How ENFPs Brainstorm and Think Ahead to Organize Things For Their Future

ENFPs like me can become “idea bombs” when they are trained properly. They are the core pillar of every institution and society that require thoughtful and caring leaders who firmly believe in team play—ENFPs interact only with genuine folks because they love discarding the bad apples.

I will now show you how I think and organize things when I am writing—I think several years ahead every time I plan. I have been slowly writing a novel “She: The Mirror“. At some point, I started thinking of adding it in my first book, “Intertwined“; today, after reviewing some of my original thoughts, I realized that I can’t squish this all into my first book. Did you see how scattered my thoughts can become?

The following are some books that I plan to review; these are part of the second layer of writing, “Integrating research”.

  • 8 books on child and women abuse
  • 1 book on women psychology
  • 1 book on femininity
  • 1 book on psychology of male abusers
  • 4 books on criminology, police, and gangs
  • 6 books about how to write creatively
  • 1 political book
  • Several online blogs and articles
  • 1 Australian course on writing mystery thrillers
  • Online articles about certain narcissistic political leaders
  • Websites that discuss personalities
  • My blog category “Women Abuse”
  • 8 movies
  • 1 book on Holocaust (Nazi era)
  • 10 poetry books
  • 4 Miscellaneous selections

Overall page count of all the above-mentioned books is 7975; and, if you were to exclude 1000 pages or so given that I might be using as reference material, the page count is around 6900 pages. In this page count, I have not included the blogs, websites, and online Australian writing course. On top of all this, I have audio recordings of my life experiences; there are around 400 recordings to review. Did you see again how scattered this list really is? “Being scattered” is a creative super-power ENFPs possess—this is why ENFPs don’t hang out with the wrong kind of people because these bastards can manipulate this super-power into something “insane”.

As an ENFP, I have a layered personality; this shows very clearly during my lucid dreams. In addition, I am using a layered approach while I write “She: The Mirror”. This writing adventure started with my personal experiences, which are based on a very cruel and unrealistic things—some trauma is also offered by the Canadian companies and academic organizations. More I read my story, more I realized that I can fit almost anything else in this story to dramatically alter the reality. Impeccable! This is what I find stunning about ENFPs—their minds and life experiences are so creative owing to their genius nature.

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Books I am planning to read as I research further for my upcoming novel, “She The Mirror”.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

How Victims of Abuse Can Move Forward Safely

These are tips that I have learned while learning how to move forward from abusive workplaces or relationships.

  1. Give yourself time. Go slow. Do not rush or do something rash.
  2. Listen to your close friends or those who are going through similar hardships.
  3. Express yourself genuinely by sharing with trustworthy folks or writing about it.
  4. Take prescription medication if necessary. In my case, I was able to move forward without medication because I know how to use lucid dreams and because I chose to drink recommended does of Aloe Vera Whole Leaf juice instead.
  5. Make genuine friends, both males and females. Don’t cut someone from your friendship circle due to gender because opposite gender knows a lot of helpful things that your gender don’t know. Connecting with members of the opposite gender should help you relate well to your needs as well, which can help you realize your weaknesses and strengths in a safe manner.
  6. Sleep for at least 8 hours routinely.
  7. Exercise regularly.
  8. Distract yourself by enrolling in a program or a course.
  9. Find a hobby.
  10. Help someone else out through social media or by meeting in real life. This should help you take mind off your worries.
  11. Use lucid dreaming techniques to sleep better. You can visit a whole lot of places by using dreams. I love it when my dreams let me ride in aeroplanes or helicopters. I can do this all for free. Do you have any idea how that feels!
  12. If you are not married or not in a relationship, then try lucid dream sex. It improves mood and helps you become more focused. I am Muslim; and, I definitely engage in Lucid Dream sex. Do not feel that doing so will somehow break your personal boundaries because it can’t do that. Dream characters are very smart and sensitive entities. If your mind wanders in doubt about this, the dreams will disappear on their own.  This is why in Islam we are told that “the pen is lifted while one is asleep“.
  13. Block negative thoughts by distracting yourself.
  14. Learn abusers’ mentality and don’t add anyone of that sort in your close circle of friends. Read “Regeneration“.
  15. Meditate in a safe place. Close your eyes. Breath in and out until you are relaxed. Now think of your favourite person or best memory. Imagine you are rowing towards that person or memory.
  16. Forgive and forget. If you are having trouble forgiving, then do something constructive such as build a support group or write a book about your experience. Forgetting is easy!
  17. Enjoy your favourite activity. For me, playing with nature is very important. I spend a lot of time in the Water Park during summer. Martial Arts is also very important for me because I can think more clearly this way. So, no matter how hard or different this activity seems to you after the abuse, still do it.
  18. Listen to music but don’t overdo this. Manage your urge to listen to too much music.
  19. Don’t watch too much TV. Do exercise or dancing instead to feel good.
  20. You will become hazy if your trauma hits you back. Manage your time well. I use alarms to wake up; I have an agenda book at home and a smaller one in my purse; and, I use the Eisenhower Matrix to prioritize my tasks.

All these activities should help you manage your self-esteem, confidence, mood, and morale. If you did all of these, then moving forward should be easy. Trust me! this gets easier over time.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Contorting Information Inside Canadian Workplaces

There is something very poisonous about the atmosphere that is present inside some Canadian academic organizations and workplaces. I feel that some Canadians and even International students are very much used to picking on colored women. I have come across some mature students who intentionally attempt to degrade others over really little thing. They triangulate in such an insensitive manner that one feels at loss and is unable to complain properly. For instance, I was harassed in a group setting by a couple of professionals just a while ago. As usual, they are triangulating me over very minor things. This occurred among 2018 Event Management class fellows and at Algonquin College. Some of these people have been blocked; and, I don’t intend to keep in touch with them.

When these people do these things, they do not realize that 1) they are dealing with mature students who are handling a very heavy workload; and, 2) triangulating or gaslighting someone is unhealthy because it removes victim’s psychological safety. We actually studied importance of psychological safety in this program; but, I have noticed that some students are using extreme force to remove this notion from my mind. Before I proceed, I must comment that Canada’s current environment offers tremendous insecurity to colored female professionals.

This entire argument revolves around something seemingly insignificant: left alignment or justification. I was asked to shed a light on this concept several times by the same group members; and, I always told them that my teachers who have more than 20 years of industry experience have taught me to always align paragraphs to the left. I explained this to them once; and, then after some months later, I was locked in another confrontation about this. I felt very violated due to all of this. Apparently, one of the group members was somehow still uncomfortable about aligning text to the left; as soon as the other team members heard this comment, they started asking for a veto on this. I just stared at their faces in disbelief! Obviously, I took a stand against this all but the colored woman—some colored Canadians and International students also fully participate in the abuse of well meaning colored professionals because doing so helps them fit in—who started this unnecessary conversation later called me “Professor”. Mind you! She said this to me this after I was requested to share my ideas/thoughts with the group and during situations that require deeper analysis. For instance, look at the nature of this situation. I had to email this group four different links where it was stated that left alignment is preferred because it is easier to read this way. It is easier to notice now that the word “Professor” was only used to shame and humiliate me further.

There are more and more such incidences that are taking place in Canada. Most of the time, victims are choosing not to take any measure against this. Other times, the abusers and those who are watching try to minimize the entire reality; for example, nobody addressed the negative effects of such tactics after this incidence. If you are feeling confused about what actually happened, then know that the request to veto on an issue that was previously discussed and agreed upon is an example of triangulation and gaslighting.

These confusing methods of communication finally created an argument by pushing me to state the same fact over and over again. But, the lady who caused all this never stepped up and apologized. I even tried to become her friend at our graduation. Soon after graduation, I remembered a comment that was issued by a friend of mine—I forgot this due to the narcissistic abuse I was facing. You see! a friend of mine once told me that narcissistic moves can cause victims to apologize for things they should not feel sorry about. I also read into another speaker’s life story and found out that he has learned from experience that if one is not taking a good stance to protect oneself, then the rest are just going to keep crushing that person. This is when I decided to block this woman and some other students who I felt were causing some issues. I am still in touch with group members who were considerate and wise enough to read into the real situation and react properly.

I don’t feel sad disclosing this here although I feel very forced to do this. And, I feel forced to take the name and year of this particular class. I am doing this because I have heard some other very severe complaints of abuse that colored professionals and students are facing inside some Canadian Event Management industry.

One such Ottawa-based company whose employees participated in harassing me is “Collab Space”. I was working in volunteer capacity; a new hire (S) mistreated me and then contorted the entire situation to ignore the fact that my other trainer L gave me a different set of instructions; this incidence was formally reported to Algonquin College and Collab Space; and, a detailed email was sent to the Collab Space’s CEO who failed to take measures to effectively review this situation. I have copies of all the emails; but, because I do not have sufficient time on my hands, I do not wish to carry out the next steps of the formal complaint process. Thus, I feel very compelled  to point the rest in the right direction. Below are screenshots of the email that was sent to Collab Space.

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Fig 1: This email was sent to Collab Space to request an action about my mistreatment. I was going there to receive training and mentorship about events. They made me help them out at a fast-paced event without formally training me. For example, I was just told on spot that this is “Crisis Mode” and that I am supposed to stay next to new Hire, S. But, I was not told what these words actually mean. Only later, I found out that “staying next” meant “following everything suggested by S and ignoring L’s instructions given that they conflicted with S’s instructions.” So when a situation really occurred where I was not clear about what should be done, I made a very minute error. Then, after this first mistake, I was harassed further and finally removed from this training position. Overall, they contorted their “lack of planning and inability to offer proper training at the right time” into “an altercation”.
image-2-zoomed
Fig 2: This email was sent to Collab Space to request an action about my mistreatment. I was going there to receive training and mentorship about events. They made me help them out at a fast-paced event without formally training me. For example, I was just told on spot that this is “Crisis Mode” and that I am supposed to stay next to new Hire, S. But, I was not told what these words actually mean. Only later, I found out that “staying next” meant “following everything suggested by S and ignoring L’s instructions given that they conflicted with S’s instructions.” So when a situation really occurred where I was not clear about what should be done, I made a very minute error. Then, after this first mistake, I was harassed further and finally removed from this training position. Overall, they contorted their “lack of planning and inability to offer proper training at the right time” into “an altercation”.
image-3-zoomed
Fig 3: This email was sent to Collab Space to request an action about my mistreatment. I was going there to receive training and mentorship about events. They made me help them out at a fast-paced event without formally training me. For example, I was just told on spot that this is “Crisis Mode” and that I am supposed to stay next to new Hire, S. But, I was not told what these words actually mean. Only later, I found out that “staying next” meant “following everything suggested by S and ignoring L’s instructions given that they conflicted with S’s instructions.” So when a situation really occurred where I was not clear about what should be done, I made a very minute error. Then, after this first mistake, I was harassed further and finally removed from this training position. Overall, they contorted their “lack of planning and inability to offer proper training at the right time” into “an altercation”.

If you cannot read the text in the images properly, zoom in. I am also copy pasting it here. Forgive any errors because I typed this email really fast! I never received a reply on this; and, I was never offered a reference letter. This is very unfair towards me!

From: Arzoo <                              @outlook.com >
Sent: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 9:54:59 PM
To: e         @collabspace.ca
Subject: Kindly Read: Something Odd Happened Today

Hello E     ,

I hope you are doing well. I have to let you know that something odd has happened today that I did not predict at all. L       is my Co-Op Supervisor and just some days ago she commented that she has been speculating  if she can keep me for longer and keep training me. She said this because I am there only on Wednesdays and Fridays and there was less work for me until late-May. We were thinking whether the deadline should be mid-July or August.

Today, I tried to discuss this with L       but I was surprised to see that she wanted S       to look into this. I am comfortable about this but obviously this change was too sudden for me. S       started out by requesting that the deadline should be mid-June (next week). I did not say anything and started reviewing my portfolio pieces and work completed. I was unsatisfied with what was on my plate so far so I had another conversation with S      . S       pointed out that she wanted the deadline to be mid-June (this month) because I seemed to have an “altercation” with her during the Small Business Expo (I am describing the whole situation in the paragraph below). What seems like an “altercation” is actually an indication of confusion that was caused by two supervisors. It was a work-related issue and because it is my first event working on a fast event like a Trade Show, I ended up making a mistake. For example, I did not knew what is expected in “Crisis Mode”; i.e. whom should I listen to first and whose comments I should ignore. S       clarified this today. Today, I had to clarify with S       and L       in terms of why I made an error in judgement. They resolved this situation and S       wants me to come to two other events so that I may learn how to manage fast events like Trade Shows. I believe that she did not knew that this was my first Trade Show.

Despite all this, I see many errors in judgement and communication here. First of all, L       was responsible for getting me training for events. She was clear from the beginning that the Small Business Expo will run in late May and June and that there will be another event, the anniversary dinner, after this. I helped her out with the Small Business Expo a little bit and then I started working on the Anniversary. While I worked with L      , I realized that lots of tasks were being given on the spot and there was less planning involved in terms of how to mentor me. I was okay with this because I know that I am dealing with a small company. However, I am surprised about S      . When I got confused about a task at the Small Business Expo, I briefly told (because event was rushed and we had no time to talk) her that this has been a misunderstanding because I did not understood what was needed from me. The thing is that I had received two sets of instructions: one from L       and one from S      . S       wanted me to give the program booklet and the schedule to the pitch contestants who had already entered the event space. I did not knew their names and faces so I went to the front desk to get help. I was putting the event schedules inside the Judges’ folders just some minutes ago but I did not had time to memorize all their faces and names. I knew that there was another file that had the names and faces of the Pitch Contestants so I went to the front desk to find out if I could print this out. This file should have been printed by S       or L       if they needed me to work on this task. But, the reality is that they did not include this in the “Risk Management” because they wanted to assign things at the spot. While I was sorting through some of the files inside my Outlook email account, L       came and tried to help me. She left some names on a piece of paper and said that she does not knew which company they belong to and that I have to match the names and faces on my own. So I sat at the front desk for like 3 minutes and tried to find the file (inside my Outlook email account) that will let me do this. My idea was to print this file out and  keep it handy while I tried to distribute the program booklet and the event schedule to the Pitch Contestants. But, S       saw me working at the front desk and thought that I was ignoring her instructions. I felt very confused about all this and I briefly tried to explain that I am feeling hassled because I have been given two sets of instructions.

Today we discussed this in detail and I was surprised to find out that she never talked to me about this before she decided to change my co-op deadline to June 15 (mid-June). Only when I reviewed my portfolio material and the work I have completed at Collab Space, I ended up initiating the conversation about need for more work. I feel that it was S      ‘s duty to have a calm and organized conversation with me before she commented about the co-op deadline. I ended up blurting a lot during my conversation with S       because I felt framed and was unable to properly defend myself given my sensitive emotions. I also feel that it was L      ‘s duty to have a private conversation with S       so that she may know that this is a mentoring opportunity for me; Small Business Expo was my first event; and that she was thinking of extending my deadline because she did not had any tasks to assign that would relate more directly to Event Management until May.

I know that Canada needs to turn things around before its too late. Workplace harassment is on rise; and, I know that many are deserting workplaces due to this. Read “Violence and Harrassment in the Workplaces on the Rise“.

I do not feel sad walking away even though I did make friends with these people; but, I am willing to give myself time to recover from this shock. It is true that in Canada, colored female professionals are mistreated at every level; and, they are at strong risk of having their character, memory, performance, and future jeopardized. I keep saying that Canada has something to do with this because those who are supposed to take action against such oppression are not doing anything. For example, it has come to my attention that even Humber College (Nursing program) is participating in torturing talented students by closing their complaints without a fair trial/investigation. If you do not believe me, read Chiose’s article, “Justice on Campus“.

I must comment that gaslighting was done in such a manner that I still feel a little confused. As a result, I am putting a reminder here for myself and everyone else. Read  Detective James L. Trainum’s book “How the Police Generate False Confessions: An Inside Look at the Interrogation Room”; and, you will see how the police creates informants and criminals by lying to them in a group setting. I think what is happening inside some Canadian workplaces including the academic ones is nothing different than what is noted in this book.

Before I leave you with your thoughts, I must make you note that I am not doing anything of this for publicity or money. Know that I am a Lucid Dreamer; I can move forward in time by a year; and, I have successfully documented all of this here on my blog. I know that I can get very famous just by discussing my creative dreams. Think about it! I don’t have any motive for lying about this abuse. Why do I need to type all this other stuff about being abused? I mean it takes time to write these posts; research and add relevant articles; and, then it takes some more time to reach out to influential speakers/figures who might be able to take some action. Please! Think about how they are trying to destroy me and the rest!

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

At What Age Did I Start Writing?

I wrote my first article when I was around 15 years old. It was an opinion article and a much needed entry for my personal journal. I wrote this while I was studying in Pakistan. Mind you, this is around 20 years old news! I was upset about a news story about abuse of a local woman; so I got heated enough to let all my thoughts out.  Some friends of mine read the article as well. Soon—and I do not know how—the word got to my English teacher, Rukhshanda. She found me; took my journal from my hand by force; and, locked it in the Principal’s office. I was pretty young back then so I just became very scared and sullen. I did not protest about what was going on; but, I promised myself that I will get away from such situations in the future so that I may write again. I still think that my teacher did a very filthy thing. The only queer thing about that article was that it was filled with my thoughts about an atrocity that my mind could not fathom. And, my English teacher could not handle the fact that one of her top students had decided to find her voice—I feel like vomiting. Rukhshanda was not a bad woman though—I mean when my periods started while I was at a field trip, she immedialty took care of me

Anyways, I grew up watching how some Pakistani people push their children and even their friends’ children to achieve perfection. But, when someone is special enough to deliver exceptional results, they make that person sound odd and dumb. Even some of my relatives point out to me that I should not be writing or reading poetry. One of my male relatives said to me, “If you need to do all this, then do it at home”. I decided to pay no attention to all of this; however, I feel that it is still having some impact on my activities. This is why I am noting this here on the web so that I may have a more real reminder in front of me.

To summarize all this, I learned how to write creatively at an early age. Furthermore, I even learned how to read at an early age. My mom has told me that when I was a toddler, I could read some words from the TV screen. She used to get so surprised when she would hear me speak these words—no wonder, I even poty trained my older sibling. I have been fighting all my life to make room for my writing. And, I intend to do this in the future as well. All this is beyond incredible, don’t you think so.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

How To Deal With A Narcissist?

Is it okay to open your doors to an entire community because some members of that community have treated you properly?

Well! I learn from my example. True! I am Muslim; and, I know many Muslims. It’s true that Islam requires giving charity and praying, which should heal narcissism to some extent. Even then, I have come across some very manipulative Muslims who I believe are narcissists because their intentions aren’t correct even when they are giving charity or saying their prayers. Such narcissists toy with vulnerable folks like their own children while appearing trustworthy and religious—they are usually surrounded by other people who fully believe in them because they don’t know that they are dealing with covert narcissists or because they are afraid of them. I feel that we no longer live in an open and welcoming world anymore.

Here are some helpful videos about how to handle Narcissists.

“Narcissist, Sociopath, or Psychopath?: How To Recognize The Distinction”

“What A Narcissist Thinks When You Go Grey Rock”

“Gaslighting Narcissist Worst Form of Abuse”

“What a Narcissist Goes Through When They Love Bomb”

“20 Signs That You Are With A ‘Covert’ Narcissist”

“When You Unmask A Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Relationship. Narcissism Expert”

“How Covert Narcissists Lure Empaths As Their Victims”

“The Narcissitic Games You Should Know About | The Red Files | Balance Psychologies”

“Fun With Your Narcissist! How To Beat Them At Their Own Game And Enjoy It”

“Outsmart The Narcissist Forever! How To Beat The Narcissist & Take Away Their Game”

“When A Narcissist Say These 9 Phrases, This Is What They REALLY MEAN”

“Narcissistic Abuse Causes Brain Trauma”

“Long-term narcissistic abuse can cause brain damage”

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved except for the videos.

Islam Gave Women Their Rights Before the West Did

Islam as it was practised in old times is ahead of the modern western countries. For example, American women could not have a legal will before 1809. Read  “Social Stratification and Inequality“. But, several rights including the right to have property, will, jobs, and a free life were given to the Muslim women around 1400 years ago. Read article “This is how Islam led the world with women’s rights“.

This knowledge is the reason why I am still a Muslim although I have been abused in the past by Muslims and non-Muslims. Being a Muslim is a much bigger deal than just trying to fit in. I think the Muslim world stopped protecting the women because it’s people were distracted by things like TV, money, power, and status. Seeking power is known to destroy the brain, which is how some men have a strong need to continuously raid women with their words and bodies. Survivors of any sort of abuse are braver in nature because they have realized that declaring their independence and freedom cripples the abusers. I think that the truly free people of this modern world will be lead by such survivors.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Surviving Teenager Abuse Trauma

I was raised in a large Pakistani family. We lived in a mixed setting where people from different families used to live together. As a teenager, I faced trauma when a close relative of mine started hitting my two brothers. He wrecked their brains slowly until they started hitting and verbally attacking the girls whenever they felt like it─one of my brothers who was harassed did this rarely though. There were times when one brother of mine would lock us in a room so that we may not be able to watch TV together. He was very young when he did this so I do not blame him.

True! There were many moments of peace and love among the family members. But, the reality is that all the victims grew up in a shunned and broken manner. I was called many names like “lazy”, “one who does not listen”, “procrastinator”, and “ugly”. All this was very destructive towards me because I started paying less attention to my school. I failed some classes; and, I had to take extra tuition lessons to get through. I also went through a major depression as a teenager, which was not treated fully because I never bothered to discuss it with those who would have heard me out. I sometimes used only my close friends to validate my needs. For instance, they used to get very surprised when I would ask them if I looked pretty or not? They would answer that, “Yes! you look really beautiful”; sometimes, I used to get scared after hearing this so I never told them that someone was always calling me “ugly” at home. Most of the times, I went through psychological abuse because someone else was being abused in front of me. I also went through mild sexual abuse as a teenager; and, I couldn’t discuss it with anyone because everyone else was busy handling other unresolved issues.

When I grew older and we moved to Canada, I got access to the Internet. I started learning things that I did not knew. For instance, I learned the words “sibling abuse”. It feels like torture reading all of this now when all this abuse is over.

In fact, research is showing sibling bullying is one of the most damaging types of bullying. By definition, it is an intentional act to hurt the other child. Sibling bullying can occur through name-calling, making negative remarks,and repeatedly putting-down the other sibling.  The bombardment of negativity can be psychologically damaging and its effects can last well into adulthood. Source: Sibling Bullying.

All these memories still show in the victims in traumatic ways. For example, sometimes, we argue a lot, which is very depressing. There are only some meetings where we meet in a happy manner and leave feeling satisfied. There are some meetings where psychological abuse takes place in an isolated manner or in a gang setting. We are trying to work together and help each other heal. We are still healing slowly on our own and in our own way. Even then, our bonds are strong; and, we know how to give each other personal space. This is why we are learning to grow while being away from each other. And, it is working out this way. I am sure this reconciliation would lead to healing and a stable future as a family. But, for now, I am still insecure about certain moments where a family member just gets angry at me for no reason at all─I can’t believe that I have been handling all this since I became mature enough to understand things around me.

I heal quickly because I am a lucid dreamer. Lucid dreams heal PTSD, which is caused by abuse of any sort. I had a super-brain so I still managed to heal over time. But, then the worst happened. A Buddhist Canadian male raped me; he was an Islamophobe and a woman-hater. Forcing me to do certain things was easy for him because I had some trauma hidden deep inside my mind─all this still falls under moderate (scale: mild, moderate, severe) sexual abuse because he is a gentleman rapist. Domestic abuse, systemic oppression offered by Canada, and previous sexual assault trauma played a vital role in allowing my past wounds to resurface. This happened while I was still a virgin so obviously I could not figure things out quickly. As soon as I figured out what he was going on, I escaped this devil’s clutches. I had zero emotional support from my family on this; I only had support in receiving medical treatment. One relative requested me not to discuss this with anyone. Because of this, I am trying to get away from them permanently. This time, I healed myself again by using Lucid Dreams and by educating myself about rape and sexual assault trauma─according to AJ+ video “Spitting the Truth About Sexual Assault”, rape is a crime that is 100% related only to the offender. The rapist had offered me a confession, which I accepted; he was already in big trouble because someone from his household was harassing him. Even then, I have not forgiven him simply because he told me that he is like a Devil and that he must not be forgiven. Nevertheless, I have successfully moved on with my life. He was really a very troubled person; I mean he used to call himself “The Devil”!  Then again, he would never share too much about private life. According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, 2 out of 3 Canadians don’t know what sexual consent means.

Fact 1: According to Globe and Mail, rape is a hidden crime in Canada. 

Fact 2: According to The Mantle, Sex Trafficking is a hidden crime in Canada.

I feel scared while living in Canada. I feel that Canada played a very big role in causing a new sexual assault. I am revealing some of the details although I understand the importance of privacy in such matters. I have to do this because that’s how life is. There is always a strong chance that the rapist will attempt to nullify my story and the officials will side with him because Canada is a very misogynist country. There is also the chance that someone innocent will be injured even if that person has apologized and changed substantially. This is why I have decided not to give the Canadian justice system a go on this. I still need to feel secure about who I am and what all this actually means. So I am choosing to disclose some of the details. And, I am still in love with my family. Over years, I have reviewed many things including how to identify a narcissist or how to identify a rapist. I have provided helpful links in blog post “Regeneration“; I have written blog post “Safety Tips for Women“. I am glad that I can take care of myself without asking for help from anyone including the police or the rest of the Canadian Justice system. I feel more rested now!

Last Words: Don’t think that at the end of the day, I won’t leak something out. I am an ENFP, just like Anne Frank. Anne Frank was designed with the help of the Nazis of Germany. Some weird things like bullying and exclusion happened to me after 9/11; and, I did go through workplace abuse during the times when Prime Minister Justin Trudeau felt pressured enough to leave some comments about this issue. The ENFP personality is supposed to create lessons that will last for longer than expected. This is why, just like Anne Frank, I am documenting things in my book, “Intertwined“.

Further Readings

Trauma and Teenagers – Common Reactions

Treating Adult Survivors of Childhood Emotional Abuse and Neglect: A New Framework

Abuse Trauma: Resources for Therapists & Adult Survivors

A Helpful Way to Conceptualize and Understand Reenactments

Trauma – Reaction and Recovery

Introduction to Domestic Voilence and Rape

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Be Aware of Some Imams or Muslim Men Who Are Trying to Handle #MeToo Discussions

The Reviving the Islamic Spirit (RIS) conference that took place in 2018 actually had a speech on #MeToo movement. I heard from some friends that this speech was lead by a male Imam; and, I also saw a Facebook post about why women should be leading this discourse instead.

Although I was not present there, I still thought to cover this topic. I firmly believe that it would have helped a lot if women lead this particular discussion. You see, I hang around with Muslims a lot because I am a Muslim. There are times when some of the Imams and Muslim men say random and lame things that are extremely painful for sexual assault victims to hear. For instance, reminding someone to do a good deed is a common Islamic practise so an Imam may say, “Women should not point out a rapist unless it is true and even then this needs to be investigated”. I heard from my friends that something like this was actually mentioned during the RIS conference as well. Correct! Although there is no wrong is stating this but there is always a danger of overdoing this. For example, when most of the lectures start revolving around admonishing and preaching. Utterly boring and waste of time and money!

I did some research and found out some things that some male imams and well-educated Muslim men won’t be able to tell you.

1) Imams and religious figures are incorrect when they admonish women to be truthful about revealing that someone has raped them. This is because by doing so they are unconsciously adding the “victim blaming” mentality into the masses. I have some material about how rapists think; and, I have learned that rapists easily say, “Don’t blame me” or “You wanted all of this”. What is the difference here when an imam continuously tells the masses, “women should not be pointing out any rapist unless it is true”. A friend of mine told me that some male Imam said this at the 2018 RIS conference. Apparently, he is approaching a very sensitive topic in a very insensitive manner. I know a raped woman who went through 2 years of depression and could not get out of her bed simply because her brother said one or two mean things to her after she was raped by a stranger. Even when I started discussing the situation behind my rape with a politically connected Canadian-Muslim man who was supposedly very religious, he gradually became awkward in his communication. I only had a brief cellphone conversation with him and one face-to-face meeting. I started talking to him because I was in a new city and needed a job fast; and, because he told me that he has helped abused women in the past. One day I texted him that I was not praying because I was not feeling so well. After hearing this, he said: “Satan is effective on you.” Here is a screenshot of this conversation. His comments are inside white textboxes and mine are inside green.

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A politically connected Canadian-Muslim man harassed me when I was discussing how I was unable to focus due to some abuse. Over time, I have learned that men’s definition of harassment is very different than women’s definition.
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This conversation took place on August 28, 2018. He is a well-connected man. This is why I think there are more such “popular” men who are stepping forward to help females and then doing a horrible job.

I blocked all the contacts he offered me as well as his email. It hit me that day that these men are learning something wrong; and, it is a group mentality.

Seriously! This topic #MeToo is really that sensitive. We all know that sexual assault victims can injure themselves further when they are told something that does not make any sense or somehow adds to the suffocating atmosphere that they have been conditioned in. Research shows that women don’t usually lie about being raped. According to a study conducted by FBI, only 8% of the rape accusations are false.  Very frankly, admonishing women to tell the truth should not even be the topic of debate because women usually do not lie about being raped. Read article, “Women Don’t Cry Rape“. Most of the stories and outcries we hear are true. Remember the case of Rehteah Parsons, the young Canadian girl who was gang raped! She was questioned so many times by some policemen and then verbally harassed by her community for speaking out that she ended up committing suicide. After being pressured by Hacktivist Anonymous community, the officials felt pressured to review her case again. This is when they conducted further investigations and found out that there were several flaws in police investigations. Read article, “Rehtaeh Parsons case review finds system ‘failed’“.  I feel speeches that are centered around preaching should not be utilized for the #MeToo campaign because these are focusing masses to perform stronger investigations while ignoring the rest of the critical concepts.

2) Some imams and religious figures are doing a horrible job at protecting women. I have been to some Canadian masjids; and, I am stunned to find out that only men are sitting inside offices and earning money. This sucks! Thus, it is clear that some of these men are not promoting women. Maybe most men aren’t doing this; I don’t have stats but only experience of being “shunned” repeatedly by men. They are neglecting the women, which is how these religious figures are allowing for mistreatment including rape. Read article, “Training Programs and Reporting Systems Won’t End Sexual Harassment. Promoting More Women Will“. Just standing up on stage and then preaching about telling truth or sharing some training programs or reports don’t do anything at all. Its like everyone repeating what everyone else is saying but no one knows the way out. The reality is that everyone needs to put a massive effort to integrate women, especially colored women since Canada is a very racist country.

3) Imams and Muslim men should receive training from Muslim women and learn about female psychology before they get on the stage to address their communities. They should focus less on learning from women who belong to other communities because those women don’t know much about the Muslim community. Here is a helpful quote from the article, “Cardinal Ouellet: Women should help screen, train priest applicants“.

Increasing the role of women in screening and training priests is among the steps that should be taken to prevent future sex abuse, said Cardinal Marc Ouellet, prefect of the Congregation for Bishops. Source: “Cardinal Ouellet: Women should help screen, train priest applicants“.

4) Some Muslim men and Imams are teaching Prophet Mohammad’s teachings in a very blind manner. This is why even fresh minds like the Muslim youth, the revert Muslims, and all the other eager learners are being mislead. For example, Prophet  Mohammad (peace be upon him) once said that mothers are three times more  important than men.

A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (PBUH) said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim) Source: The Importance of Mother in Islam.

Reality is that female psychology is not discussed in detail anywhere in Islam. The only famous phrase that discusses the importance of women is the one stated above. But, what if this phrase is referring to something bigger. For instance, the article, “Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships“states that women focus more on building closer and trustworthy relationships and men focus on building status. For any given society and household, creating reliable relationships is more important than working on maintaining status because relationships are the basis of everything.  Read some of the dialogue provided in article “Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships” to see how women can be misunderstood. For instance, it is easy for women to be labelled as “beggars” when they try to work on broken relationships.

I read in ancient Islamic text that Ayesha, the wife of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) was a scholar. She taught many men and thus the men who came from  her circle were more versed in managing women. They had the opportunity to learn from her and observe how she behaves and reacts. They must have also noticed what kind of attitude made her angry or happy.  Because they were learning from her, they couldn’t have just started questioning her without questioning themselves or without asking more questions. That is how they promoted her within their society and protected the women. I must comment that I have met some Muslim and Christian men; and, I have realized that only a small number of these men have an idea about how to really integrate women without making them feel ashamed of anything they are lacking.

Saying all this, I definitely thank all the men who are trying to help me out one way or another. Make sure to share this post with your friends or family members because this is a very challenging topic; and, its not only hurting the women but also dismantling the structure and progress of religious places like Churches and Masjids. For example, I have been able to stop many bullies without training or with really less training. I once took a young confused women and fed and counseled her until she started kicking like a martial artist. How am I doing this? Shouldn’t the men be wondering how she is accomplishing all this? Shouldn’t they focus more on success cases like mine to read the rest of the women and use their skills to protect the societies and households? Read “Lucid Dreams Suggest That Women Should Be Leaders In Peacebuilding” to see why I think women should be paid really well for all their services including peacebuilding.

Before I leave, I must point out to you that the screenshot of this conversation shows that these text messages were exchanged on August 28, 2018. And, the RIS conference took place in Dec, 2018.  This conversation is somehow tying into how the #MeToo campaign was handled at the 2018 RIS conference. This is an example of Telepathy or Precognition.

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Source: https://muslimlink.ca/events/toronto/event/8652-ris-2018-reviving-the-islamic-spirit-convention

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

How To Detect A Narcissist Through Dreams?

I have a narcissist in my life and I am trying to get away in a very methodical manner; I  have to do this carefully because he is otherwise a real gentleman.  How can dreams help me find out if the narcissist is going to attack again? Well! You can get a dream signal. Fact: I got this dream signal about the narcissist just today. Fact: Something is going to happen again. I say something because his behaviour is unpredictable because he apologizes often. Here is my dream:

In this dream, I am carrying my younger brother who is a baby; taking care of him; and, feeding him. I am very busy and preoccupied with these tasks and the baby. I got so bored that she decided to tail this guy to the university campus. I texted him and told him that I am coming to see him. He does not text back or perhaps says okay to my inquiry. I take this as a signal that I can go there. After wasting a lot of gas and some effort, I got to the campus. There was a class going on somewhere; a professor was talking to someone; the professor closed the door after finishing his brief conversation; then, he started listened to what his class has to say. I moved around in this interesting place. Someone is playing a piano. I can see two men sitting near the piano: one is learning and the second is teaching. I am wearing a shalwar qameez (traditional Pakistani dress) in this dream; and, so I feel surprised when two foreign men stopped to play with the baby. I let them play with my baby; and, I notice their smiles and comments in an aware manner. Somewhere in this dream, my baby brother changes his face. I feel more relaxed because I love both babies although I cannot tell who the second baby is.

I paid zero attention to all the attractive signals in this dream because I was thinking about this dude. If I paid attention to these other dream characters, then the entire dream would have different. I look around and finally find his backpack and laundry on a table in a large cafe. I leave my shoulder bag and laundry there as well. Finally, he gets there to see me. The first thing he says to me, “You guys are so controlling.” I think he meant, “Oh! so you got all the way here.” I ignored his comment and said, “I have to go buy a banana and feed it to the baby.” He thinks, “Oh! that’s nice of you.” He watches me slowly as I walk over to buy a banana.

I woke up soon after I heard this mean comment. I started wondering that if he does not want me there, then why didn’t he text me back or use a thought to convey a message? I was already so stressed from taking care of the baby. Why did he just lead me on like this? By saying mean things, he is closing my feelings so that my emotions may pent up and then I finally blow due to exhaustion. He apologizes so that I may cave into the upcoming exhaustion and become a codependent. In real life, he says demeaning things like “You are crazy” or “You need help” every now and then. Everything is at risk: my life, my career, and my independence. What if he is having fun by making me cry and that is why he apologizes right away! I feel my self-esteem is being shaken gradually. This is why I have started believing that I am dealing with a The Co-Dependent Enabling Narcissistic Cycle.

Now let us review this dream again. This man just said something degrading to me again in the dream. Dreams are a type of dimension and they can sometimes open the future. So, I will cancel some of our future meetings because I am afraid that he is going to try to label me as “controlling” this time. This dream signal showed me that he never meant anything when he apologized to me last time. Another thing that I have learned is that it is possible to use past characters from one’s life to create an alternate reality where you may see the subject of concern behave. Reality is that my younger brother is not a baby anymore; and, he is very much grown up. I just learned how to use his dream character to check on something. He is very nice, easygoing, and trustworthy man. So it is easier for me to use his dream character to create a mood to find certain things out.

So this is just one way the dreams can teach you how to stop domestic abuse. I hope you enjoyed learning from me; and I am hoping that you will soon gain this skill.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.