How Offering Volunteer Work Can Be Risky In Canada

Canada is currently going through a severe workplace crisis. Check out article “New survey details widespread harassment in Canada’s workplaces“. Here is a personal story that I am sharing here because I want you to see how some Canadians are offering abuse to even volunteers. Basically, they are attempting to change them into slaves by not listening to their needs and undermining the affect of the neglect that they are offering to the victim. I am using the word “slave” because abuse can cause PTSD, which in some cases can lead to severe things like rape and Stockholm Syndrome. I am using the word “slave” here because neglect like this has happened before. I have already discussed another personal story. Read “Contorting Information Inside Canadian Workplaces“. I was also volunteering for them when I was gaslighted in a very harsh manner. It took me some months to get over what was done to me.

Then something else happened. Oh! Note that both of these incidences took place inside Ottawa, which is the Capital of Canada.

So in this second incidence, I decided to volunteer for a local festival. This was my first time working for a festival. I had no idea how things were supposed to be done. But, the woman who was in charge of supervising and training me left Canada for some days despite a request by the festival team not to leave because we were near the launch date. This festival is run by volunteers only; so she decided it was okay to take some time off. When she came back, I tried to reach out to her a couple of times because I was hoping to have a conversation for another event that we did not had a chance to discuss; I was also hoping to chat about one of projects that both of us had already worked on. Anyways, she declined to meet with me in person; and, she also did not call by phone about this. I eventually got exhausted due to all of this and left the festival. Of course! I was promised a good reference letter; but, I received less training compared to what I was told that I can receive if I decided to volunteer with them. Just a clarification! The festival team was not at fault though; but, only one person managed to ruin things by choosing not to listen.

This kind of abuse is ongoing! My skin color and gender makes things easier for the abusers. They can get away with assuming that they are correct. Usually, they don’t let me point out the issue in a group setting because they treat the issue at hand with silence. Abusive workplaces offer abusive gang dynamics. Progress reviews, feedbacks, arguments, and conflicts are normal routines for workplaces. But people have to learn how to handle arguments and conflicts effectively. I have read about conflict resolution so many times; but I hardly see this in practice in Canada. Instead, I see an entire group attempting to silence one person who has figured out that something is going wrong. And, sometimes things can be done so subtly that the victim is just left gasping for breath trying to figure out what are the real intentions and what exactly is going on.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved

Why I Don’t Listen to Eminem

I have tried listening to Eminem’s songs; but, I have hated the experience so much so that I have completely banned Eminem from my life.

I remember listening to just a couple of songs and then feeling bad about what was being said. I recollect that I started investigating lyrics of some of the songs in details and felt very uncomfortable after reading them. I clearly recall that I felt nausea and headaches after listening to some of his songs including “Love The Way You Lie” and “Not Afraid”. My experiences have always defined whether I will accept something or someone in my life or not. I banned Eminem a long while ago and right now my life is “Eminem-Free”. I am proud of myself!

Today, I found another article on the web. Jackson Katz’s article “8 Reasons Eminem’s Popularity is a Disaster for Women” shares how this artist is dangerous for women and even for gays and lesbians. I can see why my head kept splitting with pain when I listened to his words. I feel his work is very dangerous; and, I feel that men who listen to his songs are misogynistic in nature. Nowadays, even some Muslims are attached to this person’s words. As a woman and as a Muslim woman, I feel worried about my safety given the type of environment Eminem is gradually creating.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Seeing Things From Periphery: Canada’s Unsafe Business Environment

I am going to tell you how dangerous working inside Canada really is. I am going to narrate three incidences that took place in situations where I consider myself “at the periphery” of a circle.

Once, I was in a business networking event when a very tall and fat male approached me and said, “Your face looks like you want to have babies”. This is how he introduced himself to me. I avoided him like hell throughout the networking session.

Another time, I was called for a virtual interview by two businessmen. They never showed up; and, they never replied to my email inquires about why they missed this meeting. I sat on my computer and waited for them for a very long while. Then I emailed them and waited for a reply. I received no answer at all. I eventually decided to remove them from my social networking account.

This is one of the freakiest thing that ever happened to me. I am a Muslim woman so I don’t allow for physical contact with men. I strongly believe that only my husband is allowed to touch me or kiss me in any way. I was at a business meeting where I met someone (an older White man) whom I got to know very briefly and formally. I have completed only one small project with him. Later when I approached him at a business event just to say hello, he leaned over and kissed me on my face, near my lips. I felt very violated and shocked! I did not expect this from him. I had rape trauma from before; and, I was really stressed that day so I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I felt extremely embarrassed that he kissed me in front of all these strangers. Inside my head, I said, “He don’t even know me that well; and, he is trying to kiss me. I don’t know what to say!” You know Canadian business organizations are very keen about things such as dietary requirements based on religious or personal beliefs and needs. But, things like someone not asking permission before kissing you are just neglected. I find this very bizarre. Now, I am just making sure that my resume is not handed over to him EVER.

Once I applied to a restaurant whose manager was a Muslim-Canadian man. He didn’t give me a job right away; but, asked me to keep in touch with him. Just a couple of days after this interview, he asked me to meet with him privately. I was totally shocked when I heard this. I mean I went there to get a job and not a date. I had to block him right away because I started feeling insecure about all this.

So all these things can happen to you even if you have not entered a given Canadian circle. I wonder how things are proceeding inside such circles. Read article “Harassment widespread in workplaces, finds Statistics Canada” to learn about what is going on in Canadian workplaces.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

My Dream About Women Abuse At Rice University

I had multiple lucid dreams last night and this morning; I slept in a bit to enjoy this entertaining state.

I was flying over rooftops. There were so many rooftops but only one of them had greenery growing on it. The owners has planted something on the roof so the whole rooftop looked like a plantation. All this was covered with some sort of white sheet. But, when I stepped on it, my feet touched something mushy that had water in it; I could almost see the water. I was taking giant leaps such that the next step was really far away from the first one; and, it felt like how a giant walks. This has something to do with my meditation on one of my dream characters “Dark Giant“, which I think is the Angel of Death. I splashed around on this rooftop; and, then I jumped to another rooftop. I eventually got to the land; and, then I flew over the land. I could now see buildings and people. I flew around for some while; and, then I spun around pretty fast. I learned spinning from my dream character “Dark Giant” when I was a child; in this particular dream, this entity took me in its lap and sat in a teacup chair, which spun and spun pretty fast. So I used this technique to spin my entire body; and, I made sure to look at it while it was spinning. Before spinning and while spinning, I formed the intention of meeting a specific speaker at the Rice University.

Some new scenes arrived; but, I forgot them when I woke up. I am having just a little bit of trouble with dream recall due to some stress; anyways, I still remember some critical parts of these dreams. I kept navigating through the dreams; and, eventually, I ended up at the Rice University. This place looked totally bizarre and beautiful. I saw lots of buildings, mostly brownish in color. There were buildings that were clustered together like buildings GHI and then building D. The speaker I was trying to visit was in building D; so I tried to get to building D. To my surprise, I noticed that these buildings were surrounded by water; there was so much water all around these buildings that you can swim in there as you try to get to the university. At some point, I went under the water. I saw a lot of green stuff floating on water. It seemed to be clustered in some areas; and I could see its boundaries thinning where this stuff ends. I could see water all around me; but, I felt reluctant to explore this region. I even saw an amoeba or amoeba-like creature that was glowing and had several wonderful colors—I don’t know how long I have been submerged that I ended up seeing movement of this sort.

So I went through corridors as I tried to get to building D. I did see the speaker for some while. He was giving a speech while standing and a lot of people were gathered around him. I kept moving around. The corridors looked like a labyrinth; if you ended up in the wrong corridor, then you would end up somewhere other than where you were planning to get to. During all this, I saw some kind of assault taking place on a woman. Then I saw a murder and a rape. I don’t fully remember what I saw; but, I remember that someone took scissors and cut a young woman’s dress off. She was wearing a puff sleeve blouse. I distinctly saw scissors being used on her blouse’s puffs. I also fully remember that the woman felt dead after all this was over. A couple of demonic spirits who harmed this woman were in that building; I felt a woman was also involved in this crime. Interestingly, the victim reminded me of myself.

Here are some interpretations of this particular dream.

Water was all around these buildings. Rice University is in Houston, Texas. And, Houston is at risk of flooding. Read article “Sea Level Rise Projection Map – Houston” at Earth.org.

Murder and rape of a woman while some demonic spirits occupied that building. Some crimes against women are taking place at the Rice University. See article “Rice University Crime and Safety in 2019“. This article suggests that violence against women makes up 15.1% of all the incidences that are taking place on the campus; but these make up none of the off-campus crimes. This is why I saw that this crime took place inside the university.

The woman who was attacked felt like me. Well! I am a coloured Muslim woman; I am also an immigrant to Canada. Here is why my dream character is telling me this. Check out “Racist, anti-immigrant messages discovered on Rice University campus“.

What if the entire dream was a precognitive dream? I receive these a lot! Rice University and its neighborhood were flooded in my dream but usual activities were still taking place—I thought that the sea levels had risen dramatically. Then I observed this violent incidence. Does this indicate that the violence against women is going to increase in the future?

I did not knew anything about Rice University’s history because I live in Canada and I have never been to Houston. I just gathered some relevant information about crimes and risk of flooding after I had this lucid dream. Lucid Dreams can definitely be used to open secrets of this world! Some people wrongly believe that we are just looking at creative thoughts that are reflections of previously learned data. However, the reality is that lucid dreams can open realities that the dreamer isn’t aware of.

Rice University, Houston, TX, U.S.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Is Canada Safe For Women?

Is Canada safe for women? I have asked this question a couple of times on my blog; and, I am asking this question again. I just read USNews’s article “Best Countries for Women“; Canada is listed there as #5. I think that this ranking only shows that relevant data remains hidden in Canada. My experience as a colored Canadian woman has taught me that a lot of Canadians abuse (including victim blaming, gaslighting, and intimidation) women especially colored women. This happens in academic organizations and workplaces.

Lisa Neve was labelled one of the most dangerous women in Canada. After being silenced for so many years, she decided to speak to the media. Read article “After decades of silence, Canada’s one-time most dangerous woman slams justice system” to learn her entire story. I am sure that she is not alone and that there are many more such female victims. According to Canadian Women’s Foundation’s article “The Facts about Gender-Based Violence“, 67% of the Canadians know a woman who has gone through sexual or physical abuse. Yeah! My experience tells me that this number includes White women as well. So why is Canada ranked #5 in the article “Best Countries for Women“? Is it because other countries also offer lots of abuse to women? Or Is it because this article offers mere propaganda?

Quite frankly, I have no clue what’s going on! But, I have lived in Canada for around 20 years; and, I find the Canadian workplaces to be extremely toxic. Trust me! Canada is a type of country you must stay away from especially if you are a colored woman.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Vulnerability and Courage

I am extremely excited today because I have acknowledged something massive! You must have read a lot of stuff on this blog about how I have been abused in the past—I have gone through significant domestic, workplace, and sexual abuse. You must have also learned that I am an ENFP Empath, which are two other reasons behind this abuse besides my gender and color of skin.

There have been a point in my life when I blamed myself for sharing this information on the web. However, I felt that I had no choice because as an ENFP Empath I feel that sharing is critical for healing; besides I know that abusers get scared when they see someone sharing in an open environment. So there are times when I used to feel a little bad about myself because I chose to share things online and by doing so I allowed others see that I am vulnerable. But, now I have a very clear answer about what really is going on that is provided to me by a researcher and speaker named Brené Brown.

Her research indicates the following:

  • Vulnerability is the source of joy, love, belonging, creativity, and sense of worthiness
  • Compassion, empathy, and vulnerability work well if one has defined boundariesthis blog is a type of  boundary.
  • The most accurate measure of courage is vulnerability.
  • Vulnerability is the source of creativity, innovation, and change.
  • Being wholehearted means having courage, compassion, connection, and vulnerability.
  • A breakdown is actually a spiritual awakening.

Here are some videos by Brené Brown that I encourage you to watch.

The Power of Vulnerability

Listening to Shame

Boundaries

How to Navigate the Emotions You’re Unwilling to Feel

Striving versus Self-Acceptance, Saving Marriages, and More

I cannot believe this! I kind of sleepwalked to an answer. I have done this “sleepwalking” before like when I got into the research study and learned about my higher levels of Stereodepth Vision. All this is kind of super-cool!

egg power fear hammer
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Some Tips About Managing Rape Trauma

Around 7 years ago, I was raped by an Islamophobic Buddhist male who had years of experience in Martial Arts and mentoring. He confessed and apologized; but, I cannot fully forgive him because of how he was trying to brainwash me. I am still recovering from the shock. Healing from rape trauma is a very long and painful process. Read blog post “Finding Myself Again“.

I am handling this slowly by learning from experts.

  1. I can still hear myself screaming for help. I can still see how I got confused and how no one was there to help me. I feel a lot of pain whenever I think about how hard I cried and screamed during this entire ordeal. It is scary to acknowledge the amount of suffering this rape caused especially because before this incidence I was learning Martial Arts. So to manage this pain, I say mantras inside my head, which are actually very helpful. These help me feel healed and help me breathe. Read article “9 Mantras To Keep You Mentally Strong“.
  2. I write to release myself safely. I draw to feel connected with myself. I know now that Arts is designed to heal rape trauma.
  3. As I recovered, I fought confusion about how I could not do anything. I thought I consented for some reason. Then I thought again and realized that I was raped. I felt numb and confused because I did not fully understood what was going on that caused this rape. As I worked on my recovery, I learned about the Freeze Response. The YouTube video “The Freeze Response And Sexual Assault-How To Turn It Off-PTSD And Trauma Recovery 2” discusses how to turn off the Freeze Response.
  4. One thing that I had always loved but stopped doing after the rape is studying Martial Arts. My head broke down because I could not figure out what actually happened to me. So I gave myself space and time. I focused on light exercises like walking or biking. Slowly I built the motivation to do more. I eventually managed to do a bit of Yoga. Now I am willing to slowly move back towards Martial Arts. I have downloaded some cool free apps on my cellphone that teach Martial Arts. And, I definitely intend to get back to this routine.

woman squatting on ground while raising both hands
Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved. 

Why Canadian “Niceness” Is Unhealthy

I do not want to live in Canada or marry a Canadian anymore simply because I am a nice person who is also an ENFP—I feel that it is very easy for some Canadians to ridicule me even if my personality type is ENFP, which is the Champion of Myers Briggs Personality Types. As an ENFP, I tend to derive lots of warmth from the people around me; and, I can be considered a workforce because I am social, peaceful, analytical, and creative. Unfortunately, I have learned over time that I am definitely not the kind of nice person Canadians are used to. For example, there are many instances where I would bluntly state something instead of stating it in a reserved and nice manner, which is what I am doing in this post. I have lived in Canada for around 20 years; and, I have found out that if you have come across someone bad at workplace or in life, then you are mostly on your own. This is because most Canadians are good at deserting people; and, they are super-shy about admitting this truth. However, it is also true that if you are in a good group, you will find friends who will flee from the abusive employer with you. I have spent years building a healthy relationship with two women who left me when I changed the city. We used to hang out and chat a lot; but, I have not received even one phone call from any of these ladies ever since I moved away. We were pretty close; so when this happened, I started feeling that I could not trust them anymore. Only my best friend bothered to call me and stay in touch with me. It is due to her emotional support that I have two more close friends now in this new foreign place.

I found this very funny and odd so God gave me an answer. In the new city, I came across a White male who told me about how his Canadian friends left him too. This is when it occurred to me that that is how Canadians are in general.

Even after talking to him, I did not think about all this for like a year or so. Today, I was calmly thinking about a lucid dream I recently had when I thought back to all of this. I googled online “Canadians desert each other” and “Canadians are not good friends” when I ended up finding the article, “Canadians are nice and polite. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to make friends here”.

Evelyn Sommers, a Toronto psychologist, knows it firsthand…she decries excessive niceness as damaging because it blocks the expression of true feelings. Romance gone awry. Abusive relationships allowed to fester. Niceness, she writes, can produce passivity. Source: “Canadians are nice and polite. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to make friends here”.

If you read this above-mentioned article, you will notice that the Canadians always tell each other to go to a meetup to connect. I have tried meetups too! I did not had much luck there either because people are mostly there to hang out; and, they may choose to connect if they want to. But, then again, I find it absurd to spend my money just to socialize or to keep socializing with someone in a group setting. Other meetups have agendas and you cannot really talk there with anyone. According to the article, “Science tells us how long it takes an adult to make a new friend“, it takes 50 hours before someone becomes a casual friend; 90 hours before someone decides to become a real friend; and, 200 hours before someone becomes a close friend. But then you cannot really complete even 50 hours through meetups! You will get fed up of driving to a given location; connecting with someone in front of everyone else; and/or spending your money on getting admission ticket and/or food. So when a Canadian tells you to make friends through meetups, please read into how unrealistically they are thinking and forcing you to think as well. Sometimes you will find people who would want to just share their numbers with you; but, most of these people will not pick up when you need them. And when they do pick up, it’s usually about work or “on the surface” issues that real friends do not discuss. Then there is always a STRONG possibility that someone’s usual nice mask will somehow rip off to reveal a racist or sexist person since Canada is a very racist and sexist country. Believe me! I am speaking from experience! Even some colored people I have come across who tend to act like “nice Canadians” have offered me severe issues including neglect and emotional and psychological abuse. Read one of my experiences, “Covert Form of Islamophobia is Very Much Canadian in Nature“. Another very cruel thing about Canadians that I have learned is “Anonymity”. Most Canadians tend to stay so anonymous that when one of the friends, neighbors, or colleagues get in trouble, they do not know how to properly react or rather they have designed themselves not to react, i.e. they are too passive. I find this very unattractive!

For around 20 years while living in Canada, I have found out that living here is extremely butchering physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Not offering genuine bonds is just one small thing! Most Canadians hide their racism and arrogance under their “Nice Person” mask. This is how they get away with torturing people who thus fail to communicate their real feelings and thoughts in time. One can have a functional network here although this is still hard for colored people; but, it is exceptionally hard to find real and trustworthy friends.

All this commentary excludes those Canadians who are not like what I have described above. Funny! I am left explaining so many things here when others are just saying the exact same thing. But, racism works like this: it forces you to explain things. As I write this last line, I fully agree with myself that it is not worth living, studying (not only the programs that are offered are not properly aligned with needs of employers but also sometimes one is forced to learn or watch as International students are repeatedly abused in more than one ways), working, or forming a family in Canada. If you still don’t trust what I just told you, read this post by Jimmy Hanks who is a Social Researcher/Analyst; who has lived in Canada for 15 years; and, who has based his article on a social experiment he conducted in Canada. Read “Is it boring living in Canada?

I strongly recommend that you desert CanadaI will attempt to do the same. I really don’t want my (future) children to be fed to prostitution or rape (article 1, article 2). I have learned over time that chances of escaping rape is actually low in Canada! Jimmy Hanks discusses several other problems that are offered by Canada, “Is it a good idea to immigrate to Canada?” Don’t sit there and listen to success stories, which are actually rare. Canadians live in denial and a lot of them are mentally ill. Its strongly possible that you are listening to a lie when you are listening to a success story. I once came across a Canadian man who had gotten filthy rich by working in Canada but who was so harshly abused by his employers that he later became mentally ill. Seriously! Some success stories are like that. So get out before its too late!

Lastly, I must remind you that I am an Empath ENFP who loves interacting with people. If I am feeling like I and those who are concerned need to desert Canada, then this is REALLY BIG NEWS. One core issue that is stimulating the rest of the relevant issues is Narcissism. According to article, Does a narcissism epidemic exist in modern western societies? Comparing narcissism and self-esteem in East and West Germany narcissism in individualistic culturesreferred to as “narcissism epidemic”—is higher than in collectivistic (holistic) cultures. This explains why Canada and America have higher rates of suicide than Pakistan. I know that Pakistan is dangerous for women but even then the suicide rate is lower than the ones for America and Canada. According to World Population Review, suicide rate in America is 15.3, in Canada is 12.5, and in Pakistan is 2.9.

Its funny to see how this is happening inside a modern and diverse society like Canada! Anyways, I cannot think any further. I must learn coping strategies about how not to feel overwhelmed before finalizing my next steps. You should do this too! Its important that you make an aware and free decision that is good for you and your loved ones. Take small steps at a time. For example, send your older children to study and work overseas; and, then leave when they are ready to sponsor you. I am sure if you chose a holistic or even a less racist culture, then you will be very happy and content with whatever life offers you.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Some Muslims Are Losing By Not Following Islam Properly

I was talking to the admin who belonged to a Canadian Muslim-only Women Empowerment WhatsApp groupI am not sharing the name of the group not because I am afraid of them but because I don’t want them to be targeted since a lot of other Muslims are using their services. I posted about how I am using lucid dreams to visualize the future and that I would like to teach this. Pretty soon, the admin (a Muslim woman) texted me and said that only God can see the future, which implied that what I was saying was definitely wrong. I felt very annoyed at this comment so I texted her back and shared an amazing article about how it is possible to see the future (to some extent) with the help of lucid dreaming. But, she seemed to ignore me so I could not explain things in detail; then she said that she will talk to the other admins about this. Eventually, they decided that this kind of post is outside of what Islam is teaching and that I should not be posting this there. I felt very baffled with their decision! As a result, I left most of the WhatsApp groups that were being run by this organization—I even left the ones related to job hunt. I felt that they were not going to listen to me even if I were to tell them in detail that Lucid Dreaming is actually halal and that great thinkers like Prophet Joseph, Prophet Mohammad, and Ibn Sina (Avicenna) were also lucid dreamers. I started breathing better as soon as I got rid of these groups.

I am active on Twitter; and, there have been times when certain users have said certain things that don’t make any sense. One of the users once commented that there are no great Muslims anymore; if you think they are around, then why are there not many of them with prestigious awards like the Nobel Prize? Of course! one reason is that mostly Muslims are being oppressed all across the globe. However, there is a second reason for this: Muslims are not following Islam although they profess that they do. My communication with this particular admin reminded me of this fact. This is how Muslims are fighting with each other. What she did is what a woman abuser does! When I said that I am finding her commentary threatening in nature, she dismissed me and said that this was not meant to be a threat; the admins then talked to each other without involving me in the discussion although their conversation was about me; nobody ever replied to any of my messages regarding the Islamic teachings that I shared. Obviously, this sounded super-dumb and scandalous to me! Did they really have a good look at the hadith about dreams as well as scientific literature? They sounded so arrogant to me!

Below is the hadith (Prophet Mohammad’s saying) about dreams.

The Messenger of Allah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said: “The Pen is lifted from three (i.e., their deeds are not recorded):

  1. a child until he reaches puberty;
  2. an insane man until he comes to his senses;
  3. one who is asleep until he wakes up.”

[Recorded in Abu Dawud #4403, and Ibn Majah #2041] Source: “The Pen Is Lifted From Three

There are many other things about some of the Muslims that do not make any sense to me, which is why I have always stayed at a distance from such people. I know a couple of Muslims who are pretty broad-minded  and practisingmy best friend is a Muslim woman who is also a lucid dreamer like me.

I am happy that I have learned to react strongly to such neglect and mistreatment. I do not have the final set of conversation where she asked me to delete another post after which I left this WhatsApp group; but, I am still proud of the fact that I saved the original chat.

part1
Sr. refers to “Sister”.

part2part3part4

Another time I reacted this well was when I was reading about Interfaith marriages. Read “My Thoughts On Interfaith Marriage. I found it really funny that some “male” scholars believed that Muslim men may marry a Christian or Jew women but Muslim women cannot do this because the children that are born from such women might not stay Muslims. Its rather absurd that these scholars were saying this when Quran says that there is no compulsion in religion. Its very easy to see that these male scholars are thinking of having more for the Muslim men and less for the Muslim women; i.e. they are controlling in nature.

I feel that Canadian Muslim women face many barriers that are being created by some members of the Canadian Muslim community. I know that many Muslim men can get away with saying lots of things but Muslim women cannot. I know that lots of Muslims still believe that the Muslim women should only marry Muslim men—some of my relatives believe this too. Muslims need to heal because they are being oppressed a lot nowadays. But, look at this woman’s reaction to lucid dreaming, which is used in the healing process. Its very clear now why there are less smart Muslims left!

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Finding Myself Again

Around 7 years ago, I was raped by a Buddhist Islamophobe who was a Martial Arts Dan (possessed more experience than Black Belt). He got away because I was a virgin when I was raped; and, I really did not knew anything about rape trauma or how to react after the rape. I failed to request a legal investigation due to lack of family support; I did not speak to the rest of family members after an older female relative insulted me when I complained about what happened; and, I also felt worried about revictimization, which usually happens during legal investigations. Then a family relative helped me get some medical attention; and, my family physician provided me with printouts regarding relief from rape trauma. I think that all this is still considered insignificant amount of assistance! So I lived with my trauma for around 7 years and used lucid dreaming, writing, and trauma therapy to heal myself. A lot changed after I was raped. I became very scattered and frightened!

  • I changed my city
  • I stopped working out and doing things that I liked
  • I stopped smiling and being myself
  • I gained weight
  • I developed two medical (physical) issues that were eventually permanently sorted out

I still remember praying to God for help. I still remember that the rapist confessed to his crime and asked me for forgiveness. I also remember that he seemed to have split personalities so I could not fully forgive him due to how he was brainwashing me; but, I made sure to get away. Like some of my other prayers, this one got accepted too─this is why I call such prayers, “The Silver Bullet“.

I took time to recollect myself. I completed a course on healing Depression; I read therapy suggestions and research about human behaviour online; I improved my confidence by leading Facebook group for abused women, “Forgotten Femmes”; I made sure to talk to my best friend whenever the need arose; and, due to the acceptance and support offered by my best friend, I was able to gradually open up about this abuse to two other friends. As I engaged in this quest, I learned many new things about human behavior as well as lucid dreaming. Today, I feel much healed and relaxed! Just a while ago, I realized that I had accomplished a lot on my own; and, I did this inside Canada, a country that offers very toxic environment to women especially coloured women.

I now know what I can end up achieving if I put my mind to it. I have been harassed and intimidated by men repeatedly because violence against women is on the rise. Read “Some Of My Brutal Mental Images Of Men“. But, I am still alive and kicking in the right direction. Staying optimistic and enjoying reliable company has helped a lot! I am now able to focus on exercises and sports to manage myself; and, I will attempt to join a survivors’ support group  too. I will continue to try to find the real me, the one that almost got killed 7 years ago.

IMG_4111

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.