Why I Believe Some Or Perhaps Most Pakistani Households Dismiss The Females

Just recently, a friend of mine talked me into communicating with a Pakistani-Canadian Medical Doctor who was looking for a wife for her son. Initially, I wanted to ignore her request to connect with this woman because 1) I had already decided not to marry inside my culture; and, 2) I prefer talking to guys before bringing in the parents.

My experiences have taught me that some Pakistani households are extremely abusive and very dismissive towards the female gender. I have been walking away from them for a very long while. I am very much convinced that some of them are very dangerous for the girls and women. There is no way that you can sit and breathe properly next to them.

After my friend pushed me, I decided to talk to this woman on the phone. This is when I had to listen to a whole lot of garbage. Just be patient as you read this because it is very hard to read into what this lady is actually saying.

When I told her what my designations were, she seemed blank and did not understood what I was trying to convey. I attempted to briefly explain to her about my career; but, when I said that I am a Certified Technical Writer and Certified Event Planner, she became dismissive in nature. Yes! It was very scary just talking to her over the phone. She ignored my explanations by saying that anybody can be an Event Planner. This is how they are abusing the women! It was clear to me that she did not knew what these careers mean; where such professionals work; and, what their salaries are.

One important step that I took while talking to her was not to reveal too many details like where I work, my future projects, and my writing blog. I hid this on purpose because I wanted to see her genuine responses. I briefly talked about how I am running a Facebook group for abused women because I have chosen to be a Women Rights Activist; and, then I talked about the sensitive issue of rape. She said that personally she would not like to talk about it; but, if a victim feels differently, then she will support that person.

After this rather insignificant conversation, I never received another call. Of course! I am very happy that she never called again simply because I did not like the fact that she was trying to show support of such a challenging issue as rape while sounding so ignorant about my education. At one point, after listening to some minor details about my career, she probed me rather intrusively, “Yeah! But what is your education?”

Now all this won’t ring any bell inside your minds unless you have dealt with Pakistani narcissists before. Every culture offers a different kind of abusive environment; what is being said and how it is being said is conveyed through the entire society somehow. Thus, Pakistani narcissists mistreat and neglect in a very specific manner. For example, one of my male relatives used to say to me that he wonders if I will ever be able to stand at reception of a privately owned business granted that he helps me start one; he stated this after he had learned that I have been successfully able to manage large teams and multiple departments at work. He acknowledged that I did all this hard work at a great company; and, then he added doubts inside my young mind in a demeaning manner.

Please notice that it is very hard to catch what they are actually trying to say and that you can only understand what is going on after you have seen this kind of attitude being repeated many times.

Here are other some other things I have found out about Pakistanis.

Some or perhaps most of them have a very closed attitude towards divorced people—I am concerned because I know that creating a void around divorced people harms the society by injuring them first. Read “ENFPs Are Designed To Create Clash of Ideas“.

Sometimes narcissists family members gang up on a single victim. This has happened to me; through experience, I have learned how to use certain techniques to daunt them. What’s interesting is that I can perform these techniques while feeling pain; but, these narcissists actually feel happy and relieved when they point fingers at me. Read “I Have Learned How To Make A Narcissist Feel Sorry“.

Pakistani media including YouTube videos share extremely misogynist concepts with their broad and diverse audience. You can see this when someone as young as Rahim Pardesi—he is a British Pakistani—makes fun of the female gender on YouTube. Read “Rahim Pardesi’s “Nasreen” Comedy Show Is Misogynist In Nature“.

Another valuable notion that I have learned while dealing with abusive Pakistani families is that they openly support men and boys more; but, when the females complaint about this attitude, they say, “But, I support you as well. I don’t ignore you”. Then they go around saying five prayers and fasting full-time after admonishing the victim not to seek a Councillor or a Therapist to discuss the troubling issues that she has been forced to face.

Yet another thing that I have learned through personal experiences is that Pakistani narcissists actually love bomb under the pretense of religious obligation.

Victims who have trauma may never have the right amount of support because they are usually surrounded by multiple bullies who are all versed in different tactics which they apply one-by-one on the same victim.

These are the reasons why I am choosing to walk away from the Pakistani culture despite the fact that I have spent a significant portion of my life in Pakistan; I have been raised as a Pakistani; and, I  have been surrounded by Pakistanis all my life. Although most of the abuse that took place inside the household has stopped, I still face lots of uncertainty. Mostly, I am afraid of being sexually violated because that happens a lot in Pakistan. Read my experiences “Some Of My Brutal Mental Images Of Men“. Know that I am not walking away from them as a Canadian but as a HUMAN! Even as I walk away, I intend to stay connected with some of my sincere and loving relatives and friends. Read “Why I Plan to Marry Outside Pakistani Culture?” And, know that I am very proud of the fact that I have written this all based on my experiences. Writer Faiza Ilyas notes the following in her article “Every second woman suffers domestic violence in Pakistan“:

…experts expressed concern that the country had not a single designated functional trauma center despite the fact it was among the top countries in the world severely affected by violence and terrorism.

Here are two more helpful articles:

Domestic violence: victims are left on their own in Pakistan
93% of Pakistani women experience sexual violence

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

How “One World Film Festival” Raises Awareness About Global Issues

Canadian youth and adults are challenged by a fast-paced system and a politically charged environment where many are aware about the need to promote awareness of relevant international and local issues. A film festival like One World Film Festival (OWFF) thus plays a pivotal role in shaping opinion by empowering citizens. People who are dwelling on Planet Earth in today’s world are pressured to absorb information fast, which is how the new generation is being shaped to work and think more quickly by retrieving data from various stimuli and resources.

One of the very first films that I watched—in grade 11, I think—to learn about issues surrounding mental and physical health was Tennessee William’s “The Glass Menagerie”. This fiction movie shares the story of Laura Wingfield, her brother Tom Wingfield, and their mother Amanda Wingfield. What struck me as stunning about this movie was the fact that Laura limped and was also mentally fragile; and, the use of a glass menagerie to symbolize Laura’s refuge in her imaginary world as well as her sensitive memory. I remember feeling very moved after watching this picture; and, I promised myself to keep learning through such expressive broadcasts. As I grew older, I became more familiar with the world around me; and, finally found a festival that helped me fulfill the promise I had made many years ago.

One World Film Festival (OWFF) is Ottawa’s longest-running documentary film festival that seeks to use media and performing arts to educate people about several global issues including women empowerment, identity, migration, indigenous rights, social justice, human rights, and environmental issues—specifically, it connects marginalized communities and Third World population with Canadians. Its a very historic event! Its interesting to see how One World Film Festival’s poster has changed over time. See Past Festivals – 1989 to 2016.

Nowadays, people have access to many learning platforms including social media, open learning services, and free libraries. So why would someone want to spend their money to watch films? My experiences with the world of movies have taught me that motion pictures teach faster because they offer multi-sensory and collective experiences where one may feel one’s emotions as well as those of the audience and movie characters; learning can be completed in an incognito and relaxed environment; and, it becomes possible to focus on multiple issues and literary techniques and not just one or two. Now imagine going to the One World Film Festival (OWFF) and being bombarded by many educational pictures!

Come join this memorable adventure! One World Film Festival (OWFF) is coming to Ottawa again this year. Don’t forget to support their 30th Anniversary by donating to their crowdfunding campaign. Hurry Up! Campaign ends on June 2nd—they have only 7 days left to raise funds.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved. 

Why Abused Women Cannot Screen For Good Men Properly Without Aid

Victims of abuse cannot screen for suitable men properly unless they receive aid like articles, videos, or emotional support. This is because they have been conditioned to stay silent about bad behavior that is often mixed with body signals and comments that seem accepting and encouraging in nature. If you are growing this way, then obviously you are going to think about whether the signals you are receiving are genuine or not.

Here is a personal story that should remind you how exactly victims of abuse feel confused about what the other person really wants from them. Once, I was sitting in an office when my male boss leaned towards me and talked to me; he also fiddled a bit with his shirt. Both of these are signs that someone likes you. Read points 6 and 32 of article “46 Male Body Language Signs He Likes You“. At that time, I was unable to read into these cues but something else happened that triggered the rest of my reaction. When it was time for lunch to which he has invited me, he verbally pushed me to go in his car. I told him that I can drive over myself; but, he did not want to listen to this alternative. I hated this about him; and, I was uncomfortable during the entire ride. I held my cellphone in my hand; and, I even pretended to use it. I can’t believe I sat in his car! I was safe throughout all this though! I eventually left the job due to this particular incidence. This is how women who have been mistreated in the past cannot read the body language and behavior of men properly—I am glad that that day, I was more aware of my professional and personal boundaries.

I have learned that its easier to learn about appropriate male behavior and body language by using the Internet. Its tough to do this in real life because of confusing men. I strongly recommend that women should always educate themselves by reading helpful articles. For example, look for articles like “46 Male Body Language Signs He Likes You” and “10 Things A Guy Will Do If He Likes You“.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

ENFPs Are Designed To Create Clash Of Ideas

I am an ENFP; over time, I have only found out that it is tough to fit me into smaller compartments of opinion. Here is a very meagre example that shows a broader lens.

Yesterday, I was talking to a well-educated and privileged Pakistani friend of mine about how I intend to support a soon-to-be divorced woman. She minded that and said that you should prioritize your needs first. Her sweet comment was, “You are not even married. You need to start looking for a good guy for yourself. Don’t worry about others.” I did not mind what she said because I knew that she meant well. Later, when I got home, I realized that I will help that soon-to-be divorced woman. Reality is that my needs do not fully click in my head. Instead, the following thought strikes me more:

If I desert her, there is no example setting. People are already ignoring those who need help. And, if I desert her, then I have killed a portion of my network, which will collapse some portions of other women’s networks. I mean this chain reaction just starts on its own when a woman is neglected.

Did you see a severe clash of ideas here? Did you also see how real leaders think? Inside my mind, it feels like walking a fine line; a little mental push here and there easily collapses one concept and forms the other. This unsettling way of thinking is very natural for ENFPs like me. In the end, an ENFP can choose the right path based on the broader grid. For me, this grid is built by Prophet Mohammad’s actions where he never ignored the oppressed and needy.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

I Have Learned How To Make A Narcissist Feel Sorry

There are some pretty cruel narcissists in my family—you know the type that make you think only in the washroom. The challenge at my end was that I did not access to Internet when I was younger because I was living in Pakistan back then. The next complication was that I was too young to read into what was going on inside my family. So when I grew older and I learned how to use the internet, I ended up reading some articles about narcissism. This is when it occurred to me that I was dealing with some very experienced narcissists.

When a narcissist relative of mine moved out of dad’s place, he pointed to me and said that he is moving away due to me. I used to stand up for myself and for those whom he used to injure; obviously, he hated me a lot. I still laugh at this lie because I know that he left because he got a job somewhere. I realized that day that narcissists are very insensitive and they point fingers at the victims till the very end.

I am managing another narcissist relative by using some of these techniques. One thing I like doing is telling him that he is wrong in front of someone else who is more likely to take my side. For me, an Empath, some of these methods are actually too painful to utilize; but, I am very glad that I can use the rest of these. Read “How do you make a narcissist feel sorry?

Narcissism is actually on the rise in Pakistan and Canada; but, a lot of Pakistanis and Canadians are “unaware” of this due to the effects on the mind that are caused by “Gaslighting“. I slowly became aware of all this because I used to pray to God, which healed some of my trauma.

I like the fact that as an educated Empath, I am the worst weapon against Narcissists. I can clearly see how they go “flat out blank” after my ongoing efforts. Read “An Educated Empath Is A Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare: Why A Narcissist Can Never Get Away?” Narcissists attempt to subdue Empaths like me because an Empath’s superb character and personality are needed to make amazing Social heroes/heroines. Reading emotions and thoughts is one of the most basic things that an Empath can do, which is what’s missing in today’s environment. The best part of possessing this kind of mind is that I don’t fully realize my control over the minds of narcissists because control is not intended in any of my moves, which are somehow designed to add “some sort of control”. No wonder those who know me call me “grander than the rest” and even bullies revert to their normal self after my touch.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Rahim Pardesi’s “Nasreen” Comedy Show Is Misogynist In Nature

Some Pakistani shows even comedy shows are very misogynist in nature. I was raised on some of these shows; but, I learned how to walk away on my own. While living in Canada, I learned about Rahim Pardesi’s YouTube videos. I watched some of them and found some of them interesting. However, the rest of these videos were very frustrating in nature. It is easy for me to notice that he displays main character “Nasreen” as a very odd woman who is a total misfit and an outcast. I find it very cruel to see that he expects people to laugh at this. I have laughed on some of these depictions as well because he is actually very funny—there are times he jokes about the male characters instead. Here are some videos that strike me as very very odd! What’s even more peculiar is that the young woman “Nasreen” is actually Rahim Pardesi himself.

The Gym Class: Nasreen goes to the gym and does absolutely nothing except to flirt with a well-built guy.

Iftar Time: Nasreen’s husband tells her that she should wait a bit more and she is not going to die doing so. This is how he is talking to her during the sacred month of Ramadan.

Natural Beauty: Nasreen’s husband complains that she has wasted her money on getting her eyebrows shaped because she got this done last week. So apparently, he is not reading into the fact that she is bored or that her eyebrows grew out of shape because hair grows faster for some brown women.

Shop Snatch: Nasreen is busy running in slow motion or playing video games while her husband’s shop is being looted. This shows how well they connect with each other and read each other’s needs. This also shows that Nasreen is just responding to ongoing neglect.

Desi Hunger Games: Nasreen eventually yells at her husband after he misses her anniversary. He then throws chocolates at her like he is feeding an animal. Then, he starts daydreaming about a pretty Indian actress, Katrina Kaif.

Desi Holiday: This video clips starts when Nasreen’s best friend calls her and tells her that she is going to “Barcelona”. Nasreen learns that she is going to Dubai and gets all excited. Her husband says, “Shut up! You are barking”. Then, he tells her that he is going to take her to Pakistan instead; she gets very unhappy when she hears this.

Nasreen Kidnap: This clip shows how Nasreen is kidnapped and how her husband does not help her at all when the kidnappers call for ransom. She runs away on her own; and, when she gets home, she finds out that her husband is busy playing cards with his friends.

Nasreen After 40 Years: In this video, Nasreen ends up befriending a psycho killer due to fear. She feeds him and dances with him—they don’t tell viewers that she has “Stockholm Syndrome”. The psycho finally kills her because she runs out of the food that she was using to stop him from harming her. Her husband comes home; sees the dead body; and, thinks that she is pranking him. He checks out the dead body for 40 years; and, keeps thinking that she is pranking him. He says something along these lines, “Wake up! I am going to work. Stop overacting”. This shows you that for many days, he has not bothered to look for her outside of this kitchen and that her life does not exist outside of the kitchen.

“Nasreen” is clearly misogynist in nature because it depicts hatred towards women and shows this in various ways including neglect and verbally aggressive language. Obviously! the influence of such shows does not end at the screen.

My personal experiences have taught me that some Pakistani households are very toxic for women and children. In such abusive and dysfunctional households, Pakistanis are learning things mostly from TV; thus, they talk and behave a little bit or very much like Nasreen’s husband. This kind of mistreatment is designed to break women’s and children’s confidence and ruin their future. Some of my close male relatives used to sometimes talk like this. Three of them have changed a lot over years, which is a good indication. But, two of the guys who have reformed still tend to get very grumpy sometimes and then verbally assault me; then they apologize sooner or later. It’s scary because of the nature of comments. It used to be worse when they were younger; but, they have somehow changed into better people. They had some trauma in their lives so it was easier to change when stimuli was removed. We are learning how to move forward by talking to each other. I have noticed that we still work pretty well together, which is probably because our bond formation is still very strong.

Overall, it is very crippling living with them or being close to them, which is why our family members have grown apart. Domestic abuse is just one reason why I am not planning to marry within my culture. There is always this fear that something torturous is going to happen to me. I engage in Lucid Dreaming; and, even then I cannot remove this fear from my mind. Another reason is that I know things are like this for some other Pakistani-Canadian women as well; and, I know that some of  them are bent on identifying themselves as non-Pakistanis so that they may not get shot by their family members.

Saying all this, I must comment that all this is true for some Pakistani households only. And, the only way out of this is by using mainstream media to engage, which is obviously not going to be done for quite some while. Pakistani mainstream media is usually filled with dramas, comedy shows, music shows, and reality shows. There is really less footage on how to overcome domestic abuse; how to have a stable married life; or how to be good parents. You can tell which household is abusive if you are a keen observer or if you are sticking around for longer. In a typical abusive Pakistani household, children are usually very well-behaved in front of strangers; but, at the back they are very mean towards each other, parents, or employees. If you are a keen observer, you might end up noticing a bad joke such as, “Why won’t you try to sleep outside today?” This will very likely get camouflaged as the rest of the family members would attempt to shrug it off as something funny or childish someone is saying to distract the guests. If you live with them for a bit, you will definitely hear the children scream and also see them fighting a lot. And, if you are close to the abusive parents somehow, you will see that you cannot mention Psychologists or Family Councillors to them. They simply won’t listen because they have played a role in creating this dysfunction.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

 

Contact Me If You Need A Psychic Detective

I have been thinking about this a lot. In some instances, I have been able to conduct telepathy successfully while awake or asleep.  Let me tell you a story that I have hidden for a while because this took place when I was not ready for all of this.

When I was younger, I came across the case of Rehtaeh Parsons. First, I saw a picture of Rehtaeh Parsons on the webit was the one in which she was shows sleeping next to two boys. I somehow managed to tap into her picture really quickly. I saw a couple of things very clearly:

  • She was a victim.
  • I felt defeated.
  • I felt scared.
  • I heard voice of a kid, but it seemed too hushed.

I got scared of this reading; and, I ran away from my room. At that time, I failed to contact Ms. Parsons parents because I had no website and no proof at all to back up my claim. I slowly learned about her case by following the news. When I created this website, I even tweeted to her father Glen Canning.

If you are really trapped figuring things about someone gone missing or dead all of a sudden, feel free to reach out to me. I can attempt to enter the picture for you; but, know that I cannot guarantee that I will be able to connect you all the time. This telepathic ability shuts off on its own; and, I do perceive some difficulty reading certain brainwaves or timelines for some reason. I can attempt to give you some answers this way. I have not decided on my rate yet; but, this service will be inexpensive. I can be reached at dotswritingdojo@gmail.com.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Should Women Be Teaching The Bad Guys In The Light of #MeToo Campaign?

Note: Before you read this post, please note these thoughts do not apply to the good men who don’t like abusing and using women.

The correct answer to this question is NO. I say this because women have been harassed and abused for a very long while; and, most countries are so hyper-responsible that they are forcing women to create and lead the #MeToo campaign. I can see efforts like #MeToo campaigns as example of hyper-responsibility where women are expected to do more—I fail to see if they have failed at something already.

Before I tell you what men are learning from the women, I must share something that I have learned from experience and by having conversations with other women.

In Canada, some educated professional men are misusing women: they abuse them during interviews and at work; they spy on their campaigns by asking too many questions; they gang  up on them in an unfair and unprofessional manner; and, they do not answer their questions and keep secrets. By destabilizing the network and learning of the women, these men are creating gaps in their resumes and skills while increasing the wage gap.

According to What Men Can Learn From Women“, women teach men how to listen better; how to share empathy; how to communicate and collaborate effectively; how to think in a holistic manner; and, how to trust one’s guts. According to Gene Hammett’s article, “What Men Can Learn From Women Leaders“, men learn how to engage in new initiatives and how to multitask by using assistance and teaching offered by women.

If you have taught some men some stuff but they have not returned the favor, then please slowly demote them. Put a tag on them and remove them from all your personal activities like events, gatherings, or parties. I am also using this strategy to get rid of leeches!

I wonder if women need to demonstrate some tougher ways of disciplining men like a real or authentic slap on the face. I mean are you sure that the men (referring only to those who actually did something mean) who are now targets of the #MeToo campaigns had ZERO access to the women who could teach them something valuable? Truth is that a lot of women just like me don’t want to hit or even say something rude even to their aggressors. Therefore, their offenders must understand that campaigns like #MeToo and clever tactics like “slow demotion” are still considered a slap on the face or strict discipline.

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Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Why I Love Singing

I started singing at an early age; but, I received my only formal training when I was in a Pakistani high school. We had a small girls-only choir; and, we were required to sing for all the morning assemblies and school parties—I was also heavily involved in the school’s official girls-only dance team.

I have not been to Pakistan in 20 years now. Whenever I feel down, I sing along by using some of my favourite songs—I have lots and lots of lovely ones. Singing activates some sort of odd effect inside my brain. I stay focused on my singing like a drug addict; then I dance like a hasheesh infested woman—so you must have realized that poetry is doing something even stronger than that. After a day or two have passed, my mood stays very optimistic, hot, sexy, and sensational.

Listen to some of the songs that I have sung under the title “Songs Sung & Written By Someone Else“. I will slowly add more clippers of songs here.

Here are some benefits of singing.

  1. According to Kay Norton’s “Singing and Wellbeing: ancient Wisdom and Modern Proof“, Singing brings groups together by breaking down barriers. Even very religious people who are traditionally labelled as dull sing eloquently and just like macho drug addicts.
  2. According to the article, “Music and Drugs are the Same to your Brain’s Reward Centre“, Music is like drug to the brain, which is another way singers feel high enough to sing for their audience. 
  3. According to article, “11 Surprising Health Benefits of Singing“, singing improves the posture. I have to sit or stand a specific way in order to sing. Then I have to move my hands and arms in order to guide my singing. 
  4. According to the aforementioned article, singing also strengthen confidence and communication skills.
  5. The last article also indicate that singing lower stress levels, improve alertness, and create better sleep. My brain adapts so quickly to singing that nobody ever notices that I was down just a couple of moments ago. Singing and music is how I survived teenager trauma.

When I get a crush on some guy, I experience the most stunning effects inside my mind. One such really intoxicating feeling is the need to sing and dance—it pays to be aware of the 14 phases of love. 

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.