Just recently, a friend of mine talked me into communicating with a Pakistani-Canadian Medical Doctor who was looking for a wife for her son. Initially, I wanted to ignore her request to connect with this woman because 1) I had already decided not to marry inside my culture; and, 2) I prefer talking to guys before bringing in the parents.
My experiences have taught me that some Pakistani households are extremely abusive and very dismissive towards the female gender. I have been walking away from them for a very long while. I am very much convinced that some of them are very dangerous for the girls and women. There is no way that you can sit and breathe properly next to them.
After my friend pushed me, I decided to talk to this woman on the phone. This is when I had to listen to a whole lot of garbage. Just be patient as you read this because it is very hard to read into what this lady is actually saying.
When I told her what my designations were, she seemed blank and did not understood what I was trying to convey. I attempted to briefly explain to her about my career; but, when I said that I am a Certified Technical Writer and Certified Event Planner, she became dismissive in nature. Yes! It was very scary just talking to her over the phone. She ignored my explanations by saying that anybody can be an Event Planner. This is how they are abusing the women! It was clear to me that she did not knew what these careers mean; where such professionals work; and, what their salaries are.
One important step that I took while talking to her was not to reveal too many details like where I work, my future projects, and my writing blog. I hid this on purpose because I wanted to see her genuine responses. I briefly talked about how I am running a Facebook group for abused women because I have chosen to be a Women Rights Activist; and, then I talked about the sensitive issue of rape. She said that personally she would not like to talk about it; but, if a victim feels differently, then she will support that person.
After this rather insignificant conversation, I never received another call. Of course! I am very happy that she never called again simply because I did not like the fact that she was trying to show support of such a challenging issue as rape while sounding so ignorant about my education. At one point, after listening to some minor details about my career, she probed me rather intrusively, “Yeah! But what is your education?”
Now all this won’t ring any bell inside your minds unless you have dealt with Pakistani narcissists before. Every culture offers a different kind of abusive environment; what is being said and how it is being said is conveyed through the entire society somehow. Thus, Pakistani narcissists mistreat and neglect in a very specific manner. For example, one of my male relatives used to say to me that he wonders if I will ever be able to stand at reception of a privately owned business granted that he helps me start one; he stated this after he had learned that I have been successfully able to manage large teams and multiple departments at work. He acknowledged that I did all this hard work at a great company; and, then he added doubts inside my young mind in a demeaning manner.
Please notice that it is very hard to catch what they are actually trying to say and that you can only understand what is going on after you have seen this kind of attitude being repeated many times.
Here are other some other things I have found out about Pakistanis.
Some or perhaps most of them have a very closed attitude towards divorced people—I am concerned because I know that creating a void around divorced people harms the society by injuring them first. Read “ENFPs Are Designed To Create Clash of Ideas“.
Sometimes narcissists family members gang up on a single victim. This has happened to me; through experience, I have learned how to use certain techniques to daunt them. What’s interesting is that I can perform these techniques while feeling pain; but, these narcissists actually feel happy and relieved when they point fingers at me. Read “I Have Learned How To Make A Narcissist Feel Sorry“.
Pakistani media including YouTube videos share extremely misogynist concepts with their broad and diverse audience. You can see this when someone as young as Rahim Pardesi—he is a British Pakistani—makes fun of the female gender on YouTube. Read “Rahim Pardesi’s “Nasreen” Comedy Show Is Misogynist In Nature“.
Another valuable notion that I have learned while dealing with abusive Pakistani families is that they openly support men and boys more; but, when the females complaint about this attitude, they say, “But, I support you as well. I don’t ignore you”. Then they go around saying five prayers and fasting full-time after admonishing the victim not to seek a Councillor or a Therapist to discuss the troubling issues that she has been forced to face.
Yet another thing that I have learned through personal experiences is that Pakistani narcissists actually love bomb under the pretense of religious obligation.
Victims who have trauma may never have the right amount of support because they are usually surrounded by multiple bullies who are all versed in different tactics which they apply one-by-one on the same victim.
These are the reasons why I am choosing to walk away from the abusive part of the Pakistani culture; its difficult staying away even from abusive Pakistanis because I have spent a significant portion of my life in Pakistan; I have been raised as a Pakistani; and, I have been surrounded by Pakistanis all my life. Although most of the abuse that took place inside the household has stopped, I still face lots of uncertainty. Mostly, I am afraid of being sexually violated because that happens a lot in Pakistan. Read my experiences “Some Of My Brutal Mental Images Of Men“. Know that I am not walking away from them as a Canadian but as a HUMAN! Even as I walk away, I intend to stay connected with some of my sincere and loving relatives and friends. Read “Why I Plan to Marry Outside Pakistani Culture?” And, know that I am very proud of the fact that I have written this all based on my experiences. Writer Faiza Ilyas notes the following in her article “Every second woman suffers domestic violence in Pakistan“:
…experts expressed concern that the country had not a single designated functional trauma center despite the fact it was among the top countries in the world severely affected by violence and terrorism.
Here are two more helpful articles:
Domestic violence: victims are left on their own in Pakistan
93% of Pakistani women experience sexual violence
Copyright © by Arzoo Zaheer. All Rights Reserved.