Do You Feel You Are Being Isolated From A Group?

If you feel that you are being isolated from a group by a couple of people—it is possible that they are your loved family members or close friends—who could also be your friends, then it is time to walk away from them. My experiences have shown me that dysfunctional families function like a cult. There is always one person almost everyone follows more. Within a family, it is easy to brainwash people because sometimes all you have to do is make somebody just sit in their room all day.

There are many hard-to-notice ways of isolating someone who is close to the abuser(s). One way is to constantly group with others and neglect the victim. Another method is to point fingers to the victim so that he/she may start feeling disconnected. Picking fights with the victim during travel is also a very popular method because the victim is already been considerably isolated from his/her usual setting. Telling the victim that he/she is forcing suffering upon himself/herself by boycotting the rest helps abusers showcase the victim as “ugly duckling” who is very unfit.

The same set of mind games apply to the Muslim families who are dysfunctional in nature but fail to acknowledge this issue. Remember its easier for the Muslims to hide that they are abusing someone because they can easily go around pretending to be religious. I myself have witnessed a Muslim man who used to beat his kids at home and then pray five times and fast throughout Ramadan like nothing happened. I have also witnessed how young Muslims walk away from prayers simply because within an abusive household, prayers can be considered as a type of Activity Pedagogy, which is designed to brainwash people—if they walking away in such a setting, then they are probably really smart. Also in some households that are chronically ill, methods of abuse don’t stop but evolve. For example, all Muslims are aware of right of education and job. When the victim was young, he/she was being abused by the relatives who attempted to prevent and discourage him/her from having a job. But, when the victim grew older, he/she was told to hold a job but then isolated in other ways such as victim blaming or silent treatments. Do you see now why it is tough to point out to an abuser who just happens to be a “practicing” Muslim? Same applies to people belonging to other faiths who appear righteous and caring to outsiders.

Read article “Top 10 Brainwashing Techniques” to learn about more brainwashing techniques. If you are being abused at home, then you can create your checklist about tactics that have been used on you so far. Trust me!  Its better to realize that you are being brainwashed and reprogrammed and not grown properly than to just ignore this painful fact. Victims of abuse don’t like to admit this because they don’t know the next step in their lives. Teaming up with another victim of abuse or almost anyone from within your community will help you voyage appropriately within this “new and truer world”.

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Why I Believe Some Or Perhaps Most Pakistani Households Dismiss The Females

Just recently, a friend of mine talked me into communicating with a Pakistani-Canadian Medical Doctor who was looking for a wife for her son. Initially, I wanted to ignore her request to connect with this woman because 1) I had already decided not to marry inside my culture; and, 2) I prefer talking to guys before bringing in the parents.

My experiences have taught me that some Pakistani households are extremely abusive and very dismissive towards the female gender. I have been walking away from them for a very long while. I am very much convinced that some of them are very dangerous for the girls and women. There is no way that you can sit and breathe properly next to them.

After my friend pushed me, I decided to talk to this woman on the phone. This is when I had to listen to a whole lot of garbage. Just be patient as you read this because it is very hard to read into what this lady is actually saying.

When I told her what my designations were, she seemed blank and did not understood what I was trying to convey. I attempted to briefly explain to her about my career; but, when I said that I am a Certified Technical Writer and Certified Event Planner, she became dismissive in nature. Yes! It was very scary just talking to her over the phone. She ignored my explanations by saying that anybody can be an Event Planner. This is how they are abusing the women! It was clear to me that she did not knew what these careers mean; where such professionals work; and, what their salaries are.

One important step that I took while talking to her was not to reveal too many details like where I work, my future projects, and my writing blog. I hid this on purpose because I wanted to see her genuine responses. I briefly talked about how I am running a Facebook group for abused women because I have chosen to be a Women Rights Activist; and, then I talked about the sensitive issue of rape. She said that personally she would not like to talk about it; but, if a victim feels differently, then she will support that person.

After this rather insignificant conversation, I never received another call. Of course! I am very happy that she never called again simply because I did not like the fact that she was trying to show support of such a challenging issue as rape while sounding so ignorant about my education. At one point, after listening to some minor details about my career, she probed me rather intrusively, “Yeah! But what is your education?”

Now all this won’t ring any bell inside your minds unless you have dealt with Pakistani narcissists before. Every culture offers a different kind of abusive environment; what is being said and how it is being said is conveyed through the entire society somehow. Thus, Pakistani narcissists mistreat and neglect in a very specific manner. For example, one of my male relatives used to say to me that he wonders if I will ever be able to stand at reception of a privately owned business granted that he helps me start one; he stated this after he had learned that I have been successfully able to manage large teams and multiple departments at work. He acknowledged that I did all this hard work at a great company; and, then he added doubts inside my young mind in a demeaning manner.

Please notice that it is very hard to catch what they are actually trying to say and that you can only understand what is going on after you have seen this kind of attitude being repeated many times.

Here are other some other things I have found out about Pakistanis.

Some or perhaps most of them have a very closed attitude towards divorced people—I am concerned because I know that creating a void around divorced people harms the society by injuring them first. Read “ENFPs Are Designed To Create Clash of Ideas“.

Sometimes narcissists family members gang up on a single victim. This has happened to me; through experience, I have learned how to use certain techniques to daunt them. What’s interesting is that I can perform these techniques while feeling pain; but, these narcissists actually feel happy and relieved when they point fingers at me. Read “I Have Learned How To Make A Narcissist Feel Sorry“.

Pakistani media including YouTube videos share extremely misogynist concepts with their broad and diverse audience. You can see this when someone as young as Rahim Pardesi—he is a British Pakistani—makes fun of the female gender on YouTube. Read “Rahim Pardesi’s “Nasreen” Comedy Show Is Misogynist In Nature“.

Another valuable notion that I have learned while dealing with abusive Pakistani families is that they openly support men and boys more; but, when the females complaint about this attitude, they say, “But, I support you as well. I don’t ignore you”. Then they go around saying five prayers and fasting full-time after admonishing the victim not to seek a Councillor or a Therapist to discuss the troubling issues that she has been forced to face.

Yet another thing that I have learned through personal experiences is that Pakistani narcissists actually love bomb under the pretense of religious obligation.

Victims who have trauma may never have the right amount of support because they are usually surrounded by multiple bullies who are all versed in different tactics which they apply one-by-one on the same victim.

These are the reasons why I am choosing to walk away from the Pakistani culture despite the fact that I have spent a significant portion of my life in Pakistan; I have been raised as a Pakistani; and, I  have been surrounded by Pakistanis all my life. Although most of the abuse that took place inside the household has stopped, I still face lots of uncertainty. Mostly, I am afraid of being sexually violated because that happens a lot in Pakistan. Read my experiences “Some Of My Brutal Mental Images Of Men“. Know that I am not walking away from them as a Canadian but as a HUMAN! Even as I walk away, I intend to stay connected with some of my sincere and loving relatives and friends. Read “Why I Plan to Marry Outside Pakistani Culture?” And, know that I am very proud of the fact that I have written this all based on my experiences. Writer Faiza Ilyas notes the following in her article “Every second woman suffers domestic violence in Pakistan“:

…experts expressed concern that the country had not a single designated functional trauma center despite the fact it was among the top countries in the world severely affected by violence and terrorism.

Here are two more helpful articles:

Domestic violence: victims are left on their own in Pakistan
93% of Pakistani women experience sexual violence

Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.

Do Women Allow for Abuse?

Some people say a lot of things to women like they are willing to be abused or that they can handle mistreatment. Here is a brief comment from my end: Men do the same but nobody sits there and uses this ability against them. Scroll to 9:38 for “Journey to America” by Akbar Ahmed. Farhan, the former President of the Local MSA, states that when he was being beaten by some men, he was unable to respond because he knew them. Truth is that most of the abusers who like punishing women actually know them one way or another. So, some women are reacting just like some men when it comes to reactions like these. I wonder if this reaction is tying into “Empathy” and not just “Tend and Befriend” response!

Right Under Our Noses

I created the Twitter Moment “Abuse of the Coloured Takes Place Right Under Our Noses. Some Survive.” after reviewing some of my personal encounters, stories narrated by close friends or colleagues, and several online articles. Check it out!