Link Between Sexual Assault Trauma, Physical Issues, and Need for Psychological Relief

I was researching something on the net for myself when I came across the PowerPoint presentation titled, “Impact of SA on the body: working with survivors of sexual assault to assist them in healing pelvic pain and pelvic floor dysfunction issues“.  These slides discuss how some women can develop pelvic pain and pelvic floor dysfunction after being sexually assaulted. I was shocked to read the meditations that are mentioned on pages 35 till 38. The therapists are using phrases like “My sexuality is safe”; “It is safe to be vulnerable”; and, “I am willing to feel. It is safe for me to express my emotions. I love myself” to heal several pelvic flood dysfunctions. Really! I have read the Abuse Cycle in detail; and, I know that the psychological needs and physical needs are linked with each other, which is how something like hitting can lead to other issues that remain hidden until therapists teach the victims how to cope with trauma. Until today, I had no idea that the thoughts are linking into physical illnesses to such a refined extent.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Muslim Women, Be Wary of Family Members Who Keep Quiet When You Are Injured

I encourage women to be careful of family members who stay quiet when one is neglected. I am using my personal experiences to form conclusions. Some years ago, I was sexually harassed by a Buddhist man. Later, I found out that he was a real criminal; and, that is how he kept brainwashing me with grand ease. I had previous trauma from something else that had happened before; and, that is how he managed to exploit me. I was a virgin when this happened; and, I survived all this because I was emotionally and physically strong. But, when I complained to a female relative, she asked me to stay quiet and not discuss it at all. She said that your dad is not so well and you should not share anything that can cause him to become more ill. Obviously, I got a bit scared and decided not to talk. This way I had zero support from my family members. I have been thinking about this; and, I realized that I cannot complain now because that female relative of mine already delayed the entire process by asking me to be shunned about this. When I told an Indian woman about this so that she may offer me emotional support, she said, “you are an honorable woman; and, you should not tell anyone about this”. In both cases, the women ended up injuring me further. This is why I have decided to leave their company; and, move on with my life. I will also be deserting certain men who played a role in this mistreatment. I have thought about this really hard. Rape is becoming common. 2 out of 3 women are raped in Canada. Marital rape is also becoming common. Then there is sexual exploitation going on in form of Hilala marriages. How am I supposed to survive if something was done to me after marriage? Is this relative of mine going to command me to shut up again? I got tired of all these tactics; and, so I decided to post. I also read into what rape can do to human minds. This is when I realized that it can cause victims to be silenced; and, that is why its used as a weapon during wars. Lies cannot work for long. So I ended up posting this on the web; and, I am writing a book, “She: The Mirror” by using some of my experiences. This book should help you fully realize how Canada systemically allows for abuse of colored women; you should also be able to see how exactly I ended up surviving so much trauma on my own. I have also realized that there are too many women abusers nowadays. So I am going to start talking to more people and share my personal experiences to find a permanent exit.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

How Some Professional Men Are Literally Throwing Some Canadian Women Out of Their Homes

As a professional woman, I have been noticing a whole lots of things not only about Canadian men but also about foreign men—I read the Human Rights Watch reports whenever I have spare time and that is how I have learned about the foreign men. Most of them are busy throwing women out of their homes and jobs by making sure that they are never introduced into their network or by mistreating them mentally or physically. For example, a male friend of mine never invites me to any weddings he attends; this way, I have never been introduced to any of his friends. It is also becoming common to ignore professional communication. For example, I was recently invited for an interview by a company. But the guy who was supposed to interview me never made it. Furthermore, he never replied to my email messages—I am going to remove him from my LinkedIn account, which has over 500 contacts, if he does not get back to me within two weeks. There are several other examples of workplace abuse ranging from unnecessarily overriding my authority and expertise to pressuring me to do more work for a smaller payment—most of the times, this abuse was reported to someone influential or some authority figure. I feel that if I tell some trustworthy people about what is going on, then they are more likely not going to utilize the services offered by these professionals or their businesses. Its like when Eric decides to call his girlfriend Amanda’s friend Alexa; and Alexa knows that Eric is not reliable because honest Amanda said so;  and, so Alexa hangs up on Eric and warns the rest of the girls that he is looking for a date.

This situation is ongoing; and, I feel that it is common in Canada because other women are also complaining about this. If you are in the position to help us, then please do so by applying political pressure or by openly stating on your social media or among your friends and acquaintances that you are not comfortable about this. I am very scared for myself because I feel that my psychological safety has been repeatedly threatened by professional men. What if I finally stop applying to jobs because I have started feeling very harassed and need some time away? What if I keep doing this every now and then and thus keep missing some good chances? What if I ended up sleeping on streets when I get older because I failed to save up sufficient cash for retirement? Obviously, abusers don’t see through all of this because they are rash and irresponsible. I can clearly see Canada changing into something like the trains of Mumbai, India. There are going to be more and more accidents and mental wreckage in the future as men learn how to run this train. If you don’t trust me, read about a recent survey and hear Justin Trudeau’s brief comments about workplace harassment.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Some Canadian Muslim Matchmakers Are Very Lame

Here is one of my experiences with a Canadian Muslim Matchmaker. I got so disgusted after this that I neglected talking to other matchmakers for some years. Here is what this matchmaker inquired about me during the first conversation:

“How is her neck?”

“What is the size of her waist?”

“What is her complexion and height?”

She was so breaking down everything that I got fed up. Who is going to be happy when matched with a guy who is extremely keen about how you look? I could clearly visualize her calling some guy up and then telling him extreme details about how I look. He was only going to turn greedy after hearing all this. After pondering like this, I asked my female chaperone to hang up; but, she complained that other matchmakers might end up asking the same thing. I told her it is the matchmakers and their culture, which is separate from their religion Islam.

Was this all not remarkably hilarious and weird?

Some Canadian Muslim Men Are Abusing Muslim Women

Note: This is not about the Muslim men; its about men who are too rash and who thus end up participating in systemic oppression of women. I must comment that I edited this post a bit after posting it for the first time. Its just that I wasn’t thinking clearly after this incidence; and, I had to talk to two of my close friend in order to get over this blow. Then, I added some important missing information to this post. As I write this, I am asking myself, “Where are the Forgotten Femmes going to go if men kept pushing me away from workplaces like this? I mean this society isn’t run by women alone.” And, know that I am speaking from experience. I am a survivor of domestic and workplace abuse; that is how I can read into abusers’ moves.

Some Canadian Muslim men—and, some non-Muslim men—are abusing Canadian Muslim women very thoroughly. I say “Canadian Muslim women” and not “some Canadian Muslim women” because hurting one means hurting the rest by collapsing a part of one’s network. Obviously, this also means that they are hurting non-Muslim women as well. For example, a potential employer just asked me out after only one job interview; one brief telephone conversation about work; and, some precise text messages that are not intimate or romantic in nature. I felt hassled because I was partially under his control since he was interested in working with me. I cannot discuss the entire situation here but sometimes he sounded pushy; and, he also asked some questions that don’t quite belong within the context he was pretending to operate. For example, he texted me, “Let me know if you need anything until you get the job”. His questions/comments were designed to cue me to talk further and open up about some of my personal circumstance until he felt cozy about stating what he had to state. This is an example of “control through economic means and male privilege”. See “Power and Control Wheel”. Again, he did this rather quickly and after seeing me only once—unfortunately, I have only some of the text messages saved and no recorded telephone conversation. He vaguely conveyed that he was going to help me quickly if I ended up dating him for a bit. I felt so scared that I ended up thinking back to how two other young Muslim women had told me similar stories about themselves. Those two were gravely misused by some Muslim men and then let go; I was there as a “Buddy” to help both of them. I can’t imagine working next to this man now simply because of what happened or it could be because I felt that he had wrong intentions. I mean who could ask someone out so quickly? Whatever his intention was, I am not comfortable around him any further. I think I will not take the job that he was planning to offer me; and, I had to block his number so now I don’t have any access to any of his connections. I clearly see why a previous Muslim employer coerced me to take a ride with him after inviting me to have lunch with him; and, another Muslim employer asked me to meet him for an interview and portfolio review for around 5 times. I felt forced to comply by their requests. Only the second incidence was formally reported and some action was taken because some official authorities were nearby when this happened. I removed these two men from my network as well; and, I have come to a firm conclusion that I will have to keep breaking contact like this and keep looking for a job until I find some decent people to work with.  Add to this the fact that workplace abuse is becoming more common in Canada, which I now acknowledge as one of the most racist countries in this world; and, you have some crazy answers in front of you. Now, you should be able to gradually see how the victims/survivors cope with abuse; how they attempt to escape; how escape is not always possible or very difficult; and, how it becomes possible to trap, abuse, or rape them again.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

2 out of 3 Canadians: Lack of Sexual Consent, Pornography, and Sex Trafficking

I have volunteered to help out abused women before; I have a history of being physically, verbally, and sexually assaulted; and, this is why I was not surprised when I read online that 2 out of 3 Canadians do not know what sexual consent means.

I wanted to know why they did not knew about this simple task so I goggled it online. According to HuffingtonPost article, “Two Reasons Canadians Are Confused About Sexual Consent”, which is written by Diane Hill, most Canadians don’t know about sexual consent because of Sexism and Silence. This article further states the following:

They still think “real” men should aggressively pursue sex and “good” women should resist (and eventually give in).

Aggressive behaviour (by men or usual offenders) and resistance (by women or usual victims) are characteristics of rape not sex. Again, I am not surprised to read the implication that most Canadians see sex as rape.

The above article misses the role of porn in creating aggressive behaviour. Porn is actually a much loved concept among Canadians, which is hilarious given how shy and reserved most Canadians appear. I find it shocking to see that most Canadians are heading that way while not attempting to learn about the actual fun associated with courting, obtaining sexual consent, and then forming and maintaining a real relationship.

Pornhub receives over 3.7 million unique visitors in Canada per month, which accounts for 10.6% of the country, and that’s just one porn site! So clearly, there’s a bit of underreporting going on when it comes to Canadians denying their own love of porn. Source: “Canadians Love to Pretend They Don’t Watch Porn” by Justin Ling.

Just one porn site, Pornhub, receives 10.6% of the Canadian population. I realize why some men at one of my previous workplaces were talking about porn so openly—obviously, I moved away from that office pretty soon. So what exactly is pornography doing to change sexual behaviour and harm the partner/spouse? According to Brian Mcneill’s article “How pornography influences and harms sexual behaviour” males who watched porn visualized pornographic images during sex on purpose. OK! If you are experiencing porn and not sex during sexual encounters, then how are you going to read your partner well? How are you going to tell that you are hurting your partner or just having fun?

Furthermore, I think that if pornography is twisting men’s behaviour, then it can cause rape really easily. For example, some porn involves intimate acts after listening to just a little bit of conversation that is not always considered romantic. Correct! If you study a rapist up close, you will see that he/she acts the same way.

We found that exposure to pornography increased dart throwing at human faces, which is correlated with aggressive tendencies….In particular, viewing violent pornography can increase males’ subsequent aggressive behaviour because it portrays a male’s coercive and aggressive behavior against a female victim as being a reward. Source: “Effects of Exposure to Pornography on Male Aggressive Behavioral Tendencies” by Dong-ouk Yang and Gahyun Youn.

Now think about this! Most Canadians are busy watching porn, which is what’s skewing their behaviour. Men are learning to be more aggressive and thus most women have learned to walk away. I have even met some Canadian women who do not want to have any sort of relationship with men due to their history of abuse. So if there are more and more Canadian women who are like this, then obviously men are watching more and more porn. But, that might be adding more force inside their minds. So what do they end up doing? Well! They are then participating in sex trafficking.

When men use pornography, in that process they are trained as tricks. Pornography is men’s rehearsal for prostitution. Source: “The Problem of Demand in Combating Sex Trafficking” by CAIRN INFO.

This above quote now takes us to the Erika Klein’s article “Human Sex Trafficking: Canada’s Hidden Crime”, which was published on The Mantle.

A booming black market industry, earning $32 billion dollars annually, more than the worth of Google, Starbucks and Nike combined. Human trafficking for the purposes of selling sexual acts, also known as sexual terrorism, is the use of illicit sex, violence and threats to intimidate or coerce to the state of fear and submission. It’s a problem worldwide, but it is becoming more widespread in North America, especially in Canada.

So you see why 2 out of 3 Canadians don’t know about sexual consent? So you see their future given that pornography and sex trafficking remain high in Canada?

Perhaps, it helps to know that Canada’s legal system itself is helping these causes. For example, the article “Why police dismiss 1 in 5 sexual assault claims as baseless” by Robyn Doolittle clearly state some flaws in the process used to handle sexual assault allegations.

Every year, an average of 5,500 people are reporting sexual violence to Canadian police, but their cases are dropping out of the system as unfounded long before a Crown prosecutor, judge or jury has a chance to weigh in.

The result is a game of chance for Canadian sex-assault complainants, whose odds of justice are determined not only by the facts of their case, but by where the crime took place, which police force picks up their file, and what officer shows up at their door.

Earlier in my blog, you must have read that I stated that Canada is actually one of the most dangerous countries to live in. Again, you can see why I think so.

Capitalizing on Muslim Marriage Crisis

There is a real Marriage Crisis that’s enfolding in the North America and influencing the lives of the Muslims. And, I strongly believe that the Muslim women are not at fault because this crisis might just be an indication of Female Infanticide, which is plaguing almost every country in one form or another.

As you must have read before, I am originally from Pakistan; and, I have two ex-fiances. I have been hunting for a good match for a really long while. But, I am finding that there are lots of men who I find unattractive; and, there are lots of men who expect things from me that I won’t be able to provide. Once a well-known Lawyer who was a convert Muslim man (he was originally a Christian) contacted me regarding dating, which we were hoping will eventually lead to marriage. When we talked on the phone, he bluntly asked if I would be interested in being a housewife because that’s what he was looking for. He was a White Canadian man. I was very surprised when I heard him say this to me. I refused right away and we both hung up.

I took a break from all this by focusing on my studies. Now that my studies are over, I am back hunting for a good proposal. Its been very discouraging so far but let’s see what happens next. I just talked to a close friend of mine who advised me to use both the net and personal connections to get through. So, I browsed the web today and found the article titled “Canadian women create ‘offline dating’ service for Muslims looking for love”.

Signing up for Matchbox is free, but a single introduction is $250. A “one-to-one platinum service,” which includes meeting the person’s friends and family, and confirming details like health, education and employment, start at $10,000.

$250 for a single introduction and $10,000 for checking and confirming personal details! Really! I know that this service is offering a scamming environment because it does not cater to the needs of the target population. For example,  a while back, I was at a meetup held by Muslim Mingle. I gave only $20 entrance fee for a party at a local Grill Restaurant. The environment was safe because the group admins were informed about how to keep all the candidates and their personal information safe. I was introduced to around 20  men; and, I did not feel much interest in any of them. This is normal because this society has made us smarter and patient. Also, grown ups don’t develop a strong interest in anyone without reading into things for really long. Furthermore, Muslim Mingle meetup was decent as well. I sat inside a real restaurant; ate and drank lots of free food and beverages; and, connected with lots of men and women. It felt like a real party! Lastly, I had 5 minutes to have a private discussion with every guy. At the end of discussion, everyone submitted an index card with names of the individuals they felt interested in. I submitted a blank index card! So for $20, I met around 20 guys and did not feel connected to any of them. Who would want to pay $250 for a single introduction given that almost everyone is selecting in a very selective manner? And, $10,000 for checking personal details sounds very unreasonable. I know a couple of abused women who actually spent a whole lot of time checking the details of their guys before marrying them—one of these abused women is a relative of mine and another one is a close friend of mine. Despite all the precautions these smart ladies took, they still got severely abused. So why spend $10,000 on verifying things when the society we are living in has become extremely manipulative and uncaring.

Saying all this, I am back to the hunt to find a cool mate for myself. However, I have severe doubts about what is going on out there. I wonder if I will be slaughtered or married!

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

“What’s Next?” Does Not Work in Canada.

A lot of Canadians have an odd attitude where they justify and explain things only to benefit themselves. This holds true for workplaces and private lives. Here are some very odd things that I have heard or observed while living in Canada:

1) Friends who tell the victims that they are their close friends and mean her/him well; but, they do not even call to check on them, not even after four years have passed. Know what is a true friend. 

2) Some White people cannot relate well to colored people. When you talk them about something, they sound really off and uneducated. They think they can just scream about things and get away with it. They even work like this. It’s scary to see them living in their own world especially when the Internet is booming with complaints from the coloured Canadian. Maybe, these kind of White people are self-righteous.

3) Rapists who think they have not done anything wrong; and, their victims who have now Stockholm Syndrome are consenting on their own. 2/3 Canadians do not know what sexual consent means. So if you hear a Canadian man saying ill things about some women, then check his brain and behaviour thoroughly. He might just be a rapist or a strong woman abuser. Their deep narcisstic nature helps them shun the victims and everyone else further by lying and complaining. 

4) Sex Trafficking (lethal sex predators who can double personalities work with younger people and even the disabled in the offices) and trafficking of assets through a Glass Ceiling and Workplace violence is a norm. This is worst in some cities and not so obvious in other cities.

5) There is a food crisis going on for years. I heard about this around 10 years ago from a friend. Here is a complaint by Olivier De Schutter who is UN Special Rapporteur on the Right to Food. 

At first glance it is hard to understand how 800,000 households are food insecure in a country as prosperous as Canada, ranked sixth in the Human Development Index (link is external). Scratching the surface, however, innumerable reasons emerge to explain the shocking levels of hunger and malnutrition in the country.

The above-mentioned report was from 2012 and here is another one from 2015. The later report states that more than a million Canadians live without healthy food. 

6) Social Security pays really less and they expect you to pay your rent, grocery, and all the etceteras with $500 or so. But the reality is that it takes around $2000 per month to live decently in Canada.

There are more and more things about Canada that don’t make any sense. Canada is number 24 on the list provided in article “The 30 richest countries in the world”. One of my ex-finances, the one who is from Belgium, got married a long while ago—he must be fully settled now (wealthier than before). He was learning Plumbing in Belgium  around 10 years ago; and, he told me that education is almost free in Belgium. He said that this is why it would be easier for me to study in Belgium and open my own business just like him. I was younger and inexperienced back then. And, I felt that it was not going to work out with him so I did not leave for Belgium. Today, I am looking at this list and it states that Belgium is number 25 on the list. This means it’s a bit poorer than Canada, which is known to lock students in a cycle of student debt (OSAP) and offer a very hard-core expectation gap. 

“What’s Next?” does not work in Canada because Canadian government is locking funds away from people and creating an exceptionally wide Rich-Poor Gap.

I landed in Canada in 1997 so all of the stuff that I have described above is coming from experience or by listening to another fellow Canadian. Canada is one of the most wronged country in the world.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.