I started singing at an early age; but, I received my only formal training when I was in a Pakistani high school. We had a small girls-only choir; and, we were required to sing for all the morning assemblies and school parties—I was also heavily involved in the school’s official girls-only dance team.
I have not been to Pakistan in 20 years now. Whenever I feel down, I sing along by using some of my favourite songs—I have lots and lots of lovely ones. Singing activates some sort of odd effect inside my brain. I stay focused on my singing like a drug addict; then I dance like a hasheesh infested woman—so you must have realized that poetry is doing something even stronger than that. After a day or two have passed, my mood stays very optimistic, hot, sexy, and sensational.
According to article, “11 Surprising Health Benefits of Singing“, singing improves the posture. I have to sit or stand a specific way in order to sing. Then I have to move my hands and arms in order to guide my singing.
The last article also indicate that singing lower stress levels, improve alertness, and create better sleep. My brain adapts so quickly to singing that nobody ever notices that I was down just a couple of moments ago. Singing and music is how I survived teenager trauma.
This is a real story; and, it is a horrific one. Porn is everywhere in Pakistan; and, it is shoved on children as well. Nobody wants to tell you this truth—reality is that porn is a usual thing to watch even in some Canadian offices. This story shows you how children can be brainwashed to say abnormal things.
One day, I was playing games with my friends inside my high school when an impure comment issued by a boy spread in some classes and finally got to my friends’ and siblings’ ears. Apparently, a rather young boy from grade 4 or 5—I think he was one grade ahead of me—was planning to kidnap and rape me. His comments were very dirty, thorough, and abusive in nature; and, he was constantly obsessing over my looks and clothes. My siblings and my friends got so worried after they heard this. But, we were all kids with really less influence. His weird comments continued for some days; and, every now and then, I used to hear news from my friends that now he is saying this and that. One of my siblings also heard him say some criminal stuff so he asked me to be very careful of this boy. Anyways, I was left unharmed as some students and my siblings chose to shun this guy. That was the first rape threat I received.
I had other abusive encounters as I grew older; when I matured as an adult, I decided to share some of these things online. I have been checking out something very sleezy, something as bad as porn that is visible among the Muslims including some well-known folks of Ottawa, Canada. Some of the Muslims do not help needy women out; they are always preaching things like “Your family is your first home. Not leaving them is better” instead of sharing their connections so that the abused woman may use their help to get through; and, they are always pointing to community centres when the reality is that the Canadian community centres are returning abused women. Some of these famous, well-connected, and practicing Muslims I have come across are really that good at managing women abuse. Given that I have been abused since I was a child, talking to such Muslims have been the scariest experience in my life. A lot of time while randomly connecting with people including Muslims, I do not tell them who I am on purpose; this helps me see their real reactions, which is what any other woman/girl must be experienceing as well. Such Muslims are the reason why women and girls go through abuse even in very modern and wealthy countries like Canada. During the day, they parade as loving people; but, they are covert in nature so they select their victims and harass them when no one is watching. These kind of people are the reason why I feel that the ordeals Muslims are currently being put through are given to them by God on purpose. You can read comments by one of the Muslim guys I have nailed to be harassing in nature. Learn how they talk and what is wrong with what is being said; and, you will be able to nail the rest.
I am in the process of slowly writing down their names and comments because I feel that this community need a strong attitude of this sort. So far, I have come across three abusive and influential Muslims. I am sure that I will find more as I connect with more people—I am still relatively new to Ottawa.
There are plenty of reasons why someone who has been thoroughly abused does not file a report with the Ministry of Labour
They do not know or trust the Minsitry because they have never worked there. They do not have any impressions of the people who work there. They keep thinking that their file might go in wrong hands again.
There is no time. They might already be stuck in a bad situation like managing family and children or just getting the job after finishing studies.
They belong to a minority culture and religion. There is lots of ways of misunderstanding what is going on. For example, Mulsim women do not make pushy or ongoing eye contact with men like some Canadian employers want them to make while talking. This can be used against them to abuse them further; but, nobody is able to make note of this mistreatment.
Somebody could have already lied to them and done a fake and unreliable investigation. For example, some academic organizations including Nursing schools like Humber College are doing exactly this. Read Globe and Mail’s article “Justice on Campus“. This mistreatment is not necessarily rape; it can include emotional abuse offered by some teachers in a selective manner to only some students. Because the victims have been lied to, they might already been brainwashed not to act properly. Those who are left watching also go through effects of gaslighting.
This has happened to me as well. I did not file report of being harrassed by an employer because I was in a hurry to move forward. But, this did come back to haunt me later when I needed a reference for a position. Anyways, it’s a really long story! I cannot share it here. I am sure if you were to talk to a lawyer or journalist about this, they will tell you more reasons why people do not want to file a report even after being gravely misused and misunderstood. Canada is like that; and, I believe that it is going to stay like this for a long while. Very frankly, Canada offers a very unstable work environment for coloured people, especially coloured women. If you are colored and have a job, then save up and leave Canada whenever possible. I feel Muslims also need to listen to what I am saying here. Canada is actually a very racist country; people can be easily coerced to believe lies through mainstream media. For example, read article “How Canadian Media Normalizes Islamophobia” to see how Muslims are being targeted by the mainstream media. One key figure Canadian media uses repeatedly is Tarek Fateh who keeps lying about how Islam allows for rape and sex slavery by using scholars who are not well-recognized or by contorting or removing the real context behind a story. I have read some Islamic texts during my spare time. Slavery and rape are not allowed in Islam. PERIOD. It’s prohibited according to the Quran and the words of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him). I believe that it is due to weird people like Tarek Fateh that Canadian Muslims are facing Islamophobia and hate crimes.
I have some really bad images of some men and boys in my brain simply because abusers can literally smell me and they just know I am the right target. This is why I had to do lucid dreaming therapy on myself to keep myself alive. In addition, over time, I learned how to break bad and toxic teams apart. When I am around, you will truly see two sides of life: good and bad. Only good guys and gals will stay with me at the end. You will see that this is an ongoing trend! This trend is here because people are trying to murder young women and girls. This disease is called “Female Infanticide“.
Below are some of my experiences that have changed me so that I trust men really less:
When I was a teenager, I escaped severe domestic abuse when my family immigrated to Canada from Pakistan. It was so terrifying back there!
When I was a teenager, a male relative of mine touched me inappropriately. But, because we had otherwise good relationship, I was able to immediately stop him from damaging me any further. You know! He never harmed me again.
When I was living in Pakistan, I along with all the girls who used to study with me, used to get stalked by around 10 to 20 young men—that’s most of the youth who were being sent to private tuition by their parents. We didn’t knew these men because we were studying in the “girl’s only college”; but, they used to stalk, harass, and intimidate us every day we would go for tuition. We complained to one of our male teachers who told us to always move in groups and always change our route. Although these boys used to be dressed as heroes—they were well-dressed and well-groomed—they used to act like real pigs. Read article “‘No means yes’: Pakistan TV’s dangerous trend of celebrating rapists and stalkers as heroes“.
Later in Canada, I was raped by a Buddhist male who was Islamophobic and woman-hater. He is still free because he got away by confusing and scaring me. He is still alive because I believe that the Canadian system has mostly failed colored women, which is why I am not filing a report against him on purpose. Doing so would be a waste of time. Instead I am writing a book called “She: The Mirror“. I stopped communicating with him once I became okay enough to read into the entire situation. I even changed my city to get away from this person. He calls himself “The Devil”; and, I believe that men like him roam Canada freely because Canada allows them to live. I got away with extracting some information from him as well as a confession, which is going to get published in this book.
Once while walking inside a Canadian park, I was almost kidnapped by two Black men. They brought a car to lure me in. One of them intimidated me by inviting me to come to tea with him. Within seconds, the second guy brought a car while the first man kept nagging me in a high voice. I did not run; instead, I opened my cellphone and started talking to an imaginary friend. As soon as I felt better, I started running because I felt that he was going to jump at me from the back.
A class fellow of mine who just happened to be White sent me a hate mail after trying to make me talk about my personal things like my background and writing. He was bipolar and drug addict. I had to block him from social media too.
On some occasions, I was repeatedly verbally, emotionally, and psychologically harassed in different Canadian workplaces and academic organizations. Its a trend that is common among Muslim employers as well. For example, once a Muslim employer verbally and emotionally harassed me by saying, “Why are you expecting me to babysit you” when I asked him a question during training. He was away for some time during my training; and, when he came back, he said these mean words to me upon my first inquiry. Most of the time, like 80% of the time, its the men who were mistreating me. Don’t sit there and think that Muslim men are the good guys. There is only a very small number of good Muslims left. Read how a Muslim guy who claimed to be working with abused women harassed me, “Be Aware of Some Imams or Muslim Men Who Are Trying to Handle #MeToo Discussions“. This guy was politically connected and he was also running a charity in Canada. I still deleted him because I feel that it is the right thing to do. You are going to notice that I am following my judgement only simply because I have learned to see the truth through experience.
Over time, I learned to do the following in order to survive:
Read into abnormal psychology. Read my blog post, “Regeneration. Over time, I have even learned how to read into the character and behaviour of the politest women. I have recently eliminated contact with two Muslim women who promised one thing and ended up doing something else in a very lousy way.
Leak information to reliable women and men whom you have met in real life and learned to trust over time.
Create a buddy system. I run one such system through Facebook group “Forgotten Femmes“. Currently, I am paired with exactly one abused woman who is helping me learn some valuable stuff while I teach her what I already know.
Connect with a reliable lawyer and leak information for further use.
Write things down A through Z; and, I intend to release data in the form of a book whenever I am ready.
Do not connect with unreliable people. I literally block them from my social media; and, I don’t take anything from them.
Do not make any physical contact with men. Its simple! Physical contact can be used by covert criminals to choose the victims.
Speak out! One some occasions, I have extracted reference letters from employers who were mistreating me.
Over time, I have learned that narcissists and abusers target me because I am an empath. For example, once my older brother who used to psychologically torture me, said to me, “You are so fun to bug Arzoo. Its simple! You take everything so seriously. All your emotions really show”. He also stopped harassing me at the end because I challenged the shit out of him. Read article, “Dear Empaths: 4 Types of Narcissists You May Be Attracting” to see why narcissists can literally smell me. Article “Is the Narcissist Legally Insane?” shows that narcissists don’t feel responsible for their actions, which is why they can say so many mean things without feeling anything.
Being a woman isn’t easy in this world anymore—I am still alive because I am lucid. Over several years, I have found so many similar stories that are scattered throughout Canada and Pakistan that you have no idea. I have also been observing that the political/activist platform of North American Muslims and Christians is also oriented towards the men; I have noticed that some of these great figures actually hide themselves behind papers whenever they hear an abused woman cry for help”. I know that I have not met many great female Muslim speakers because they aren’t well paid or respected by their community. Read point 5 from the ordered list (second) of my blog post, “Framing and Misuse of the Canadian Muslim Women“. This is another reason why I think that there are really less good people left on Earth—good people don’t mind keeping women on the same page.
In conclusion, my overall impression of men including Muslim men is very bad. My impression of some Muslim women isn’t awesome either because I have definitely seen some Muslim women walk away when other women or girls need help—I still remember being molested by a female Muslim teenager when I was just a toddler. Despite all these routine challenges that are offered to me, I am still alive and functional because I am a champion and a lucid dreamer.
I am still on Season 1 of Gotham; I have watched it half way through so far. Nygma works for the Forensic department of the G.C.P.D. team of Gotham. So far Nygma has been acting very friendly, cooperative, and flirtatious. I used to laugh every time he would throw a riddle. I thought that it just what some bored cops until Episode 15, “Scarecrow”. When Penguin re-opens Fish’s night club under his name, he visits the G.C.P.D. to give an invitation to the Jim. Jim Gordon saved his life and he is the only honest guy Penguin really knows. We can see Penguin’s struggle with the good and bad as we watch him desperately attempting to tie a bond with Jim Gordon.
When Penguin is inside the G.C.P.D.’s office, something really weird happens. Nygma loses his usual composure and stalks Penguin. He then stands really close to Penguin and talks to him; Penguin eventually gets frustrated and asks him to step back. Nygma complies while smiling in a cunning manner. Then, he says something very weird, which is how I nailed that Nygma is actually “The Riddler”; if I didn’t hear him say this, I would have continued believing that the real Riddler is just a copycat or some twisted friend of Nygma. Nygma’s comments are actually very creepy! He said to Penguin, “You know male emperor Penguins keep their eggs warm by balancing them on their feet? Isn’t that neat?” After and while saying these very odd words, he keeps smiling at the fearsome Penguin in a very strong manner. Also note that he chose to convey his sentiments to Penguin at the time Penguin was trying to create another precious and rare memory with Jim Gordon. In essence, Nygma ruined one of Penguin’s happiest memory on purpose. After watching him exert control on Penguin like this, I realized that this cop with real control issues is actually the villain “The Riddler”.
“Gotham” is very beautiful to watch especially if you have any interest in criminology and abnormal psychology. I am studying this series for my upcoming novel “She: The Mirror“. I cannot understand some of my experiences that have occurred in Canada without learning about such content. Canada is actually a very abusive country; and, many abusers and brainwashers are sitting in academic places, mainstream media, offices, and government.
Documentary “Fatal Silence” was screened in Feb 20, 2019 at University of Western Ottawa. It shows the struggles faced by a Canadian-Lebanese Muslim woman, Sonia El Birani. She was finally killed by her husband who was diagnosed with clinical depression and paranoia. This happened while some of her male family members stayed quiet and while the local masjid offered a group dynamics that silenced the victims of abuse.
I feel very discouraged after reading all of this. I run a Facebook group “Forgotten Femmes” to offer free support to female victims of abuse. I do not observe things in silence because deep down I know that this is not going to work. So far, I have helped 5 abused women including myself. This assistance includes helping someone find a job or co-op placement, counselling, emotional support, job hunt aid, and helpful articles about Lucid Dreaming. Some issues that I have dealt with include help with sexual assault, domestic abuse, cyberstalking, stalking, workplace harassment, and intimate partner abuse. I am just one volunteer who is attempting to make a difference in this world by volunteering and motivating others to volunteer for the “Buddy System”, which was briefly explained to me by a lawyer—I am learning as I voyage through this world of abuse. I have fought hard to learn whatever I currently know; and, I intend to keep fighting for this cause.
Things are not easy for women although it’s way easier for men regardless of their religion. For example, even I was harassed for wearing the headscarf by some of my family members—it’s a very long story. However, throughout my life, I have seen Muslim men who pray at masjids and go home to abuse the women of their households. How easy are things for them! The documentary mentioned above definitely does justice when it points out harmful group dynamics that are being played out at some masjids. For instance, a Muslim woman told me that it is up to my parents to help me find a marriage proposal; this way, she chose to stay quiet and neglect my needs. The Mulsim community is simply not there when we need them. But, a lot of them are always there when some Christian or Jew brothers or politicians decide to address them. I have even come across or heard of three Canadian-Muslim female speakers/activists who went through severe sexual harassment due to domestic abuse. Believe me, I heard one story from an Indian girl—the coverage here is really that thorough.
I must end this post by saying thanks to all men and women (professionals including poets, writers, activists, and journalists) who have offered me any sort of support or recognition while I attempt to complete daily adventures of my life. They are doing exactly what this post is asking them to do; i.e., stepping up to offer support in a constructive manner.
ENFPs like me can become “idea bombs” when they are trained properly. They are the core pillar of every institution and society that require thoughtful and caring leaders who firmly believe in team play—ENFPs interact only with genuine folks because they love discarding the bad apples.
I will now show you how I think and organize things when I am writing—I think several years ahead every time I plan. I have been slowly writing a novel “She: The Mirror“. At some point, I started thinking of adding it in my first book, “Intertwined“; today, after reviewing some of my original thoughts, I realized that I can’t squish this all into my first book. Did you see how scattered my thoughts can become?
Online articles about certain narcissistic political leaders
Websites that discuss personalities
My blog category “Women Abuse”
1 book on Holocaust (Nazi era)
10 poetry books
4 Miscellaneous selections
Overall page count of all the above-mentioned books is 7975; and, if you were to exclude 1000 pages or so given that I might be using as reference material, the page count is around 6900 pages. In this page count, I have not included the blogs, websites, and online Australian writing course. On top of all this, I have audio recordings of my life experiences; there are around 400 recordings to review. Did you see again how scattered this list really is? “Being scattered” is a creative super-power ENFPs possess—this is why ENFPs don’t hang out with the wrong kind of people because these bastards can manipulate this super-power into something “insane”.
These are tips that I have learned while learning how to move forward from abusive workplaces or relationships.
Give yourself time. Go slow. Do not rush or do something rash.
Listen to your close friends or those who are going through similar hardships.
Express yourself genuinely by sharing with trustworthy folks or writing about it.
Take prescription medication if necessary. In my case, I was able to move forward without medication because I know how to use lucid dreams and because I chose to drink recommended does of Aloe Vera Whole Leaf juice instead.
Make genuine friends, both males and females. Don’t cut someone from your friendship circle due to gender because opposite gender knows a lot of helpful things that your gender don’t know. Connecting with members of the opposite gender should help you relate well to your needs as well, which can help you realize your weaknesses and strengths in a safe manner.
Sleep for at least 8 hours routinely.
Distract yourself by enrolling in a program or a course.
Find a hobby.
Help someone else out through social media or by meeting in real life. This should help you take mind off your worries.
Use lucid dreaming techniques to sleep better. You can visit a whole lot of places by using dreams. I love it when my dreams let me ride in aeroplanes or helicopters. I can do this all for free. Do you have any idea how that feels!
If you are not married or not in a relationship, then try lucid dream sex. It improves mood and helps you become more focused. I am Muslim; and, I definitely engage in Lucid Dream sex. Do not feel that doing so will somehow break your personal boundaries because it can’t do that. Dream characters are very smart and sensitive entities. If your mind wanders in doubt about this, the dreams will disappear on their own. This is why in Islam we are told that “the pen is lifted while one is asleep“.
Block negative thoughts by distracting yourself.
Learn abusers’ mentality and don’t add anyone of that sort in your close circle of friends. Read “Regeneration“.
Meditate in a safe place. Close your eyes. Breath in and out until you are relaxed. Now think of your favourite person or best memory. Imagine you are rowing towards that person or memory.
Forgive and forget. If you are having trouble forgiving, then do something constructive such as build a support group or write a book about your experience. Forgetting is easy!
Enjoy your favourite activity. For me, playing with nature is very important. I spend a lot of time in the Water Park during summer. Martial Arts is also very important for me because I can think more clearly this way. So, no matter how hard or different this activity seems to you after the abuse, still do it.
Listen to music but don’t overdo this. Manage your urge to listen to too much music.
Don’t watch too much TV. Do exercise or dancing instead to feel good.
You will become hazy if your trauma hits you back. Manage your time well. I use alarms to wake up; I have an agenda book at home and a smaller one in my purse; and, I use the Eisenhower Matrix to prioritize my tasks.
All these activities should help you manage your self-esteem, confidence, mood, and morale. If you did all of these, then moving forward should be easy. Trust me! this gets easier over time.
There is something very poisonous about the atmosphere that is present inside some Canadian academic organizations and workplaces. I feel that some Canadians and even International students are very much used to picking on colored women. I have come across some mature students who intentionally attempt to degrade others over really little thing. They triangulate in such an insensitive manner that one feels at loss and is unable to complain properly. For instance, I was harassed in a group setting by a couple of professionals just a while ago. As usual, they are triangulating me over very minor things. This occurred among 2018 Event Management class fellows and at Algonquin College. Some of these people have been blocked; and, I don’t intend to keep in touch with them.
When these people do these things, they do not realize that 1) they are dealing with mature students who are handling a very heavy workload; and, 2) triangulating or gaslighting someone is unhealthy because it removes victim’s psychological safety. We actually studied importance of psychological safety in this program; but, I have noticed that some students are using extreme force to remove this notion from my mind. Before I proceed, I must comment that Canada’s current environment offers tremendous insecurity to colored female professionals.
This entire argument revolves around something seemingly insignificant: left alignment or justification. I was asked to shed a light on this concept several times by the same group members; and, I always told them that my teachers who have more than 20 years of industry experience have taught me to always align paragraphs to the left. I explained this to them once; and, then after some months later, I was locked in another confrontation about this. I felt very violated due to all of this. Apparently, one of the group members was somehow still uncomfortable about aligning text to the left; as soon as the other team members heard this comment, they started asking for a veto on this. I just stared at their faces in disbelief! Obviously, I took a stand against this all but the colored woman—some colored Canadians and International students also fully participate in the abuse of well meaning colored professionals because doing so helps them fit in—who started this unnecessary conversation later called me “Professor”. Mind you! She said this to me this after I was requested to share my ideas/thoughts with the group and during situations that require deeper analysis. For instance, look at the nature of this situation. I had to email this group four different links where it was stated that left alignment is preferred because it is easier to read this way. It is easier to notice now that the word “Professor” was only used to shame and humiliate me further.
There are more and more such incidences that are taking place in Canada. Most of the time, victims are choosing not to take any measure against this. Other times, the abusers and those who are watching try to minimize the entire reality; for example, nobody addressed the negative effects of such tactics after this incidence. If you are feeling confused about what actually happened, then know that the request to veto on an issue that was previously discussed and agreed upon is an example of triangulation and gaslighting.
These confusing methods of communication finally created an argument by pushing me to state the same fact over and over again. But, the lady who caused all this never stepped up and apologized. I even tried to become her friend at our graduation. Soon after graduation, I remembered a comment that was issued by a friend of mine—I forgot this due to the narcissistic abuse I was facing. You see! a friend of mine once told me that narcissistic moves can cause victims to apologize for things they should not feel sorry about. I also read into another speaker’s life story and found out that he has learned from experience that if one is not taking a good stance to protect oneself, then the rest are just going to keep crushing that person. This is when I decided to block this woman and some other students who I felt were causing some issues. I am still in touch with group members who were considerate and wise enough to read into the real situation and react properly.
I don’t feel sad disclosing this here although I feel very forced to do this. And, I feel forced to take the name and year of this particular class. I am doing this because I have heard some other very severe complaints of abuse that colored professionals and students are facing inside some Canadian Event Management industry.
One such Ottawa-based company whose employees participated in harassing me is “Collab Space”. I was working in volunteer capacity; a new hire (S) mistreated me and then contorted the entire situation to ignore the fact that my other trainer L gave me a different set of instructions; this incidence was formally reported to Algonquin College and Collab Space; and, a detailed email was sent to the Collab Space’s CEO who failed to take measures to effectively review this situation. I have copies of all the emails; but, because I do not have sufficient time on my hands, I do not wish to carry out the next steps of the formal complaint process. Thus, I feel very compelled to point the rest in the right direction. Below are screenshots of the email that was sent to Collab Space.
If you cannot read the text in the images properly, zoom in. I am also copy pasting it here. Forgive any errors because I typed this email really fast! I never received a reply on this; and, I was never offered a reference letter. This is very unfair towards me!
From: Arzoo < @outlook.com > Sent: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 9:54:59 PM To: e @collabspace.ca Subject: Kindly Read: Something Odd Happened Today
Hello E ,
I hope you are doing well. I have to let you know that something odd has happened today that I did not predict at all. L is my Co-Op Supervisor and just some days ago she commented that she has been speculating if she can keep me for longer and keep training me. She said this because I am there only on Wednesdays and Fridays and there was less work for me until late-May. We were thinking whether the deadline should be mid-July or August.
Today, I tried to discuss this with L but I was surprised to see that she wanted S to look into this. I am comfortable about this but obviously this change was too sudden for me. S started out by requesting that the deadline should be mid-June (next week). I did not say anything and started reviewing my portfolio pieces and work completed. I was unsatisfied with what was on my plate so far so I had another conversation with S . S pointed out that she wanted the deadline to be mid-June (this month) because I seemed to have an “altercation” with her during the Small Business Expo (I am describing the whole situation in the paragraph below). What seems like an “altercation” is actually an indication of confusion that was caused by two supervisors. It was a work-related issue and because it is my first event working on a fast event like a Trade Show, I ended up making a mistake. For example, I did not knew what is expected in “Crisis Mode”; i.e. whom should I listen to first and whose comments I should ignore. S clarified this today. Today, I had to clarify with S and L in terms of why I made an error in judgement. They resolved this situation and S wants me to come to two other events so that I may learn how to manage fast events like Trade Shows. I believe that she did not knew that this was my first Trade Show.
Despite all this, I see many errors in judgement and communication here. First of all, L was responsible for getting me training for events. She was clear from the beginning that the Small Business Expo will run in late May and June and that there will be another event, the anniversary dinner, after this. I helped her out with the Small Business Expo a little bit and then I started working on the Anniversary. While I worked with L , I realized that lots of tasks were being given on the spot and there was less planning involved in terms of how to mentor me. I was okay with this because I know that I am dealing with a small company. However, I am surprised about S . When I got confused about a task at the Small Business Expo, I briefly told (because event was rushed and we had no time to talk) her that this has been a misunderstanding because I did not understood what was needed from me. The thing is that I had received two sets of instructions: one from L and one from S . S wanted me to give the program booklet and the schedule to the pitch contestants who had already entered the event space. I did not knew their names and faces so I went to the front desk to get help. I was putting the event schedules inside the Judges’ folders just some minutes ago but I did not had time to memorize all their faces and names. I knew that there was another file that had the names and faces of the Pitch Contestants so I went to the front desk to find out if I could print this out. This file should have been printed by S or L if they needed me to work on this task. But, the reality is that they did not include this in the “Risk Management” because they wanted to assign things at the spot. While I was sorting through some of the files inside my Outlook email account, L came and tried to help me. She left some names on a piece of paper and said that she does not knew which company they belong to and that I have to match the names and faces on my own. So I sat at the front desk for like 3 minutes and tried to find the file (inside my Outlook email account) that will let me do this. My idea was to print this file out and keep it handy while I tried to distribute the program booklet and the event schedule to the Pitch Contestants. But, S saw me working at the front desk and thought that I was ignoring her instructions. I felt very confused about all this and I briefly tried to explain that I am feeling hassled because I have been given two sets of instructions.
Today we discussed this in detail and I was surprised to find out that she never talked to me about this before she decided to change my co-op deadline to June 15 (mid-June). Only when I reviewed my portfolio material and the work I have completed at Collab Space, I ended up initiating the conversation about need for more work. I feel that it was S ‘s duty to have a calm and organized conversation with me before she commented about the co-op deadline. I ended up blurting a lot during my conversation with S because I felt framed and was unable to properly defend myself given my sensitive emotions. I also feel that it was L ‘s duty to have a private conversation with S so that she may know that this is a mentoring opportunity for me; Small Business Expo was my first event; and that she was thinking of extending my deadline because she did not had any tasks to assign that would relate more directly to Event Management until May.
I do not feel sad walking away even though I did make friends with these people; but, I am willing to give myself time to recover from this shock. It is true that in Canada, colored female professionals are mistreated at every level; and, they are at strong risk of having their character, memory, performance, and future jeopardized. I keep saying that Canada has something to do with this because those who are supposed to take action against such oppression are not doing anything. For example, it has come to my attention that even Humber College (Nursing program) is participating in torturing talented students by closing their complaints without a fair trial/investigation. If you do not believe me, read Chiose’s article, “Justice on Campus“.
Before I leave you with your thoughts, I must make you note that I am not doing anything of this for publicity or money. Know that I am a Lucid Dreamer; I can move forward in time by a year; and, I have successfully documented all of this here on my blog. I know that I can get very famous just by discussing my creative dreams. Think about it! I don’t have any motive for lying about this abuse. Why do I need to type all this other stuff about being abused? I mean it takes time to write these posts; research and add relevant articles; and, then it takes some more time to reach out to influential speakers/figures who might be able to take some action. Please! Think about how they are trying to destroy me and the rest!