I do not want to live in Canada or marry a Canadian anymore simply because I am a nice person who is also an ENFP—I feel that it is very easy for some Canadians to ridicule me even if my personality type is ENFP, which is the Champion of Myers Briggs Personality Types. As an ENFP, I tend to derive lots of warmth from the people around me; and, I can be considered a workforce because I am social, peaceful, analytical, and creative. Unfortunately, I have learned over time that I am definitely not the kind of nice person Canadians are used to. For example, there are many instances where I would bluntly state something instead of stating it in a reserved and nice manner, which is what I am doing in this post. I have lived in Canada for around 20 years; and, I have found out that if you have come across someone bad at workplace or in life, then you are mostly on your own. This is because most Canadians are good at deserting people; and, they are super-shy about admitting this truth. However, it is also true that if you are in a good group, you will find friends who will flee from the abusive employer with you. I have spent years building a healthy relationship with two women who left me when I changed the city. We used to hang out and chat a lot; but, I have not received even one phone call from any of these ladies ever since I moved away. We were pretty close; so when this happened, I started feeling that I could not trust them anymore. Only my best friend bothered to call me and stay in touch with me. It is due to her emotional support that I have two more close friends now in this new foreign place.
I found this very funny and odd so God gave me an answer. In the new city, I came across a White male who told me about how his Canadian friends left him too. This is when it occurred to me that that is how Canadians are in general.
Even after talking to him, I did not think about all this for like a year or so. Today, I was calmly thinking about a lucid dream I recently had when I thought back to all of this. I googled online “Canadians desert each other” and “Canadians are not good friends” when I ended up finding the article, “Canadians are nice and polite. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to make friends here”.
Evelyn Sommers, a Toronto psychologist, knows it firsthand…she decries excessive niceness as damaging because it blocks the expression of true feelings. Romance gone awry. Abusive relationships allowed to fester. Niceness, she writes, can produce passivity. Source: Owen Guo, “Canadians are nice and polite. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to make friends here”.
If you read this above-mentioned article, you will notice that the Canadians always tell each other to go to a meetup to connect. I have tried meetups too! I did not had much luck there either because people are mostly there to hang out; and, they may choose to connect if they want to. But, then again, I find it absurd to spend my money just to socialize or to keep socializing with someone in a group setting. Other meetups have agendas and you cannot really talk there with anyone. According to Monica Torres’ article, “Science tells us how long it takes an adult to make a new friend“, it takes 50 hours before someone becomes a casual friend; 90 hours before someone decides to become a real friend; and, 200 hours before someone becomes a close friend. But then you cannot really complete even 50 hours through meetups! You will get fed up of driving to a given location; connecting with someone in front of everyone else; and/or spending your money on getting admission ticket and/or food. So when a Canadian tells you to make friends through meetups, please read into how unrealistically they are thinking and forcing you to think as well. Sometimes you will find people who would want to just share their numbers with you; but, most of these people will not pick up when you need them. And when they do pick up, it’s usually about work or “on the surface” issues that real friends do not discuss. Then there is always a STRONG possibility that someone’s usual nice mask will somehow rip off to reveal a racist or sexist person since Canada is a very racist and sexist country. Believe me! I am speaking from experience! Even some colored people I have come across who tend to act like “nice Canadians” have offered me severe issues including neglect and emotional and psychological abuse. Read one of my experiences, “Covert Form of Islamophobia is Very Much Canadian in Nature“. Another very cruel thing about Canadians that I have learned is “Anonymity”. Most Canadians tend to stay so anonymous that when one of the friends, neighbors, or colleagues need help or get in trouble, they do not know how to properly react or rather they have designed themselves not to react, i.e. they are too passive. I find this very unattractive!
For around 20 years while living in Canada, I have found out that living here is extremely butchering physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Not offering genuine bonds is just one small thing! Most Canadians hide their racism and arrogance under their “Nice Person” mask. This is how they get away with torturing people who thus fail to communicate their real feelings and thoughts in time. One can have a functional network here although this is still hard for colored people; but, it is exceptionally hard to find real and trustworthy friends.
All this commentary excludes those Canadians who are not like what I have described above. Funny! I am left explaining so many things here when others are just saying the exact same thing. But, racism works like this: it forces you to explain things. As I write this last line, I fully agree with myself that it is not worth living, studying (not only the programs that are offered are not properly aligned with needs of employers but also sometimes one is forced to learn or watch as International students are repeatedly abused in more than one ways), working, or forming a family in Canada. If you still don’t trust what I just told you, read this Quora post by Jimmy Hanks who is a Social Researcher/Analyst; who has lived in Canada for 15 years; and, who has based his article on a social experiment he conducted in Canada. Read “Is it boring living in Canada?”
I strongly recommend that you leave Canada—I will attempt to do the same. I really don’t want my (future) children to be fed to prostitution or rape (article 1, article 2). I have learned over time that chances of escaping rape is actually low in Canada! Jimmy Hanks discusses several other problems that are offered by Canada in his article “Is it a good idea to immigrate to Canada?” Don’t sit there and listen to success stories, which are actually rare. Canadians live in denial and a lot of them are mentally ill. It is also strongly possible that you are listening to a lie when you are listening to a success story. I once came across a Canadian man who had gotten filthy rich by working in Canada but who was so harshly abused by his employers that he later became mentally ill. Seriously! Some success stories are like that. So get out before its too late!
Lastly, I must remind you that I am an Empath ENFP who loves interacting with people. If I am feeling like I and those who are concerned need to desert Canada, then this is REALLY BIG NEWS. One core issue that is stimulating the rest of the relevant issues is Narcissism. According to article Does a narcissism epidemic exist in modern western societies? Comparing narcissism and self-esteem in East and West Germany—written by by Aline Vater ,Steffen Moritz, and Stefan Roepke—narcissism in individualistic cultures is higher than in collectivistic (holistic) cultures. This explains why Canada and America have higher rates of suicide than Pakistan. I know that Pakistan is dangerous for women but even then the suicide rate is lower than the ones for America and Canada. According to World Population Review, suicide rate in America is 15.3, in Canada is 12.5, and in Pakistan is 2.9.
Its funny to see how this is happening inside a modern and diverse society like Canada! Anyways, I cannot think any further. I must learn coping strategies about how not to feel overwhelmed before finalizing my next steps. You should do this too! Its important that you make an aware and free decision that is good for you and your loved ones. Take small steps at a time. For example, send your older children to study and work overseas; and, then leave when they are ready to sponsor you. I am sure if you chose a holistic or a less racist culture, then you will be very happy and content with whatever life offers you.
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