Ramadan 2020 has started; and, I am very excited about this Ramadan. I am happier today because I have survived rape trauma. It took me around 7 years to fight back—I was a virgin at the time of this rape so it took pretty long to recover. Bit by bit, I reclaimed pieces of my sanity that were destroyed by an older and very physically stronger Buddhist Islamophobic man. He was working as a manager inside a Canadian Pharmaceutical firm. He was mentoring me although I did not work inside his company; I had found him through LinkedIn. While raping me, he brainwashed me by saying, “God is not there for us.” He wanted me to believe that Islam does not make sense! He believed what he tried to teach me. However, he totally failed, which also shows when he ended up apologizing to me! I never fully accepted his apology although I felt sorry for him; I think I could not accept what he was saying because he seemed to have like split personalities, which is how he ended up confusing me. Read blog post, “Finding Myself Again”. Furthermore, I confused him a bit by playing friendly towards him and then pushing for questions about who really is; he ended up sharing a lot of personal things about himself. I had Stockholm Syndtome while I did this; I can tell that that is what was going on because I became very submissive and different during this ordeal. I kept all of this information with me in written format so I may write a book. By using these experiences, I am actually composing a novel titled “She: The Mirror“. I must comment that this rape is a direct result of domestic (most of these misunderstandings had stopped before this happened; a bit of emotional abuse was still there) and workplace abuse; how colored people especially women are mistreated in Canada; and, an increase in Islamophobia that took place after 9/11.
I fought back as best as I could. I could do this because I have kind of converted (reverted) to Islam before. I was born a Muslim; but, I did not practice Islam. When my teenage years were ending or perhaps when I was in my early twenties, I started reading into Islam in detail. I became more practicing after becoming aware, which is why this change felt like a reversion. So when he said and did these cruel things to me, I felt brainwashed; slowly, my trauma became numb so I started thinking that I was okay. But, I wasn’t! I was now living with rape trauma! Over time, I realized that I was praying less and less. This is because of how I was brainwashed and reprogrammed by this predator. Anyways, I fought back and resisted the idea of not praying to God. If I could not get up to pray, I would pray a bit in my bed. If I could not pray while standing, I would pray while sitting. I even said some special prayers that have a very special type of intention attached to them. I call these special prayers, “Silver Bullet”. These are different in nature because I am both telepathic and lucid dreamer. Read blog posts “Silver Bullet: My Prayers are in Multiple Dimensions“. Three medical conditions that developed after the rape prevented me from praying at all or praying while standing. I have healed a lot; and, there is only one medical issue left, which is currently under treatment. I am recovering fast though! Gradually, I built my stamina and concentration again to stand and pray. Now, I am still struggling with improving frequency of my prayers. Every now and then, my rape trauma overwhelms me so that I cannot pray. Despite all this, I have moved on; and, I have forgiven this person because he just seemed lost and confused.
I am starting this page “Recitations of Quran” to help myself remember how important Islamic prayers and Quran are to me. I am also starting this page to remind the world not to oppress Muslims. I strongly feel everyone who is concerned about what is going on including good Muslims will fight oppression through intellect, bonding, and prayers. Prayers are scientifically known to decrease anger and aggression, which is one reason why good Muslims will be able to change their oppressors. Thus, I begin my Ramadan with an intention to pray for Muslims throughout the world including Kashmiri, Afghani, Iraqi, Indian, Syrian, and Uyghur Muslims.
Recitation of Surah Ikhlas
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