiles of eligible Muslim men on a halal dating app—I am not sharing the name of the app to ensure my privacy. I registered on this rather popular app with the hope of finding a husband. I have been using this app seriously for only around a month; and, I have already reported and blocked more than five men. These are born Muslim or revert Muslim men. I am hearing things from them that I find criminal. I have reported whoever I could report. But, sitting inside a slaughter house of this sort will never allow me to report everyone—when I get very tired of reporting, I just block.

One man called me from Serbia to talk to me. I was just getting out my bed when he called. I answered his audio call; but, I told him that I can’t connect with him right now because I am just getting out my bed. He got mad at me right away. And, he said that he is looking for an easy going person and not a hard-minded, crazy woman.

Another man just talked to me for some while and told me some important things about himself. Then he just vanished for some while. Then the next day or perhaps after a couple of days—I don’t fully recall because I am trying to forget what happened—someone who looked a lot like him added me to his Instagram. I started talking to him and asked him if he was that particular guy. He just texted back, “Yeah sure!”. Then the rest of crisis unfolded. He asked me to just download WhatsApp so that he may show me some tricks about investing in something. I said that I wasn’t interested in WhatsApp because this application has privacy issues. When I refused, he seemed annoyed. I eventually got fed up of this conversation; and, I left him too.

Then there was Prince Charming who went on being nice and polite for four or five days—and, he prays too. And, then one day he called me and indulged in saying some sexual things to me, which I found extremely offensive. I felt so discouraged when I heard him say all this. I left him right away.

Below is one of the conversations I had on this app; it is my first and last conversation with this guy. My comments are inside the red bubbles.

I am feeling very sick of all this! This isn’t the first time I have been cyberbullied. But, I know that abuse of women is increasing due to various factors like neglect and pandemic. This isn’t just happening inside the Muslim community; this is happening across the globe. Not to forget that Islamophobia and exclusion of Muslims are playing a role in increasing online abuse of Muslim women—this reality is taught through several online articles that share how the lives of Indigenous women were destroyed due to colonialism.

I have reported most of the men; and, app’s administration has taken action against all of these folks. However, what’s freaky about all this is if I didn’t know what I was looking at and the guy managed to do something and get away with it, then so many other people will point fingers at me.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

My Thoughts On Interfaith Marriage

I was reading Dr. Craig Considine’s Twitter profile where he briefly commented on Interfaith marriage. See original tweet here.

This idea has puzzled me often. We live in an area where things are already pretty tough: 1) Some Muslims are abusing other Muslims rather harshly; and, I have come across a couple of such cases; 2) According to Wikipedia, 65.4% of people are Christians; and, only 6.7% of the population are Muslims.

So after reading Dr. Craig’s tweet, I researched a bit. I replied a couple of times on this tweet. Here are all my replies.

  1. I have thought about this often. Quran refers to Christians as believers and states that marriage between believers is allowed. This article states that only some of the scholars are saying Muslim women may marry only Muslim men but Quran does not say this. Read Dr. Asma Lamrabet’s article, “What Does The Quran Say About The Interfaith Marriage?
  2. According to Dr. Asma, some scholars justify why Muslim women must not marry non-Muslim men by saying that women are weaker creatures so that they may end up leaving Islam due to their non-Muslim husband. I believe it is misogynistic to refer to women as weaker creatures. Read Dr. Asma Lamrabet’s article, “What Does The Quran Say About The Interfaith Marriage?
  3. I believe God knew that some Muslims were going to oppress Muslim women. That is one more reason why God allowed for marriage between Muslim women and Christian/Jew men. Obviously, some Muslim men are forbidden on Muslim women because they have “bad” influence.
  4. You should read “Imam’s Daughter” by Hannah Shah. It a true story that shows how an entire Muslim community did not help Hannah who was being raped by her father (an Imam). She later became a Christian and married a Christian. What she did is totally halal!
  5. Islam states that Islam will spread to West. In some areas of West, there are less Muslims and more Christians/Jews. Writer of “Imam’s Daughter” lived in England and her Muslim community allowed her abuse. Its a small community so people found it easier not to protest against the Imam. Christians helped her. Thus the correct Islamic ruling is that Christian/Jew men are allowed on Muslim women through marriage.
  6. Quran only forbids marriage between a believer and a polytheist. Christians are considered believers; i.e., “closest to Muslims”. Quran has 1 or 2 verses that state that marriage b/w believers is allowed. These verses apply to both men and women.
  7. Some scholars are misinterpreting these verses; and, teaching them in a narrow-minded way. How can these scholars say that Christians/Jew women are believers but Christian/Jew men are not? I have always wondered about this; and, I know that I am naturally inclined towards Christians and Jews besides Muslims. Read Dr. Asma Lamrabet’s article, “What Does The Quran Say About The Interfaith Marriage?
  8. Islam also says that rules of country also apply to things like marriage. So if an imam is unwilling to marry a Muslim woman to a Christian/Jew man due to advice offered by some scholars, then go to court to get wed. Choose a court that lets you. That is how you fight oppression.

Note that I mentioned Hannah Shah’s book “Imam’s Daughter” as a reference. It offers a real story about how mistreatment of Muslim girls/ women can go undetected because it is taking place in a secretive manner. I really love the whole book; but, I disagreed with how she says that the Islam allows for men to beat their wives and to kill apostates. Both of these are controversial issues and my research shows that the Quran does not ask wives to be beaten or apostates to be punished. I think Hannah was referring to a wrong translation of the Quran or Ahadith. That’s not her fault because there are really lots of interpretations, some of which are confusing. Read my blog post “How Do I Handle Different Data Collected From Different Islamic Sects?” Saying all this, it’s still an eye-opening experience to read this book.

Also note that in point 7 above I stated that the Muslims are not allowed to marry Polytheists. That is my interpretation because it makes more sense. It makes more sense because it’s very tough to digest polytheism when one is monotheistic and a lot of Polythiests of India (Hindus) are currently trying to murder, abuse, and defame Muslims. Read Dr. Asma Lamrabet’s article, “What Does The Quran Say About The Interfaith Marriage?”. You will notice that even this scholar is debating that the verse about not marrying Polytheists is related to how Muslims were being abused by the Polytheists of that time. I really do not know too many details on this issue but for now I am content with my interpretation.

Now let us go back to the original topic. I moved to Ottawa just around 2 years ago; and, I have been mistreated/abused by around 5 Muslim employers. I am new here; and, I cannot believe that they are attempting to abuse me. I told whoever I could; I also made sure to get as far away as possible; and, I have also blocked some new mean Muslim friends and not just abusive Muslim employers. I am happy that I chose to publicly share some of these experiences here on my blog. See posts under category “Women Abuse“.

I am actually very glad that I read Craig’s tweet; and, researched the stuff. Reality is that the Quran is written for common folks; and, it can be easily interpreted by common folks especially when it comes to very basic needs like marriage. This is why I am now fully open to marrying among Christians or Jews. Truth is that I have been looking among the Muslims for a really long; and, I still have not met anyone compatible yet. And, I strongly feel that God guided me to say all this by finding out what exactly is going on inside some of the Muslim community of Ottawa.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Capitalizing on Muslim Marriage Crisis

There is a real Marriage Crisis that’s enfolding in the North America and influencing the lives of the Muslims. And, I strongly believe that the Muslim women are not at fault because this crisis might just be an indication of Female Infanticide, which is plaguing almost every country in one form or another.

As you must have read before, I am originally from Pakistan; and, I have two ex-fiances. I have been hunting for a good match for a really long while. But, I am finding that there are lots of men who I find unattractive; and, there are lots of men who expect things from me that I won’t be able to provide. Once a well-known Lawyer who was a convert Muslim man (he was originally a Christian) contacted me regarding dating, which we were hoping will eventually lead to marriage. When we talked on the phone, he bluntly asked if I would be interested in being a housewife because that’s what he was looking for. He was a White Canadian man. I was very surprised when I heard him say this to me. I refused right away and we both hung up.

I took a break from all this by focusing on my studies. Now that my studies are over, I am back hunting for a good proposal. Its been very discouraging so far but let’s see what happens next. I just talked to a close friend of mine who advised me to use both the net and personal connections to get through. So, I browsed the web today and found the article titled “Canadian women create ‘offline dating’ service for Muslims looking for love”.

Signing up for Matchbox is free, but a single introduction is $250. A “one-to-one platinum service,”…starts at $10,000. Source: Arti Patel, Canadian women create ‘offline dating’ service for Muslims looking for love”.

$250 for a single introduction and $10,000 for checking and confirming personal details! Really! I know that this service is offering a scamming environment because it does not cater to the needs of the target population. For example,  a while back, I was at a meetup held by Muslim Mingle. I gave only $20 entrance fee for a party at a local Grill Restaurant. The environment was safe because the group admins were informed about how to keep all the candidates and their personal information safe. I was introduced to around 20  men; and, I did not feel much interest in any of them. This is normal because this society has made us smarter and patient. Also, grown ups don’t develop a strong interest in anyone without reading into things for really long. Furthermore, Muslim Mingle meetup was decent as well. I sat inside a real restaurant; ate and drank lots of free food and beverages; and, connected with lots of men and women. It felt like a real party! Lastly, I had 5 minutes to have a private discussion with every guy. At the end of discussion, everyone submitted an index card with names of the individuals they felt interested in. I submitted a blank index card! So for $20, I met around 20 guys and did not feel connected to any of them. Who would want to pay $250 for a single introduction given that almost everyone is selecting in a very selective manner? And, $10,000 for checking personal details sounds very unreasonable. I know that abused women actually spend a whole lot of time checking the details of the guys before deciding to marry someone—one of these abused women is a relative of mine and another one is a close friend of mine. Despite all the precautions these smart ladies took, they still got severely abused. So why spend $10,000 on verifying things when the society we are living in has become extremely manipulative and uncaring.

Saying all this, I am back to the hunt to find a cool mate for myself. However, I have severe doubts about what is going on out there. I wonder if I will be slaughtered or married!

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Muslim Marriage Crisis

Originally Published On: Mar 18, 2017

Note: Some or most Muslim men have double standards that are deeply rooted inside their minds. They twist the issues their coloured sisters are having to make them seem demonic and unacceptable while creating excuses to help White women who have similar issues. They ignore vital things like the impact of domestic abuse; things that happen to young minds as they grow in isolation and while being misunderstood; and the need for privacy or acceptance of free choices. The Muslim Marriage crisis is just a reflection of these realities. Muslim men who just want to marry only White women while making fun of the headscarves and clothings of their Muslim female relatives or other sisters are an excellent exampleI have definitely seen and heard of some of these men.

There is a marriage crisis enfolding in the North America’s among the Muslims. The Muslim youth and adults lack ideal role models, which have been fed to them by their family members. Just like the rest of the humans, they also turn to TV and movies for comfort since these are globalized cheap products. Not all the Muslim parents understand their children’s needs and a lot of them are closed towards family counseling. This is how the Muslim youth and adults, especially girls and women are challenged.

I know that lots of superb Muslim women and girls are left struggling against their family members and their double standards. They want to run away from their houses and be at a safe place where they may educate themselves and stand on their own. Despite all the religious rulings and help that are issued by some really good masjids (place of worship), the Muslims are still left struggling on their own. For some reason, the strong structure that the masjids offer ends up breaking outside─sure, there are rare cases where this beautiful supportive mentality still exists. The masjids teach you to be patient and not to judge. But outside, some Muslims judge each other; backbite each other; and, leave their friends bare. That’s how they are blending into existing trends.

Perhaps, one of the most disturbing trend that I have found inside the Canadian Muslim community is misuse and wrongful application of the Islamic laws and rulings. For instance, blame can be easily shifted to the rape victims by failing to analyze psychology and circumstances of the victims as well as the abnormal psychology of the abusers. In another example, some Canadian Muslim men and their families walk away from eligible women and girls because of the fact that they are wearing pant and shirt outside. What do they want these women or girls to do? These women and girls are living and growing in Canada. You don’t expect them to be dressed in traditional clothing 24/7, do you? They will have to go outside and work and wear pant and shirt. What is wrong with that? I have even met women who are in their early forties; have Canadian PhDs or Medical Degrees; and, are still desperately searching for a good match. I spoke with some other Muslim women and also looked at my personal experiences only to realize that a lot of us aren’t getting married because some Muslim men are looking for women who are less educated. Other interesting things I have seen or heard from reliable witnesses are ongoing physical abuse of the wife and then several successful attempts to impreganate her; divorce through email and without a third party intervention; attempts to stop investigation of rape of one’s daughter; and, polygamous marriages despite them being illegal in Canada. Truth is that there is not enough research on issues that concern Muslims; and, this is why whatever I find out and report might sound too odd to you. Only a very small number of mainstream articles discuss such issues; read the article, “A man ‘cannot do that to a woman’: Why polygamy in Canadian Muslim community could be another #MeToo moment”.

Why is all this happening inside Canada? That’s because there are some men who want to be always in control. They think that women aren’t smart enough and shouldn’t be allowed to override the judgments and thinking of the men. These men place Islamic scriptures in front of you; and, then say that that’s what it says. At the same time, they are ripping off the rest of the context and concepts; such as Muslim women may own processions and be very wealthy traders. What type of very intelligent beings are allowed to have trade and processions? According to the rest of the scriptures, Muslim women are the ones hiring men and telling them what to do and not the other way. Wow! After reviewing the whole set of scriptures, it becomes very easy to conclude that the men who keep asking women to be very obedient to them have very strong control issues. No wonder the Muslim women and girls feel so suffocated around them. Admit it! They are saying these things to them because they want the women and girls to be their puppets and just lay eggs.

My message to Muslims who are abusing the women: “Don’t Be A Weirdo! Not all women are going to comply to your fear tactics”.

Just remember, the above is true for ONLY SOME MUSLIM MEN AND FAMILIES. 

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Handling Marriage Fraud

Originally Published On: Mar 17, 2017

Note: Some Canadian Muslims have very evil and closed hearts and minds. I heard of this Muslim man divorce his wife through email because his relatives pushed him to get rid of his wife. There was no involvement by a third party, which is usual in such cases. 

My personal experiences with some Muslims aren’t that amazing. Most of the Muslims I have met are exceptionally busy abusing very critical parts of the Quran and Islam. For instance, Islam gives the women a right to have their own property, job, money, and third party involvement when it comes to sensitive issues like divorce or separation. Islam also lets you choose the rulings granted by any Non-Muslim country or the Islamic rulings. It gives you this choice to prevent any framing that Muslims may themselves indulge in by shackling the women or by removing or altering the rest of the Islamic rulings and rights. For instance, some Canadian Muslim men aren’t telling the revert (convert) Muslim women about the Islamic Prenuptial Agreement that allows the women to state all of their conditions, including the choice to be in a polygamous or monogamous relationship before they even step into a marriage─I have seen two such cases up close. Islam also says that this prenuptial agreement can be stated under the allowed terms that are offered by an individual’s country. I read these facts several times so I memorized them. This way, I won’t ever have to waste time finding the exact quotes. 

These types of issues are the reason why I have been participating in the “Buddy Program“. Before you continue reading my comments, know that the mainstream media misrepresents the facts and tells us that this kind of abuse is only taking place in certain groups. They do this to blackmail certain communities while deferring attention from the rest of the affected communities as well as their way of living.

Fraudulent marriages that involve force or misleading the women are very common in Canada. Before you continue reading my comments, know that some of the mainstream media misrepresents the facts and tells us that it is only happening in certain groups. They do this to blackmail certain communities while deferring attention from the rest of the affected communities as well as their way of living.

A year ago, I was at a marriage networking event where I met a man who was new to Canada. He sat right next to me and talked about himself. He seemed a bit distressed so I started communicating as naturally as I could. Consequently, he relaxed and started talking to me. I feel that after talking to me he actually got less confused and admitted that he has a wife back home. I was shocked when I heard his confession. After the event was over, I complained to one of the female organizers about him.

There are men like him who are willing to mislead women. Some of them are doing this because they can’t bring the rest of family to Canada; and, others are participating in this genocide to get permanent residence in Canada. The victims are young and inexperienced women, divorced women, or unmarried mature women. This is why I don’t recommend that women get married in like six months after meeting a guy. You need at least a year or maybe more to learn about everything you can including the current state of your interest’s Canadian papers. I encourage women to report marriage fraud promptly by visiting Government of Canada’s Immigration and Citizenship page. I believe working in a safe group environment is the only way out. I say this because I know that some men easily tell lies about themselves and the victim to create a psychological setting where the victim becomes obedient and submissive to the abuser(s).

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.